Developmentally Disabled Cousin at Ceremony

knottieaa09f02bc93160de

Hi everyone - I have a developmentally disabled cousin that we are inviting to our wedding. She is in her 30s, but probably has the developmental level of a 2 year old. Our question is around our wedding ceremony.

We requested no children at the wedding, have hired professional photographers and videographers, and really would like our guests to treat it as a special moment (no cell phones, respectful silence). This poses a dilemma with my cousin:

• She will make loud grunting noises/sounds (she cannot speak)
• She occasionally will hit people nearby

My SO and I don't feel comfortable with her at the ceremony for these reasons, but would love for her to be at the reception and all other aspects of the wedding. Is there a tactful way we can bring this up with my cousin's caregiver? 

levioosa

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Hi everyone - I have a developmentally disabled cousin that we are inviting to our wedding. She is in her 30s, but probably has the developmental level of a 2 year old. Our question is around our wedding ceremony.

We requested no children at the wedding, have hired professional photographers and videographers, and really would like our guests to treat it as a special moment (no cell phones, respectful silence). This poses a dilemma with my cousin:

• She will make loud grunting noises/sounds (she cannot speak)
• She occasionally will hit people nearby

My SO and I don't feel comfortable with her at the ceremony for these reasons, but would love for her to be at the reception and all other aspects of the wedding. Is there a tactful way we can bring this up with my cousin's caregiver? 

This whole post sours my stomach. 

Also no, you cannot request that adults refrain from using their phones. That is out of line. 

knottieaa09f02bc93160de

Why does it sour your stomach? That's not very helpful feedback.

Regarding phones, to clarify, this is asking that people do not use their phones to take pictures or do other activities during the ceremony. Which is completely acceptable. 

Jen4948

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Why does it sour your stomach? That's not very helpful feedback.

Regarding phones, to clarify, this is asking that people do not use their phones to take pictures or do other activities during the ceremony. Which is completely acceptable. 

No, actually it's not (as has been indicated in various other threads in this forum).

 It's not going to go down well with your guests to be told what to do or not do with their phones. Your being the bride or groom won't make your guests feel different. They may not share their feelings with you, but that doesn't mean they approve of what you're asking them or the way you're going about it.

As for your cousin, no, there is no tactful way to bring up anything with her caregivers. All you can do is not invite her (if you haven't already sent the invitation, in which case it's too late).

missJeanLouise

The reason you are having a hard time coming up with a tactful or polite way to not invite your cousin to the ceremony is because there isn’t one. Why do you want her at the reception at all?

LondonLisa

Here is your script: “aunt, it is more important that I have all of the attention so I can have a nice video. She isn’t really a family member because she can’t do what I want. I don’t want to have to do multiple takes. So please can you make sure our family, who make noises due to no fault of there own, don’t ruin my attention-fest. I know we are family and this will make you feel unwelcome, hurt and upset in an already challenging situation but my need for constant validation is more important. “

I cant believe a grown adult would be so callous and heartless to exclude a family member for having the audacity to be developmentally disabled. What do you want your family to do? Sit in the car with her whilst everyone else gets to attend? I bet they have had a lifetime of being excluded, but to do it to your own family, for what- a video, is disgusting. Just have a wedding with paid extras so you can control every aspect. You clearly don’t care about anyone but yourself. Shame on you. 

ILoveBeachMusic

No you can't not invite your cousin to the ceremony but invite her to the reception. As PPs have said that would be rude. As for the phones, the only acceptable way of telling guests to not having phones out is having the officiant to remind people not to take people during the ceremony - many churches have rules against this. Of course if you aren't having a church ceremony that wouldn't work.

knottieaa09f02bc93160de

Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:

• You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
• They have a baby
• You request that the wedding is children-free
• Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
• Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?

We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.

LondonLisa

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:

• You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
• They have a baby
• You request that the wedding is children-free
• Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
• Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?

We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.

