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Wedding Party
mrsschaefer0602
member
Bridesmaid issues
I am planning my wedding I have a bridesmaid who likes to help but anytime she gets upset with me she just turns it into her wedding planning -_- she’s not engaged yet and gets really annoying to the point I don’t even want her in the wedding or to help me plan. Wha do I do we are good friends she just gets annoying
Re: Bridesmaid issues
2. Stop asking her to help. Just say "Oh, we've got that covered. Thanks!" It's YOUR wedding. YOU plan it. Why expect a friend (or bridesmaid) to help you plan YOUR wedding?
3. Her duties as your bridesmaid are to show up, sober, wearing the dress, stand up with you at the altar, and smile for pictures. That is all.
Removing someone from your wedding party is almost guaranteed to be a friendship ending move. Your friend getting carried away fantasizing about her future wedding is not a reason to cut ties with her. Don't throw away what is otherwise a good friendship over this.
If you want to keep her slightly involved, just let her help with simple things like putting stamps on envelopes while you drink wine or helping you look at pictures of flowers.
And if she's offering help you don't want to accept, I'd respond, "Thanks, but we have this covered."
Then I'd stop discussing your wedding with her beyond the minimum she needs to know because that's a friendship-ending move.
You say she is still a good, though sometimes annoying friend, so DO NOT kick her out of the WP! As other PPs have mentioned, that is such a rude insult, that it is often a friendship-ending move.
Since she is a PITA to deal with on her offers of help, stop accepting her offers of help. Simple! Or, like @southernbelle0915 pointed out, use her help (if it is offered) for more basic things that don't involve opinions.
Use a phrase like, "Thanks so much for offering to help with (insert task)! But FI and I already have that covered." Rinse and repeat, as necessary.
If you don't enjoy planning with her, don't accept her help planning. When she makes snarky comments about your plans, shut it down. "I know you don't like roses, but it's what we've decided to do. I'm sure your wedding will better reflect your tastes. What are you planning for New Years?"
There's absolutely no reason for her to know any of the details about your wedding planning until the day of, except date, time, and her attire. If you don't want to hear her comments, don't share your plans.
Explain to her that you made a mistake and do not require a bridesmaid for an anniversary party.
What exactly is your dream? You now say that "you have discussed your plans with family" and that "no one "thinks" like I do", and yet in your other post you clearly state frustration that "your MIL and "everyone" is making a huge deal out of your plans." You have said that your family is not "keen" on any of your plans to incorporate any actual wedding related traditions, such as garter toss and wedding party, into this party.
You are married. You want to have a party as if "you just came from your wedding". There is a reason your family is trying to explain to you that this "dream" is unnecessary, unrealistic, and inappropriate.
Have a lovely anniversary party, which is appropriate for your "circumstances." As far as "taking myself elsewhere", I will remind you that YOU initiated an internet post that draws anyone and everyone to it with their opinions. You said that you came to this forum for "answers and opinions". You acknowledge that everyone here has suggested that your plan is not appropriate, as did your family. Now that your plan/ideas have NOT been validated, we are mere "people on a keyboard", whose opinions are clearly not worthy. If you are not ready for comments, advice, or criticism, it would be YOU who needs to go elsewhere.
You get one wedding day and you had yours. It sounded beautiful. You do not get two wedding days.
If you had a dream of a big wedding reception, you could have waited to get married until you could afford one. Many people do this. You decided not to wait. That means you don't get the big wedding reception. It is impossible because you are already married. This was your own decision.
No one has told you that you cannot have a beautiful, romantic party to celebrate your anniversary. Only that you cannot have a bridal party and do wedding related traditions at your celebration party. As for bridesmaids, their only function is to stand up with you at the altar when you say your vows. They have no function at a reception. There they are simply honored guests.
WE ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU! What you are planning is just weird, and many people will share this opinion. Not one person on The Knot has told you that your idea is a good one. Congratulations on your marriage. Now grow up and act like an adult, not a silly child who wants to play "let's pretend".
Even if you had bridesmaids, they're not required to do anything besides show up in the attire you both agreed on. Please don't end a friendship over this.
I really don't get why you're so hell bent on planning a pretend wedding when you're already married. Just be happy in your marriage and save your money.
When you chose to have a destination wedding instead of your "dream" wedding with a bouquet and garter toss, that was your decision.
There were tradeoffs. By choosing one kind of wedding, you also chose to forgo the things that go with the other kind.
Nobody in this forum made that decision, because it wasn't our decision to make. It was yours. You made it.
All anyone here has done is told you this.
Because in real life, a wedding is where two people get married. Two people who get married and then pretend to do the whole thing all over again are lying and too immature to be married.
It's pathetic.