• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Both Dad and Stepdad Walking Down the Aisle

I want both my dad and my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. My parents got divorced when I was 10 and my stepdad has been in my life since I was 12. (I will be 29 when I get married.) My dad isn't a bad dad but because I lived with my mom I spent a lot more time with my stepdad. He has been there for all the major life events. I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings but I want to honor my stepdad's presence in my life as well. Any ideas on how to gently break it to my dad that I'll be asking my stepdad to also "give me away"?

Re: Both Dad and Stepdad Walking Down the Aisle

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    That's a tough one. I would suggest you just sit down with your Dad and explain it to him. If y'all have a good relationship and there is no animosity between him and your step-dad, I would think he will understand.
    OurWildKingdom
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2017
    "Give you away?"  Why?  Are you someone's property?

    This is seldom done these days.  Usually the FOB escorts her down the aisle until she reaches the altar.  You are having both your stepfather and your father escort you.  You don't explain how you are going to do this.  Often the FOB starts down the aisle and hands the bride over to her Stepfather, who escorts her the rest of the way down the aisle.  No one actually "gives the bride away", especially not in modern times.

    Talk to the officiant.  Is he/she going to ask the question, "Who gives this woman......?"  It isn't necessary.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I want both my dad and my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. My parents got divorced when I was 10 and my stepdad has been in my life since I was 12. (I will be 29 when I get married.) My dad isn't a bad dad but because I lived with my mom I spent a lot more time with my stepdad. He has been there for all the major life events. I don't want to hurt my dad's feelings but I want to honor my stepdad's presence in my life as well. Any ideas on how to gently break it to my dad that I'll be asking my stepdad to also "give me away"?

    Explain to your dad that you have had the good fortune to have two amazing men in your life, and wish to honor/recognize them both for their support growing up.  Explain that it would be impossible to exclude either as their roles/impact/support were equally important/significant.  Tell dad you hope he understands that you cannot exclude step-dad. 
    ernursej
  • Do you want the question "Who gives this woman to be married?" (or whatever the wording is? If you think the "giving you away" wording would be the part that makes your dad uncomfortable, you could work with your officiant on different wording. We had something else said, but now I can't remember what it was. 

    Is there any ill will between your dad & your stepdad? I also suggest talking to your dad before asking your stepdad, and I like @MobKaz's phrasing that they're both important to you and both had an impact on your life and making you the person you are. I've seen this done before, and if you're close to both your dad and your stepdad, it's very sweet! :) 
    ernursej
  • Thanks for the feedback. Definitely will talk to my dad first. The stepdad and dad are on good terms. The mom and stepmom, not so much. We are doing a 20 minute ceremony no "who gives this woman" language. I'm more concerned about the walking down the aisle. Thanks @ahoywedding and @mobkaz!
    ernursejCMGragainholyguacamole79charlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2017
    Anyone can escort you down the aisle.  This is your choice.    As I said, I have seen FOB start down the aisle and then half way down, he hands the bride to Stepdad, who finishes the walk.  How lucky you are to have FOB and Stepdad on good terms!  We do see a lot of family drama about this topic.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    seeyalaterbudde
  • @CMGagain I am very lucky that they are on good terms. I am not looking forward to having my mom and stepmom together for so many events this upcoming year. For some reason my stepmom doesn't like or trust my mom. My parents have been divorced for 18 years and both parents have been remarried for almost 8 now. Time to move on. Thanks for your advice.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    seeyalaterbudde - another thing to consider .... if you opt to have a father / daughter dance, I've been to some where the bride begins the song dancing with her father.  Halfway through the song, he "hands her off" to the stepfather.  The times I've seen it, it's been poignant and classy.
    MobKaz
  • That’s extremely tough! I watched my sisters struggle over this when it came to them getting married and having their dad and my dad (their step dad) walking them down the aisle. Their dad threw a fit! However my dad was in their life since they were 6-8years old and always considered him their dad too. As they said they had 2 dads. One ended up walking down the aisle with their dad the other decided to have her son walk her down and both dads stood up when asked who was giving this women away. There are many ways of doing it. Talk it over with both your dads and get a feel for it and go from there. Good luck 
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is an old thread. The OP is married now. If you want to start a new post do that. Since you are new here, just a heads up. It is considered poor form to comment on a post that hasn't been active for several months - people disagree on how long but anywhere from3-6 months. Welcome to the Knot!
    MairePoppy
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards