Has she gone bonkers?
I need to vent. I’m not one to really post stuff, but I’m just at my wits end.
So my friend has gone from sweet to sour in the past 10 months during her wedding planning. I feel beyond bitter and surprised but because I do still care for her and I have decided to go to her wedding. I just think she has messed up our friendship. I only have 1 more month of this. I’m honestly counting down the days to when it will be over. Am I right she has lost it?
It started off with her thinking I was the only person who was “not excited and enthusiastically asking her about her wedding plans and visions”. I – had a death in my family and was dealing with some stuff during the time she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was sorting myself out. So I kind of went off the grid for a month or so. Suddenly when things got better she started bombarding me with passive aggressive messages with this tune of “you are the only friend who hasn’t asked me about my wedding yet.” Honestly, I was waiting for her to come to me, but not in this – passive aggressive way. But, in a happy – yay I’m getting married way, what do you think about these dresses.
She said she was ashamed of me and quite literally nagged me for months about not going to her wedding shower. She also said my reasons were invalid and excuses. (I live 2 states away and about 9 hours drive in total away and she asked me to go to this shower during a very busy rocky time in my job). I couldn’t afford to fly there, plus the other 2 times I went to visit her and not to mention the fact I was also trying to fund my trip to her DW. Oh and I went to the engagement party like a year and a bit ago. It was just too much, and I guess I let her down and was too “selfish” in my own life. I did get her a nice gift, I attended her her wedding dress session and helped plan and attended the hen party that just happened last week. (She was so cold to me at this time. I felt awkward and this why I’m writing this now).
Also when I mentioned I had some financial concerns she said “you’ve had over 2 years to save for this. You’re not the one paying for the whole wedding. Stop complaining about money. You’ve barely done much more than a regular guest would do.”
I just felt like after this issue with the shower she went cold and resentful of me. It’s awkward being around her and I started to feel resentful. I tried really hard to explain why I couldn’t come. Its not that I didn’t want to go to the shower, it’s that I couldn’t and she didn’t give me the time try to work out a way to get there. She became very demanding. So, I decided given my circumstances it was best not go. It had zero to do with how much I cared for her.
I do get her perspective of “If I really matter you’d come” but – the way she acted made me really not want to go. She also said that while she understood I was going through stuff that everyone goes through stuff and that I should just “deal with it, everyone has stuff to deal with and if I really mattered you would have found a way to go."
I’m just sad this friend was willing to let a life long friendship go into the toilet for a wedding. She actually feels that weddings are the ultimate test to a friendship.
How do I get through the actual wedding day?