Wedding Party

Bridesmaid issues

I am planning my wedding I have a bridesmaid who likes to help but anytime she gets upset with me she just turns it into her wedding planning -_- she’s not engaged yet and gets really annoying to the point I don’t even want her in the wedding or to help me plan. Wha do I do we are good friends she just gets annoying

Re: Bridesmaid issues

  • I assume you would not ask her to be your bridesmaid if you are not close. Talk to her and see where the problem is. It's a happy wedding, even if she's not your bridesmaid anymore, guess she'll still be there in your wedding, isn't it? You don't want it to get ugly over your wedding. Plus think about whether you have done something improperly to her.
  • It's fine that she likes to help....but if you don't like the way that she's contributing, stop asking her to help with stuff. This is your wedding and planning shouldn't be a stressful fight at every turn. 

    If you want to keep her slightly involved, just let her help with simple things like putting stamps on envelopes while you drink wine or helping you look at pictures of flowers. 
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    charlotte989875short+sassySP29ahoywedding
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
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    I would respond to any criticism from her, "I'm sorry you don't like X, but this is what my FI and I decided we wanted for our wedding."

    And if she's offering help you don't want to accept, I'd respond, "Thanks, but we have this covered."

    Then I'd stop discussing your wedding with her beyond the minimum she needs to know because that's a friendship-ending move. 
    SP29
  • You say she is still a good, though sometimes annoying friend, so DO NOT kick her out of the WP!  As other PPs have mentioned, that is such a rude insult, that it is often a friendship-ending move.

    Since she is a PITA to deal with on her offers of help, stop accepting her offers of help.  Simple!  Or, like @southernbelle0915 pointed out, use her help (if it is offered) for more basic things that don't involve opinions.

    Use a phrase like, "Thanks so much for offering to help with (insert task)!  But FI and I already have that covered."  Rinse and repeat, as necessary.

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    She is a bridesmaid so that you can honor her as a friend, not so that she will help you plan your wedding. Kicking her out of the wedding (or passive-aggressively asking her if she wants to step down) is a horrible thing to do and wholly unwarranted here.

    If you don't enjoy planning with her, don't accept her help planning. When she makes snarky comments about your plans, shut it down. "I know you don't like roses, but it's what we've decided to do. I'm sure your wedding will better reflect your tastes. What are you planning for New Years?"

    There's absolutely no reason for her to know any of the details about your wedding planning until the day of, except date, time, and her attire. If you don't want to hear her comments, don't share your plans. 
    SP29ahoyweddingshort+sassy
  • Great catch, @MobKaz!
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  • @MobKaz and @CMGragain are you guys just hurt or snobs because obviously you guys are out to hurt peoples dreams. I’ve discussed with family members and no one things like you to do. I am married yes but in my circumstance invites where sent out like a destination wedding. So you can rain on my parade just fine but I will be safe under my umbrella so thank you for your opions but you can take yourselves else where. 
  • @MobKaz and @CMGragain are you guys just hurt or snobs because obviously you guys are out to hurt peoples dreams. I’ve discussed with family members and no one things like you to do. I am married yes but in my circumstance invites where sent out like a destination wedding. So you can rain on my parade just fine but I will be safe under my umbrella so thank you for your opions but you can take yourselves else where. 
    what does this (bolded) mean?
  • Congratulations on getting married! This friend isn't actually a bridesmaid, so there is no need to "remove" her from any role. If you don't like the help that she's offering, you can politely decline her offers. "I appreciate the help, but I think I can handle this part" "FI is actually working on that part of the planning" "I don't want to feel like I'm taking advantage" whatever. If she's insistent on helping, choose things that can't get messed up; stuffing envelopes, scrolling Pinterest for ideas, etc. 

    Even if you had bridesmaids, they're not required to do anything besides show up in the attire you both agreed on. Please don't end a friendship over this.
    SP29
  • I am planning my wedding I have a bridesmaid who likes to help but anytime she gets upset with me she just turns it into her wedding planning -_- she’s not engaged yet and gets really annoying to the point I don’t even want her in the wedding or to help me plan. Wha do I do we are good friends she just gets annoying
    You are a married woman. I can see why conversations about fake wedding planning turn to someone who isn't actually married - at some point, she will plan an actual wedding.

    I really don't get why you're so hell bent on planning a pretend wedding when you're already married. Just be happy in your marriage and save your money. 
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    banana468ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited December 4
    @MobKaz and @CMGragain are you guys just hurt or snobs because obviously you guys are out to hurt peoples dreams. I’ve discussed with family members and no one things like you to do. I am married yes but in my circumstance invites where sent out like a destination wedding. So you can rain on my parade just fine but I will be safe under my umbrella so thank you for your opions but you can take yourselves else where. 
    As can you.

    When you chose to have a destination wedding instead of your "dream" wedding with a bouquet and garter toss, that was your decision.

    There were tradeoffs. By choosing one kind of wedding, you also chose to forgo the things that go with the other kind.

    Nobody in this forum made that decision, because it wasn't our decision to make. It was yours. You made it.

    All anyone here has done is told you this.


    InLoveInQueens
  • Just talk to her and tell her what are you thinking about, because you are friends, I think she will follow your arrangements.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    edited December 7
    @MobKaz and @CMGragain are you guys just hurt or snobs because obviously you guys are out to hurt peoples dreams. I’ve discussed with family members and no one things like you to do. I am married yes but in my circumstance invites where sent out like a destination wedding. So you can rain on my parade just fine but I will be safe under my umbrella so thank you for your opions but you can take yourselves else where. 
    In your dreams, do words not mean the same thing as in real life?

    Because in real life, a wedding is where two people get married. Two people who get married and then pretend to do the whole thing all over again are lying and too immature to be married.

    It's pathetic. 
    ahoyweddingInLoveInQueensMairePoppysouthernbelle0915
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