Mother/Son Dance Alternative

Amicos2017

My fiance's mother is in a nursing home and physically unable to come to our wedding. My fiance is very close to his mother so the discussion of a mother/son dance has been a difficult one. I am still going to have a father/daughter dance but we are unsure what to do for my fiance to honor his mother. We have thought of a few options: 1. Nothing at all - which seems odd to not acknowledge his mother's absence since she is still alive. 2. A dance with his sister, with photos of him and his mom playing in a slideshow - this one seems like the better option but may be emotionally hard for the both of them. 
Our DJ also suggested inviting all mothers and sons to the dance floor during a dance with his sister but my fiance is not a fan of that idea since he will be the only one on the dance floor then not able to be with his mom. Our DJ also suggested my fiance dance with his mom at the nursing home and we record it on video to be played in the background during his dance with his sister but his mom is paralyzed on one side and it just wouldn't be physically possible to do this. 

Has anyone done anything to honor their parent (without making it seem like he or she is deceased) that we're just not thinking of? 
Our wedding is in 5 weeks so we have to make a decision soon. Turning here for hopefully some good options. 
Thank you all!

missJeanLouise

Hmmm out of all the options, I think the sister dance is the best option. Can his mom FaceTime/ skype during the reception? Maybe she could give a short toast.

climbingsingle

What does your FI want to do? 

I think dancing with his sister is good option, but I'd refrain from showing pictures of his mom in the background. It will seem like she's passed, IMO. I'm sure most people attending (at least on his side) know why his mother isn't there. 

ahoywedding

I would ask your FI first what he would like to do.

The brother/sister dance is a really sweet idea, but I wouldn't play the pictures. That kind of seems like an "in memoriam" thing, which is weird since she's still alive. Years ago I went to a wedding where the groom's dad had passed about 6 months prior (unexpected). During the mother/son dance, they grabbed the urn of the dad's ashes (yes, they brought it to the wedding) and danced with the urn and it was SUPER awkward. 

MandyMost

Honestly, I think you need to give a bit on the father/daughter dance to make it easier on your soon-to-be-husband that he can't do the mother/son dance.

For instance, my father died and I felt it would have been super awkward and uncomfortable for me to have anyone else dance "in his place". But I didn't want to rob my husband of doing a mother-son-dance. What we did instead is a "family dance". We picked one song, and our immediate families (actually, a little more than immediate, but all people who we are very close to and came to the rehearsal, etc.) were all paired off to dance. My husband danced with his mom, his father danced with is sister, My mother danced with my brother, and danced with an uncles, etc. I actually ended up switching off between my uncle and cousins and stuff during the dance--it was really fun and kept it from shining a spotlight on the fact that my father wasn't there, but still allowed my husband and his mother to have their dance. 

Jen4948

I think streaming the reception for his mom is fine, but don't have the photos in the background. If he needs to have a spotlight dance with his sister, then his sister should be dancing with him in her own right, not "in lieu of" his mother. People will get it.

Cookie Pusher

I was at a wedding recently where they had a father/daughter dance without a mother/son dance. No one seemed to notice or think it was odd so you guys can skip it if doing anything would be too hard on your FI. 

ei34

Cookie Pusher said:

I was at a wedding recently where they had a father/daughter dance without a mother/son dance. No one seemed to notice or think it was odd so you guys can skip it if doing anything would be too hard on your FI. 

I've also been to a couple of weddings where one duo danced but not the other.  Didn't think anything of it.  What's your FI comfortable with?

CMGragain

The father/daughter dance and especially the mother/son dance are VERY recent traditions.  The mother/son dance. especially,  is very new.  My son-in-law did not dance with his mother at their wedding in 2011.  No one thought anything of it.

MairePoppy

Is the nursing home local? Your fi could honor his mom by bringing her flowers the morning of the wedding and having breakfast with her. I would skip the mother/groom dance. I like the idea of the MOG skyping a toast, if it's possible. 

MobKaz

CMGragain said:

The father/daughter dance and especially the mother/son dance are VERY recent traditions.  The mother/son dance. especially,  is very new.  My son-in-law did not dance with his mother at their wedding in 2011.  No one thought anything of it.

When I married, there was no mother/son dance.  My son married in 2012.  He was practically coerced into having a first dance with his bride; a mother/son dance was never a consideration.  The bride chose not to dance with her father, either.  No one blinked.

donethat

It's lovely you want to include your fiance's mother in some special way, but, it doesn't always have to be a dance.   I vote with those who suggest having a father/daughter dance, and not having a mother/son dance.  However, you want to make sure she is acknowledged, so, how about if the groom make's a short toast in his mother's honor.  "As many of you know, mom couldn't be here tonight, but we miss her, and are thinking about her!  Please raise your glass to my mother, and join me in sending her love from me and her new daughter in law!"  Or, someone else who is speaking (toast, speech or even blessing) could also mention her, and that you all love her and wish she could be with you.         Of course, DJ can play mom's fav song or artist at any time, and groom and sister (or aunt or mom's friend etc...) can go dance ... just not a spotlight dance.  That would give you another moment to tell mom about later when you talk to her about the reception, and how much you thought about her!  

banana468

I don't think it's a big deal to omit one but I can tell you I went to weddings nearly 25 years ago that had mother/son dances.  

That said, you don't have to do anything at your wedding just because another couple did it.