Can't decide on bridesmaids dresses

flantastic

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

So I'm able to get the bridesmaids to understand about the style I'm going for, but now it's become a hassle to get them together to go look at dresses. I only have 2 brideamaids, so I would like to get their input since it's their dresses. But I don't drive and they are always busy, so we never can seem to go look at dresses togther. It's become a real problem that they are uninterested in finding a dress we all agree on, and it's like a slap in the face that they both can't seem to make time to go look at dresses with me. Yet whenever they have something to do, like tickets to a concert or want to see deadpool, it seems like that's no problem. I guess now I need to figure.out how to make thet come with me to go dress shopping, because time is going by so fast and they haven't bought a dress. I wish they were as interested in being my bridesmaids as they are with their craft beer cruises and movies.

My guess is they are interested (hopefully, still) in being your friend, which is what the bridesmaid role is about. You choose BMs to honor your friends. Maybe they would be interested in something fun, like a movie or a craft beer cruise, with you. Or whatever else you guys used to do together for fun before you tried to insist that shared time be wasted spent on you shooting down all their ideas shopping for a dress.

Not all friends are interested in the aesthetics of someone else's party, especially when that person has already decided the aesthetic, and are picky as hell, and yet still somehow wants you to do the work involved. But that's fine, because being really into the "look" of some dresses is not really what friendship is. So being interested in this nonsense is not what being a bridesmaid should require.

ShesSoCold

If you're honestly seeing shopping for a dress as a favor to you as the same thing as a personal hobby, we cannot help you.

ETA: And I certainly hope you do as much for these people as you expect them to do for you.

lovesclimbing

ahoywedding said:

They. Don't. Want. To. Go. Shopping. With. You.

That ship sailed when you told them to pick something within your parameters, they did, and you decided you didn't like it. At this point, if I was one of your BMs, I would tell you to just f*cking pick something already and I'll just wear that. It could have been a fun thing to do together if you were clear about your expectations up front, but you weren't, so here we are. Put your friendships above a dress they will wear for one day and let them wear the one they have now. I think you've said you want a laid back, chill wedding, so take your own advice and let this one go.

All of this. 

As I pointed out in a previous comment, there is NOTHING WRONG with wanting to go shopping with your bridesmaids. However, if that's what you wanted, you should have tried to make that work in the beginning. You can't just do it this way, decide that doesn't work, do it another way, repeat without annoying people. You should have decided on a process and stuck with it at the beginning, not change tacks in the middle after they've already purchased a dress. 

charlotte989875

knottiee7cb65b5d04be4f1 said:

So I'm able to get the bridesmaids to understand about the style I'm going for, but now it's become a hassle to get them together to go look at dresses. I only have 2 brideamaids, so I would like to get their input since it's their dresses. But I don't drive and they are always busy, so we never can seem to go look at dresses togther. It's become a real problem that they are uninterested in finding a dress we all agree on, and it's like a slap in the face that they both can't seem to make time to go look at dresses with me. Yet whenever they have something to do, like tickets to a concert or want to see deadpool, it seems like that's no problem. I guess now I need to figure.out how to make thet come with me to go dress shopping, because time is going by so fast and they haven't bought a dress. I wish they were as interested in being my bridesmaids as they are with their craft beer cruises and movies.

Honestly, your post sounds pretty rude toward your friends. 

Of course they'd rather do see Deadpool, or a concert they bought tickets to, or craft beer cruises, than search for a dress after they found one they liked (which you told them to do) and then you vetoed it. 

Look, it seems like you're asking a lot of your friends in the name of "wedding planning" and you're not listening to what they are telling you; that it is all too much. 

As everyone has said either 1) pick a dress in their budget and tell them to order it, or 2) be clear about the parameters of the dress and let them buy one, but do not veto any of their choices. 

You mention in another thread that you don't drive, that you you ask one friend to drive you pretty much everywhere, and you've refused to get addresses for a shower like the hostess has asked you too, and other friends are working your wedding. You are relying a whole lot of your friends for a day that is about you and your FI. The best thing to do in this situation is to apologize for making this dress situation difficult, let them wear a dress they like (or just pick one for them to wear), and stop expecting everyone to drop everything just because you're getting married. You are right, you're entitled to ask people to wear certain attire in the bridal party, but you're not entitled to demand they are as excited about wedding planning/shopping/or anything wedding-related as you are.