Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR - gift guidelines for child's party

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Re: NWR - gift guidelines for child's party

  • I wish people could make more of an effort. I love giving a gift in a box with a bow. I also know people are overwhelmed by stuff. So I usually buy a book, or a box of crayons, or an item of clothing. I think people who get seven massive plastic toys are ruining it for the rest of us!
    It depends. We're trying to teach my son that it's not about "stuff" he gets from people, it's about the time they take to spend time with him and do things with him and make an effort to spend time with him. He doesn't need another stuffie or package of crayons or play-doh. He wants to spend time with his friends and family. 

  • I wish people could make more of an effort. I love giving a gift in a box with a bow. I also know people are overwhelmed by stuff. So I usually buy a book, or a box of crayons, or an item of clothing. I think people who get seven massive plastic toys are ruining it for the rest of us!
    It depends. We're trying to teach my son that it's not about "stuff" he gets from people, it's about the time they take to spend time with him and do things with him and make an effort to spend time with him. He doesn't need another stuffie or package of crayons or play-doh. He wants to spend time with his friends and family. 

    Yeah fine okay. But also maybe just gratitude for generosity, especially when people do make an effort to not make it overwhelming? Also a box of crayons is wayyyyyyy cheaper than an activity.
    DD always needs new crayons. If she hasn't broken to splinters yet our current set, we appreciate having the backup box.

    If she really doesn't need something, we'll give it away, after sending a thank you note. If someone asks, I'll give them direction, but otherwise no. I get how it happens that people decide to gently say "please no gifts" but IMO it's just like weddings - don't assume gifts, and it's on you to figure out what to do with them if someone does give something. Sure, it's harder when toddler feelings are involved, but we just have to set those boundaries.

    It does drive me bonkers that MIL always "knows best" on gifts and yet never knows best, but we're all still trying to be grateful that she thought of us. I'm certain her love language is gifts (even though she's remarkably bad at realizing that not everyone likes what she likes) and so that is an expression of her love. She also does want to spend time with all the grandkids. Hopefully she'll realize one day that the time spent is far more popular with the kids.
  • I wish people could make more of an effort. I love giving a gift in a box with a bow. I also know people are overwhelmed by stuff. So I usually buy a book, or a box of crayons, or an item of clothing. I think people who get seven massive plastic toys are ruining it for the rest of us!
    It depends. We're trying to teach my son that it's not about "stuff" he gets from people, it's about the time they take to spend time with him and do things with him and make an effort to spend time with him. He doesn't need another stuffie or package of crayons or play-doh. He wants to spend time with his friends and family. 

    Yeah fine okay. But also maybe just gratitude for generosity, especially when people do make an effort to not make it overwhelming? Also a box of crayons is wayyyyyyy cheaper than an activity. 
    We do teach gratitude, we also teach that it's not about gifts or who brings the better or bigger gift. Chances are that a gift that comes into our house (like the 7 boxes of crayons and various markers, stuffed animals, etc) automatically get put out to donation. We do not have the room, my son is not interested in them and we do not have the space nor the inclination to keep that crap. People get a thank you, a card and a smile. If you want to take my kid to the park or the library, out to the aviary or a museum, chances are that will be a much better experience for everyone involved. 
  • I wish people could make more of an effort. I love giving a gift in a box with a bow. I also know people are overwhelmed by stuff. So I usually buy a book, or a box of crayons, or an item of clothing. I think people who get seven massive plastic toys are ruining it for the rest of us!
    It depends. We're trying to teach my son that it's not about "stuff" he gets from people, it's about the time they take to spend time with him and do things with him and make an effort to spend time with him. He doesn't need another stuffie or package of crayons or play-doh. He wants to spend time with his friends and family. 

    Yeah fine okay. But also maybe just gratitude for generosity, especially when people do make an effort to not make it overwhelming? Also a box of crayons is wayyyyyyy cheaper than an activity. 
    We do teach gratitude, we also teach that it's not about gifts or who brings the better or bigger gift. Chances are that a gift that comes into our house (like the 7 boxes of crayons and various markers, stuffed animals, etc) automatically get put out to donation. We do not have the room, my son is not interested in them and we do not have the space nor the inclination to keep that crap. People get a thank you, a card and a smile. If you want to take my kid to the park or the library, out to the aviary or a museum, chances are that will be a much better experience for everyone involved. 
    My point is really just that we should all try and meet each other half way. I’ll try to give something small, useful, that can be used up. You try not to refer to that gift as crap or make aggressive demands about gifts. And no, I don’t actually hav any interest in taking most of the toddlers in my life out on an activity! I just want to give them a token of love. 
    I think the whole point is to ask. Most people usually ask parents first and those parents can give gentle suggestions. No one is saying "don't buy anything" but be mindful. For instance if you know that a kid has a ton of clothes or a particular relative that buys them clothes, don't get them clothes. 

    My son has a birthday party he was invited to, I asked the parents what the kid wanted. Not that difficult. Mom gave me a list of ideas. We'll go and purchase something based on that. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited April 2018
    I can also see both sides of it. I wouldn't want to be dictated to, but at the same time I can understand a parent wanting to make sure that his or her child wasn't given anything the parent didn't want the child to have.

    I think I would just ask her what you might do for the child that both she and the child would appreciate. If she says "nothing," I would leave it alone. She sounds controlling, but at the same time, it's her child and her prerogative to decide what, if any, kinds of gifts her child can have.
  • LOL, ahhh, a time when children's toys were still dangerous...
    Oh no, it wasn't dangerous. The hazardous chemicals were clearly marked with a skull and crossbone with 'poisonous' written on them. 

    One time, when my kids were little,  we were lighting fireworks in the backyard. My Dad told the kids that the homemade ones were better. Everyone just laughed because we all know the story about Dad singing off his eyebrows when he and his cousin got into some mischief. Still has both eyes.
                       
  • LOL, ahhh, a time when children's toys were still dangerous...
    Oh no, it wasn't dangerous. The hazardous chemicals were clearly marked with a skull and crossbone with 'poisonous' written on them. 

    One time, when my kids were little,  we were lighting fireworks in the backyard. My Dad told the kids that the homemade ones were better. Everyone just laughed because we all know the story about Dad singing off his eyebrows when he and his cousin got into some mischief. Still has both eyes.
    I'd love to see this in a store nowadays :) My son is super excited because he and daddy are building a volcano and then doing lava. We just haven't decided how to do the lava yet, ie, which chemical combinations to teach him. 
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