Etiquette

XP Bridal Shower with No Registry?

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Re: XP Bridal Shower with No Registry?

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    So I just went through this - the baby died after about an hour, unexpectedly, guys - and one of our friends' parents sent a check. We had to ask our friend what it was intended for. Basically it was a donation to charity in her name, but they wanted us to be able to choose the charity. Plenty of other people gave to our family, but in the form of gift cards to restaurants and grocery stores.
    Oh, Flan, I am so so sorry. *hugs*


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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    @flantastic I'm sorry for your loss.
                
  • @flantastic I'm so sorry for your loss. That's terrible.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @flantastic I'm so sorry for your loss. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Thanks, guys. Don't want to totally thread hijack, so I'll update a little on WW.

    Anniversary

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    SITB...  To clarify, for funerals it's considered Memorial Money unless the family specifically asked for charitable donations to a specific charity (in which case, check made out to the charity and given to the family to give).  The idea with memorial money being the money goes to the deceased's family to help pay for any costs relating to the funeral, memorial, headstone, bereavement, unexpected costs, tide over before death benefits, take care of the family in a time of need, masses, etc.  instead of spending it on flowers that are going to wither or the family may simply not want.  

    Especially in cases where the person is young like my cousin's wife unexpectedly passing they didn't have the finances saved up for something like the unexpected cost of the funeral and it took 3-6months for all the insurance money to come through yet things like their mortgage were still due on the same date of the month and the bank didn't care she died leaving him without the second income to pay said mortgage.  Memorial money helped give him a chance to keep ahead while his life was upside down.  In other cases each of the siblings divided up the money and used it how they saw fit (some donated it to charity, others masses, others did something special to remember the deceased - did something on an "anniversary date" that the deceased considered special, things like kept the birdfeeders full, went to dinner at the deceased's favorite restaurant as a family, etc.).  
     
    MairePoppy said:
    eileenrob said:
    MesmrEwe said:
    I'm overall not a "Cash gift giver" SNS.  Cash gifts just aren't my thing except at funerals.  If I know the couple well enough to be invited to their wedding I know them well enough to put a "No matter how many you've got you'll go through it/use it" type gift together for them.   Otherwise I hand it over to DH, who will give their request due consideration to the tackiness level of the cash request.  


    SITB

    Are cash gifts at funerals a thing?  (Not judging just curious.)  If it’s a Catholic wake I bring a Mass card, which did cost a small amount of money, but I’ve never given cash to the grieving family.
    I’ve also visited with food, which again cost me money to purchase (and time to prepare), but not a “cash gift”.  I’m just intrigued..
    My MIL, who understood how an unexpected death could strain a family's finances, always put money in her sympathy cards and placed them in the card basket near the guest book. She was grateful to those who helped her out when her husband passed away and wanted to pay it forward.

    Depending on the circumstances, I either make a memorial donation to the charity listed in the obituary, or I put cash in the card and bring it to the funeral. The family can use it however they wish. 

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  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @flantastic you have been in my thoughts and prayers and will continue to be.
  • @flantastic oh I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you hugs and love. 
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