So you would rather have your good friend/ relative not attend?! No, I wouldn’t banish them from my ceremony. I actually wanted to be surrounded by the people I love at my wedding, and if a slight noise was made, so be it- that’s life.   Why not just duct tape everyone’s mouth shut so they can’t accidentally sneeze and endure your wrath. 

Life happens. Things happen. You can’t control everything. I go back to my original suggestion of hire paid actors and distribute a script if you need this much control. You clearly don’t care about the thoughts and feelings (or even if the person is able to attend) of your ‘loved’ ones.

Christ on a cracker how much attention does a grown woman need?!

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a

There are so many varying shades of grey, it's ridiculous that PPs would be so quick to judge your situation. The fact of the matter is there are many decisions and considerations that go into a wedding and at the end of the day, you simply can't please everyone (and shouldn't have to). This is your wedding, not anyone else's. A wedding SHOULD be about the two people getting married and what they want, plain and simple. People can call you selfish/callous all they want, but if they think someone being at a ceremony (or wedding) vs. not being at one means that you don't "love" your family member then they're seriously naive.

Many people have unplugged ceremonies and don't invite children to their weddings. It doesn't mean they're trying to police guests or hate children. Recording a wedding counts thousands of dollars and you can't just "do another take." As someone who works in media, that's not a thing with wedding ceremonies. There's no director who can yell "cut" or really a way to truly isolate and edit out sounds in a video in this format. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and your SO wanting things a certain way for 15-20 minutes of this day.

And before people jump on me, I've known people who've had to deal with exact situations like this with even closer family members. And guess what? People lived because it's a freaking WEDDING, one very important, cherished day in these two people's lives. Family members who have any level of understanding of what that means know that it's not 100% about themselves or their own needs, and it's certainly not a symbol of the bride or groom's love for THEM.

My best advice to you and your SO is not listen to people here and ask friends who've been in similar situations how they've best handled it. People online are too quick to judge and are generally unable to fully grasp and understand a situation like this. And they won't put in the time to because it's easier to just spew nasty words to people dealing with a tough situation because it makes them feel virtuous.

*Edited by moderator for TOS violation-Maire

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a

Oh boy. *rolls eyes* Wow, you must be a REALLY good person.

And yeah, let's assume the OP is a woman. That's cool.

missJeanLouise

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:

• You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
• They have a baby
• You request that the wedding is children-free
• Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
• Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?

We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.

This has absolutely nothing to do with not allowing your developmentally different cousin to the ceremony. 

Also NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR WEDDING AS MUCH AS YOU DO!  I bet, even if there are no cell phones or babies, people will be sitting there thinking “how long is this going to take?” “Wonder if they are serving Swedish meatballs” “I wonder if little Joey is acting up for the sitter?” “Oh shit, it’s over already!? Lol” unless you are going to be the thought police too you will not get 15-20 minutes of everyone “attending to the moment.”  

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a

missJeanLouise said:

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:

• You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
• They have a baby
• You request that the wedding is children-free
• Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
• Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?

We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.

This has absolutely nothing to do with not allowing your developmentally different cousin to the ceremony. 

Also NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR WEDDING AS MUCH AS YOU DO!  I bet, even if there are no cell phones or babies, people will be sitting there thinking “how long is this going to take?” “Wonder if they are serving Swedish meatballs” “I wonder if little Joey is acting up for the sitter?” “Oh shit, it’s over already!? Lol” unless you are going to be the thought police too you will not get 15-20 minutes of everyone “attending to the moment.”  

Holy aggression. Calm down, friend ...

missJeanLouise

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a said:

missJeanLouise said:

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:

• You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
• They have a baby
• You request that the wedding is children-free
• Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
• Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?

We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.

This has absolutely nothing to do with not allowing your developmentally different cousin to the ceremony. 

Also NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR WEDDING AS MUCH AS YOU DO!  I bet, even if there are no cell phones or babies, people will be sitting there thinking “how long is this going to take?” “Wonder if they are serving Swedish meatballs” “I wonder if little Joey is acting up for the sitter?” “Oh shit, it’s over already!? Lol” unless you are going to be the thought police too you will not get 15-20 minutes of everyone “attending to the moment.”  

