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Moms and Maids
nassyv12
member
Intro and MOH problem. ( might be longer than i expected...)
Hi Everyone.
So i'm not engaged or even planning to get married but i'm an aspiring wedding planner in the UK and found the knot when looking up somethings that can go wrong in a wedding as part of my preliminary studies for a course i'm hoping to go on next year.
My problem is that my friend is (hopefully) getting married next year and because we've been friends for a decade she's asked me to advise and help but promised that she wont make me be a MOH as she knows I can't stand the idea of being in a bridal party again ( different story for a different day). So I agreed to be her unofficial wedding planner/personal assistant because she wont be able to afford a one at all so my planning help will be in lieu of a gift which she and her other half are grateful for as he has multiple medical issues that means he's not able to help as much as he'd like.
The issue is that when we went dress shopping I had bought my friend a tiara as a present as she'd never owned one but in my family its a thing. Well the maid of honour was late to the girls night my friend planned and then when in the shop she huffed a puffed about not being allowed to try any of the dresses on even though she's not engaged, not got a bf and has expressed she doesn't want to settle down. She didn't even stop when the sales lady informed her that it's actually seen as bad luck in our area to try on wedding dresses before being engaged.
To top it off while the bride was trying on a dress the MOH pinched the tiara out of its box and put it on with a veil. I was too distracted taking notes on the dresses and changing the batteries in my camera to notice until the bride came out and her face dropped for a second before she plasters the fake smile on her face so the MOH doesn't notice.
The MOH also go ratty when the Bride said that even though I wasn't a BM she wanted to honour me in some way and have me in a really pretty dress...
Am I out of line for feeling that the MOH is ruining my friends experience?
I know from lurking that all shes meant to do is get the appropriate dress and show up sober ( although i think for her that's going to be an issue) but surely if your agreeing to come to these shopping trips you should know they're not about you...I'm not expecting her to be as excited as my friend or even as i am because i'm a wedding person but id have though she would have at least not actively tried to take away the attention...
Also before it gets mentioned there was never any question about the MOH being the brides MOH it's not that I turned it down so the bride asked her it was always going to be her or me and her.
So i'm not engaged or even planning to get married but i'm an aspiring wedding planner in the UK and found the knot when looking up somethings that can go wrong in a wedding as part of my preliminary studies for a course i'm hoping to go on next year.
My problem is that my friend is (hopefully) getting married next year and because we've been friends for a decade she's asked me to advise and help but promised that she wont make me be a MOH as she knows I can't stand the idea of being in a bridal party again ( different story for a different day). So I agreed to be her unofficial wedding planner/personal assistant because she wont be able to afford a one at all so my planning help will be in lieu of a gift which she and her other half are grateful for as he has multiple medical issues that means he's not able to help as much as he'd like.
The issue is that when we went dress shopping I had bought my friend a tiara as a present as she'd never owned one but in my family its a thing. Well the maid of honour was late to the girls night my friend planned and then when in the shop she huffed a puffed about not being allowed to try any of the dresses on even though she's not engaged, not got a bf and has expressed she doesn't want to settle down. She didn't even stop when the sales lady informed her that it's actually seen as bad luck in our area to try on wedding dresses before being engaged.
To top it off while the bride was trying on a dress the MOH pinched the tiara out of its box and put it on with a veil. I was too distracted taking notes on the dresses and changing the batteries in my camera to notice until the bride came out and her face dropped for a second before she plasters the fake smile on her face so the MOH doesn't notice.
The MOH also go ratty when the Bride said that even though I wasn't a BM she wanted to honour me in some way and have me in a really pretty dress...
Am I out of line for feeling that the MOH is ruining my friends experience?
I know from lurking that all shes meant to do is get the appropriate dress and show up sober ( although i think for her that's going to be an issue) but surely if your agreeing to come to these shopping trips you should know they're not about you...I'm not expecting her to be as excited as my friend or even as i am because i'm a wedding person but id have though she would have at least not actively tried to take away the attention...
Also before it gets mentioned there was never any question about the MOH being the brides MOH it's not that I turned it down so the bride asked her it was always going to be her or me and her.
Re: Intro and MOH problem. ( might be longer than i expected...)
Stay out of it. Being a wedding planner doesn't put you in charge of her emotional experience.
be professional and stay out of it. This is between them, has nothing to do with you.
The issue is between the bride and her MOH. Stay out of it and keep your mouth shut.
Oh and just for reference to the dress thing she want to buy me a dress of my choosing but of suitable formality as a thank you/ honouring thing as readings aren't really a thing in our weddings and I've got a terrible allergy to the perfume that our local florists use on their corsages ( bad prom experience and I wasn't even the one wearing the thing).
However, I doubt this behavior is all that new. And even if it is Mr. Hyde peeking out, as an adult, your friend can handle her own affairs. If MOH was as awful as you say, I'm SURE your friend took note and will adjust her planning and inclusion accordingly. You don't need to be her personal bouncer too.
This is her MOH, and her closest friend. The fact that your friend is getting married doesn't mean she's suddenly lost the ability to manage her own friendships. Stay out of it.
Due to other circumstances I have recently distanced myself from the bride it's nothing to do with this scenario and isn't because of bad blood. I'm going through some medical issues atm and we both agree that we should both take some time to look after ourselves as she also has her partner to look after and I didn't want to burden her by adding my medical issues on top.
Can someone help me close this discussion? I don't want to DD because you never know if theirs another friend out there to another bride who needs a reality check.
Discussions can't be closed, but if you stop replying to comments they'll naturally fade out on their own. Also, thanks for not DD'ing and thinking that someone else might benefit from this thread