Asked for Address -- have to invite?

lavellerossmell

I want to start by saying my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves.  However my mom started adding people to our guest list and asking them for their addresses. We budgeted for 150, the guest list is up to 185.   My question is, if she asked for their address do we have to invite?   As I said WE are paying and cannot afford all of these extra people she decided on. 

ShesSoCold

lavellerossmell said:

I want to start by saying my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves.  However my mom started adding people to our guest list and asking them for their addresses. We budgeted for 150, the guest list is up to 185.   My question is, if she asked for their address do we have to invite?   As I said WE are paying and cannot afford all of these extra people she decided on. 

No. Your mom's big mouth is not and should not be your problem.

But, you need to stand up for yourself and tell her to stop. "Mom, Fiance and I are unable to accommodate your extra guests. Please stop trying to add people and asking for addresses as these people will NOT be invited."

When you say 185, can your venue and budget support that many people? A lot of couples read articles advising them to plan for like 20% to decline but that's definitely not always the case. And we have numerous panic posts here every year when way more people RSVPed yes than the venue can accommodate and the couple is forced to find a plan B. Please don't put yourself in that situation.

MobKaz

What she ^^ said.

"Mom, stop adding your guests to OUR wedding.  No invitations will be sent to anyone that was not put on the guest list by either myself or FI."

@lavellerossmell, you have some serious list cutting to do.  Don't forget that you also have to include any vendors in your count as well. 

levioosa

Ditto PP’s. Do not allow your mom to add guests. If your parents were contributing to the wedding, they would deserve a choice in who was invited, but that’s not the case here. But now you a treading in dangerous territory. I’ll also tell you something I’ve mentioned here several times: I have now been in several weddings where the B&G invited over capacity thinking people would decline (out of state family, destination weddings). EVERYONE CAME. And it was miserable. That 20% number can lull you into a false sense of security. Don’t count on it and be able to properly host everyone you invite. 

Jen4948

lavellerossmell said:

I want to start by saying my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves.  However my mom started adding people to our guest list and asking them for their addresses. We budgeted for 150, the guest list is up to 185.   My question is, if she asked for their address do we have to invite?   As I said WE are paying and cannot afford all of these extra people she decided on. 

As PPs note, you need to nip this in the bud yesterday: "Mom, the guest list is closed. Stop adding extra people now. And if anyone gives you their address, you'll have to tell them that you made a mistake. We're not inviting them and won't be able to accommodate them at the wedding if they show up."

maine7mob

Wow! Tell your mom that since you are paying for your wedding reception, you are officially the hosts, and the hosts get to decide who is invited. Period. If your venue can support more (make sure this is the case) AND your mom wants to pay for the extra guests AND you want them to come, then you can decide whether to invite them. But again, it is your call and only your call.

Your mother alone will suffer the embarrassment of asking for addresses from people you did not subsequently invite. This is not on you. It's on her.

MairePoppy

Isn't it great news that you're not on the hook for your mom's would-be guests? Just tell mom your invitation list is complete and you won't be adding to it. Then it's out of your hands.

lavellerossmell

Thank you so much for all of your advise! Makes me feel better in my wanting her to stop.   Everyone keeps saying the 20% no rate, but we kept the guest list so tight (aside from my moms extras), it is mostly just closest friends and immediate family so I am thinking we will be getting a lot of yes's. I also don't want to rely on the 20% no rate.   The venue does accommodate up to 200, however we went to go look at it recently set for 130 and it was already getting crammed. So I have no idea where the extra 5 tables would even go if we had 180. 

Time to just nip this in the bud, and stop her now! 

Thanks everyone!