Holy aggression. Calm down, friend ...

Not aggressive. Capitalized for emphasis 

ILoveBeachMusic

I can't believe you are equating your relative to a lawn mower or an engine revving OP. This is what is wrong with the wedding industry. I hate to tell you this. Something will happen the day of your wedding that you didn't plan. It won't ruin the day - at least I hope not. The most important thing is that you and your FI are married. Not that someone didn't cough, or take a picture during the processional or heaven forbid make an unplanned noise. I had children at my wedding (it was the norm 36 years ago), I couldn't tell you if any of them made a peep. You know why? I was so caught up with the thought of marrying my now husband that I didn't notice. I'm not saying you or anyone else should have children at your wedding but good grief an unplanned noise during the ceremony isn't going to ruin the whole thing. It isn't about getting the perfect video recording or the perfect pictures from your photographer, it is about joining you and your FI in marriage. Focus on the important stuff and get over yourself!

maine7mob

Please invite your disabled relative. Her caregivers will know whether it is appropriate to bring her. 

My son-in-law has a nephew with autism so severe that he cannot live with his own family because his violent outbursts put his siblings in danger. When we issued invites to our D's wedding last summer, we invited him (he is the child of SIL's older sister.) We invited his whole family. They chose to leave him with a caregiver instead of bringing him, but it was their choice. Was I relieved? Yes, because like your relative, this boy is unpredictable in his violent outbursts. But I knew it was right to invite him. And if he had attended and caused trouble, that would not have been my problem, just as it isn't yours.

You will have a much more enjoyable wedding if you recognize that you cannot, and should not, try to control every little thing. My daughter's ceremony was far from perfect even though this little boy didn't attend. There was rain, the flower girl was naughty, the pictures took way too long, there was too much cake, etc., but the whole thing was lovely anyway. Your wedding will be, too, if you err on the side of being gracious and kind.

maine7mob

Oh, and regarding the cellphone issue, is this a church/house of worship wedding? If so, you should consider having a program (people need to know what's what so they don't feel awkward) and in it, you can mention silencing phones.  But if they ignore this request, it will be fine. D had a full Catholic mass, and we saw some lovely pics later that the photographer had missed, thanks to people "disobeying" the no phones request.

aisfora86

As someone who not only has a cousin with a developmental disability, but who has worked with individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities throughout my career, what you're planning to do is unacceptable. As a family member, you should be promoting inclusion of your loved one, not excluding them because it fits whatever power trip you're on because of your wedding. Excluding someone with a disability is NOT the same as not including children in your ceremony. The relative is NOT a child. They are an adult who happens to be different from you. Shame on you, OP.

And honestly, if you were my family member or friend and I found out that you didn't include your cousin because of their disability, I would not only not come to your wedding, I would probably cut off all contact, because that behavior is disgraceful, and you're an ableist.

MobKaz

knottieaa09f02bc93160de said:

Hi everyone - I have a developmentally disabled cousin that we are inviting to our wedding. She is in her 30s, but probably has the developmental level of a 2 year old. Our question is around our wedding ceremony.

We requested no children at the wedding, have hired professional photographers and videographers, and really would like our guests to treat it as a special moment (no cell phones, respectful silence). This poses a dilemma with my cousin:

• She will make loud grunting noises/sounds (she cannot speak)
• She occasionally will hit people nearby

My SO and I don't feel comfortable with her at the ceremony for these reasons, but would love for her to be at the reception and all other aspects of the wedding. Is there a tactful way we can bring this up with my cousin's caregiver? 

Your one and only dilemma is with yourself.  
You invite your cousin, or any other guest, for the entire event or none of the event.
As for the remainder of your insane requests, might I suggest a change of venue?
You seem to prefer life this way.....

