Dear Prudence,
I need counsel how to deal with a persistently creepy colleague in the arts community who styles himself my “fan.” Happily, I don’t have to see him daily, but he sends me regular (unanswered!) emails and messages that make my skin crawl. Part of the trouble is that they aren’t exactly creepy stalker emails; he is trying to make it seem like an ongoing, two-sided conversation and an appeal to our shared artistic interests—and there are people in our circle who seem fine with him.
Recently, he has begun to use my professional achievements as pretexts to make contact and seems to be trying to force a response. For instance, after congratulating me in person for a promotion in a sexist way, he sent me a lengthy email explaining why he was perfectly in the right. (I had never mentioned my pique to him; in fact, I seldom engage with him in any way.) Here’s a sample:
I suppose I imagined that I am (and here I’ll cautiously opt for a term conveying banality) a “fan.” I don’t think I’ve ever hidden my interest or admiration. Besides finding myself particularly susceptible to your beauty, our conversations (though very infrequent) always feel light and pleasing—delightful, in the mildest of terms. Of course, as human beings, I know we are all rather awful in one way or another, and that will be as true of you as me or anyone else ... and considering that, in our vulnerability and foolishness we so frequently misrepresent ourselves and misrepresent others (I am certainly guilty of all too often seeing and then unfairly concentrating upon the negative shadows of self that others attempt to hide) given that I know how difficult communication is at the best of times, I should probably have simply called you by your first name.
Prudie, I just want you to give me a screed to send to this guy! If you don’t think I should respond in that way (or in any way), though, I would be grateful for your thoughts.