Inviting Children

knottieffd308519aec5b27

My fiance and I are currently working on the guest list. He only wants to invite some of our guests children, but I am concerned that it is not a good idea. If we tell some people they cannot bring their child(ren), but allow others to bring their child(ren) I think it could cause problems. What do you think? 

MobKaz

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

My fiance and I are currently working on the guest list. He only wants to invite some of our guests children, but I am concerned that it is not a good idea. If we tell some people they cannot bring their child(ren), but allow others to bring their child(ren) I think it could cause problems. What do you think? 

You and your FI can invite whomever you choose, but those decisions will have consequences.  There are ways to make your decisions more "palatable" or acceptable to others, even though it really is not their business. 

You do not tell people their children are not invited.  You make clear by the way you address your invitations as to who IS invited.  You can have an adult only reception.  You can invite limited and/or specific children.  It will be easier for others to accept/understand your decision if your invitations to children make sense, such as limiting children to immediate family only, or other logical social circles.  You could invite the children of guests traveling from out of town.  These situations make sense.  What would NOT make sense is inviting the children of friends A, B, and D but not the children of friend C.

The other "fall out" to expect is that if you do not include the children of some invited guests, they may choose to decline your invitation.  That is their choice to your decisions.

banana468

Could you invite in circles?

We invited the children of cousins (no nieces or nephews at the time) but not the children of friends.   Would something like that help as a compromise?

ernursej

I had a childfree wedding and loved it. If you are thinking about only inviting some, do it in circles as PPs have suggested. Agree with above that you only list who is invited and if you get a question, "I didn't see little Johnny's name on the invite, is he invited", just reply that the invitation is for just you and John Sr. Expect that some people who have kids that are not invited may choose to not attend or leave early but that may be okay.

ILoveBeachMusic

One thing to remember though, if you have children in your wedding, i.e. a ring bearer and/or flower girl, they are invited to the reception. It is also nice to invite their siblings if there are any.

banana468

ILoveBeachMusic said:

One thing to remember though, if you have children in your wedding, i.e. a ring bearer and/or flower girl, they are invited to the reception. It is also nice to invite their siblings if there are any.

I'm going to go so far as to say that it's beyond nice - you really should not divide families if you have one kid invited.    

ILoveBeachMusic

banana468 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

One thing to remember though, if you have children in your wedding, i.e. a ring bearer and/or flower girl, they are invited to the reception. It is also nice to invite their siblings if there are any.

I'm going to go so far as to say that it's beyond nice - you really should not divide families if you have one kid invited.    

True. Good catch but I have had people say that in the case of wedding party members that isn't necessarily the case. I feel that it is though.

banana468

ILoveBeachMusic said:

banana468 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

One thing to remember though, if you have children in your wedding, i.e. a ring bearer and/or flower girl, they are invited to the reception. It is also nice to invite their siblings if there are any.

I'm going to go so far as to say that it's beyond nice - you really should not divide families if you have one kid invited.    

True. Good catch but I have had people say that in the case of wedding party members that isn't necessarily the case. I feel that it is though.

I think that if you think it's cool to split a family like that you have no business having a child stand up with you on your wedding day.

I'm cool w/ saying that kids in the WP are exceptions to the no kids rule.   But don't invite Sally to be the FG and tell her bro that because he's not a RB he can suck an egg. 

ILoveBeachMusic

banana468 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

banana468 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

One thing to remember though, if you have children in your wedding, i.e. a ring bearer and/or flower girl, they are invited to the reception. It is also nice to invite their siblings if there are any.

I'm going to go so far as to say that it's beyond nice - you really should not divide families if you have one kid invited.    

True. Good catch but I have had people say that in the case of wedding party members that isn't necessarily the case. I feel that it is though.

I think that if you think it's cool to split a family like that you have no business having a child stand up with you on your wedding day.

I'm cool w/ saying that kids in the WP are exceptions to the no kids rule.   But don't invite Sally to be the FG and tell her bro that because he's not a RB he can suck an egg. 

SITB

I agreed with you but was saying I had heard otherwise.

knottieffd308519aec5b27

We don't want to split families. It was more like allowing saying close family members and close friends to bring their children, but not allowing extended family to bring their children since we have not seen these children about 7-10 years or only ever see them once a year. 

ernursej

knottieffd308519aec5b27 said:

We don't want to split families. It was more like allowing saying close family members and close friends to bring their children, but not allowing extended family to bring their children since we have not seen these children about 7-10 years or only ever see them once a year. 

You should be fine then. Just address the invitation to those you want to invite and be prepared to follow up when you end up with replies for more than were invited.

knottieffd308519aec5b27

Thanks for everyone's advice. we decided we are not inviting children except for our flower girls and ring bearer