MobKaz

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a said:

There are so many varying shades of grey, it's ridiculous that PPs would be so quick to judge your situation. The fact of the matter is there are many decisions and considerations that go into a wedding and at the end of the day, you simply can't please everyone (and shouldn't have to). This is your wedding, not anyone else's. A wedding SHOULD be about the two people getting married and what they want, plain and simple. People can call you selfish/callous all they want, but if they think someone being at a ceremony (or wedding) vs. not being at one means that you don't "love" your family member then they're seriously naive.

Many people have unplugged ceremonies and don't invite children to their weddings. It doesn't mean they're trying to police guests or hate children. Recording a wedding counts thousands of dollars and you can't just "do another take." As someone who works in media, that's not a thing with wedding ceremonies. There's no director who can yell "cut" or really a way to truly isolate and edit out sounds in a video in this format. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and your SO wanting things a certain way for 15-20 minutes of this day.

And before people jump on me, I've known people who've had to deal with exact situations like this with even closer family members. And guess what? People lived because it's a freaking WEDDING, one very important, cherished day in these two people's lives. Family members who have any level of understanding of what that means know that it's not 100% about themselves or their own needs, and it's certainly not a symbol of the bride or groom's love for THEM.

My best advice to you and your SO is not listen to people here and ask friends who've been in similar situations how they've best handled it. People online are too quick to judge and are generally unable to fully grasp and understand a situation like this. And they won't put in the time to because it's easier to just spew nasty words to people dealing with a tough situation because it makes them feel virtuous.

*Edited by moderator for TOS violation. Maire

There are indeed many decisions and considerations that go into hosting a wedding.  First and foremost, all decisions are guided by hospitality and etiquette.  Must you invite anyone and everyone?  Absolutely NOT!  However, anyone invited must be treated with the utmost in hospitality and civility.  Any invited guest is treated the same and must be invited to the ENTIRE event.  

The OP is being called out for rudeness in their attempt to invite a guest to a partial portion of one event.  The reason people ask questions of strangers on public forums is because (in theory) they are seeking honest and objective answers.  You cannot always get such a response from family and friends.  If OP does have friends or family who have done similar things, it is pointless to ask a rude person how to handle a rude situation.

You are correct about one thing.  People online can be quick to judge and spew nasty words.  I appreciate you proving your own point by being the only one here to spew and judge.

climbingsingle

WOW. I don't even have words. OP, you should ashamed of yourself for putting your "vision" ahead of your relative AND guests. Unplugged weddings are rude, regardless of how many articles The Knot writes about it. 

As for your relative - I think it's horrible you want to ban her from your ceremony, all because she might have an outburst. So what? Your ceremony will still happen. You'll still end up married. And trust me on this - you won't even notice while you're up there saying your vows. 

charlotte989875

Wow this makes me feel incredibly sad, that you would treat another person, let alone a family member like this. Maybe you shouldn’t invite your cousin, at all to the wedding or reception, if this is how you treat them. 

As for the the cell phones; realistically are you going to be checking to see if someone turned them off? If not then there is no way to enforce it and people will leave their phones on. If you’re having an adult only wedding people with kids will need to be able to hear from their sitters, people who are on-call for jobs will need to have their phones on to hear from their work. 

On being in the moment? Even if people follow your orders to turn off their phones they can/will still be thinking about whatever they want. You can’t control people to do and be exactly how you want and the sooner you accept that the better wedding planning and life will be. 

ShesSoCold

Well, this is disgusting.

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a

MobKaz said:

knottiecc29f9d3fa986f7a said:

There are so many varying shades of grey, it's ridiculous that PPs would be so quick to judge your situation. The fact of the matter is there are many decisions and considerations that go into a wedding and at the end of the day, you simply can't please everyone (and shouldn't have to). This is your wedding, not anyone else's. A wedding SHOULD be about the two people getting married and what they want, plain and simple. People can call you selfish/callous all they want, but if they think someone being at a ceremony (or wedding) vs. not being at one means that you don't "love" your family member then they're seriously naive.

