2nd wedding family being weird?

[Deleted User]

i got engaged 1 month ago. My parents support it as my fiancée asked my dad for his approval. This is my 2nd marriage and his first. We are so excited to have our life's together forever. I have noticed lately when I talk the wedding with my parents and even my cousins and family they seem weird about it. Not excited, they don't ask me how it's going or anything. When I around them it's like no one wants to talk about it. I'm the first one in the entire family to get divorced and remarried. It makes me uneasy being around them as I don't know what to say. I have nightmares that no one will come from my side of the family to the big day. Even my mom when I told her we booked our venue and other details her responsss are "oh nice" then changes the subject. Did anyone else have weird family feelings and moments like this with theirs? 

flantastic

keriann23 said:

i got engaged 1 month ago. My parents support it as my fiancée asked my dad for his approval. This is my 2nd marriage and his first. We are so excited to have our life's together forever. I have noticed lately when I talk the wedding with my parents and even my cousins and family they seem weird about it. Not excited, they don't ask me how it's going or anything. When I around them it's like no one wants to talk about it. I'm the first one in the entire family to get divorced and remarried. It makes me uneasy being around them as I don't know what to say. I have nightmares that no one will come from my side of the family to the big day. Even my mom when I told her we booked our venue and other details her responsss are "oh nice" then changes the subject. Did anyone else have weird family feelings and moments like this with theirs? 

Were they really into the wedding the first time around? Some people aren't into wedding details. I'm actually one of them. I like helping people treat their guests well, and sort through sticky situations, but on the whole I really don't care about what your venue looks like or if you're at the "picking out flowers" stage, no matter if you're friend or family. They may just be like this. I think worrying about whether they'll even come is projecting a little too far.

[Deleted User]

Yes they were all very involved. My parents were always first in line asking questions and coming to things. My cousins the same. That's what's weird 

ernursej

You could consider having a private conversation with your parents about their reaction and finding out if there is anything that is concerning them. Outside of that, just enjoy being engaged and try to step past it.

MobKaz

Things to consider:

1.)  Was your first wedding a religious ceremony?  Are your parents religious?  Perhaps they are reticent at the thought (from their POV) that this marriage would be invalid in the eyes of your church?

2.)  Did your parents help pay for or gift you your first wedding?  Perhaps they are concerned that you may expect or ask for financial help with this wedding?

3.)  How did your first marriage end?  Did they have concerns about your first marriage and/or former spouse prior to marrying?  Would they have concerns regarding this marriage?

@keriann23, I don't expect you to answer these questions.  I pose them to help you perhaps consider why they appear to be less than eager or reluctant to embrace this engagement.  If this is the first time someone in your family has divorced with plans to remarry, they just might be unsure as to how to react/respond/behave to this new experience.  If that is the case, then I think considering @ernursej's suggestion of having a private conversation is a good idea. 

STARMOON44

They might just be over it. They already did all
this once with you. And they might just not be interested in a redo. Doesn't mean they don't support the marriage or want to attend!

climbingsingle

I recently got married for the second time. My first wedding was 10 years prior. After the excitement of the engagement wore off, I became really concerned/worried/paranoid about how my family and friends felt. I worried that people would judge me for having another wedding. I worried that people would judge me for wearing another white dress. I refused to have a shower. I started telling my family to not give me any gifts (tacky, and wrong, I know). Even though this was my husband's first marriage, I was incredibly self conscious of how others were viewing me. Is it possible you feel this, and are projecting these feelings onto your relatives? Are you being overly sensitive? 

The first time I got married I was 24. My parents paid for the wedding. My mom was extremely involved. The second time, I was 34. My H and I were paying for everything, and we did it all ourselves. My family was pretty laid back about it - I didn't get a lot of questions. I think it could just be a normal progression of things, you know? 

Jells2dot0

STARMOON44 said:

They might just be over it. They already did all
this once with you. And they might just not be interested in a redo. Doesn't mean they don't support the marriage or want to attend!

This.

When I got engaged the second time around, people definitely paid less attention to anything having to do with any type of wedding. It's not that they weren't happy for us, but it wasn't a "first" and they knew we would most likely not have a traditional wedding. In fact, when we did announce we were married, some people were surprised because they thought we had already gotten married and just never announced it. LOL Anyway, we got a ton of well wishes and positive reactions to the engagement/wedding, but no one really ever asked questions about it. 

Mircakes

You have to remember that nobody is as excited for your wedding as you (and your FH) are, and this is probably especially true for a second marriage. Your family was already really involved in your first marriage, and they probably got it "out of their system," so to say. So I'd bet that this time they are happy and excited for you, but simply not as much because they have done this before. 

CMGragain

Not everyone is excited about weddings.  When I was planning mine, both my sister and my mother were in the process of being divorced.  Nobody wanted to talk about my wedding.
You are lucky.  You can come here and gush about your wedding, and we will listen.  We will also give you advice.  Some of it you might not like, but it will be true and honest advice.
Best wishes for your upcoming marriage.

Jen4948

It may just be that when you got married, they were weddinged-out. You say that they gave you a lot of attention and support at that time, which turned out to be for a marriage that didn't last.

Also, is anything else going on with them, whether positive or negative, that might require more of their focus?

For example, both my parents have been diagnosed with cancer and both have other health issues and things on their mind. If I were to announce that I was engaged, I think they would be happy for me but probably wouldn't care too much about the fine details. Under the circumstances, I'd be happy for them just to show up.

southernbelle0915

Who cares if they don't want to talk about flowers and DJs and menu choices? 

You've said they're supportive and happy for you about the important part - the fact that you're getting married to this man. 

Try to keep in mind what is actually important about all this...the union. The party is icing on the cake. And if they aren't really interested in talking about party planning, oh well. Find someone who is - wedding forums are good for that!