I need to vent. I’m not one to really post stuff, but I’m
just at my wits end.
So my friend has gone from sweet to sour in the past 10 months
during her wedding planning. I feel beyond bitter and surprised but because I
do still care for her and I have decided to go to her wedding. I just think she
has messed up our friendship. I only have 1 more month of this. I’m honestly counting down the days to when
it will be over. Am I right she has lost it?
It started off with her thinking I was the only person who
was “not excited and enthusiastically asking her about her wedding plans and
visions”. I – had a death in my family and was dealing with some stuff during
the time she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was sorting myself out. So I kind of went off the grid for a month or
so. Suddenly when things got better she started bombarding me with passive
aggressive messages with this tune of “you are the only friend who hasn’t asked
me about my wedding yet.” Honestly, I was waiting for her to come to me, but
not in this – passive aggressive way. But, in a happy – yay I’m getting married way,
what do you think about these dresses.
She said she was ashamed of me and quite literally nagged me
for months about not going to her wedding shower. She also said my reasons were
invalid and excuses. (I live 2 states away and about 9 hours drive in total away and she asked me to go to this shower
during a very busy rocky time in my job). I couldn’t afford to fly there, plus
the other 2 times I went to visit her and not to mention the fact I was also
trying to fund my trip to her DW. Oh and I went to the engagement party like a year and a bit ago. It was just too much, and I guess I let her
down and was too “selfish” in my own life. I did get her a nice gift, I
attended her her wedding dress session and helped plan and
attended the hen party that just happened last week. (She was so cold to me
at this time. I felt awkward and this why I’m writing this now).
Also when I mentioned I had some financial concerns she said
“you’ve had over 2 years to save for this. You’re not the one paying for the
whole wedding. Stop complaining about money. You’ve barely done much more than
a regular guest would do.”
I just felt like after this issue with the shower she went
cold and resentful of me. It’s awkward being around her and I started to feel
resentful. I tried really hard to explain why I couldn’t come. Its not that I didn’t want to go to the
shower, it’s that I couldn’t and she didn’t give me the time try to work out a
way to get there. She became very demanding. So, I decided given my circumstances it was best not go. It had
zero to do with how much I cared for her.
I do get her perspective of “If I really matter you’d come”
but – the way she acted made me really not want to go. She also said that while
she understood I was going through stuff that everyone goes through stuff and
that I should just “deal with it, everyone has stuff to deal with and if I really mattered you would have found
a way to go."
I’m just sad this friend was willing to let a life long
friendship go into the toilet for a wedding. She actually feels that weddings
are the ultimate test to a friendship.
How do I get through the actual wedding day?