Many people have unplugged ceremonies and don't invite children to their weddings. It doesn't mean they're trying to police guests or hate children. Recording a wedding counts thousands of dollars and you can't just "do another take." As someone who works in media, that's not a thing with wedding ceremonies. There's no director who can yell "cut" or really a way to truly isolate and edit out sounds in a video in this format. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you and your SO wanting things a certain way for 15-20 minutes of this day.

And before people jump on me, I've known people who've had to deal with exact situations like this with even closer family members. And guess what? People lived because it's a freaking WEDDING, one very important, cherished day in these two people's lives. Family members who have any level of understanding of what that means know that it's not 100% about themselves or their own needs, and it's certainly not a symbol of the bride or groom's love for THEM.

My best advice to you and your SO is not listen to people here and ask friends who've been in similar situations how they've best handled it. People online are too quick to judge and are generally unable to fully grasp and understand a situation like this. And they won't put in the time to because it's easier to just spew nasty words to people dealing with a tough situation because it makes them feel virtuous.

So glad I didn't use these stupid forums 

*TOS violation edited by moderator. Maire

There are indeed many decisions and considerations that go into hosting a wedding.  First and foremost, all decisions are guided by hospitality and etiquette.  Must you invite anyone and everyone?  Absolutely NOT!  However, anyone invited must be treated with the utmost in hospitality and civility.  Any invited guest is treated the same and must be invited to the ENTIRE event.  

The OP is being called out for rudeness in their attempt to invite a guest to a partial portion of one event.  The reason people ask questions of strangers on public forums is because (in theory) they are seeking honest and objective answers.  You cannot always get such a response from family and friends.  If OP does have friends or family who have done similar things, it is pointless to ask a rude person how to handle a rude situation.

You are correct about one thing.  People online can be quick to judge and spew nasty words.  I appreciate you proving your own point by being the only one here to spew and judge.

The last thing you said is simply not true. But ok.

MyNameIsNot

Please tell me this isn't real.

I know there are some really horrible people in the world, and it's possible. I'm just not ready for this much disgusting on a Monday morning. 

OP, if you are real, you need to do some self reflection here. Why is controlling other people so important to you? Why don't you understand that your cousin is a living, breathing human being? Why are you incapable of empathy? Why do you think your wedding ceremony is so momentous that everyone needs to be "in the moment?" Is this really the kind of person you want to be? Gross. 

downtondiva

It's not really up to you whether your guests are "in the moment" or not.  If guests spend the whole time watching through their phone or miss out because they're scrolling through photos they've already taken, that's not your problem. I assure you that you won't even notice. I know I didn't at my wedding.

As for your cousin, inviting her to the reception but not the ceremony is not fair to her family/caretakers who will have to worry about who will look after her during the ceremony. Also, by doing this you'd basically be saying that the cousin is good enough for one part of your wedding but not another. She may not have the capacity to understand that, but her family will, and that is hurtful to them. 

The one thing that may be okay to address is her hitting people. I'm sure her caretaker has a way of keeping that under control, but if you're concerned about it, then you might want to encourage them to sit near other family who understand cousin's condition and will not be fazed if this behavior comes up. This is more worth addressing than her making noise during the ceremony. 

Bottom line, I think it's best to invite your cousin to the whole event and then let her family/caretaker decide if it's a good idea for her to attend. If they decide to bring her, be gracious and don't let whatever disruptions she causes bother you too much. They won't stop you from being married at the end of the day.

In the meantime, make peace now with the reality that with or without your cousin, your wedding is not going to be 100% perfect, because no wedding is.

ShesSoCold

If OP is THIS worried about potential noises and people simply existing, will SHE really be "in the moment"? 

I gotta admit, I wasn't "in the moment" at my own damn wedding. We were on the 95th floor and there were these huge spiders in the windows. "They're so huge and gross! How did they get there? Shit, what did the officiant just say?"

(can I talk about how much I hate that phrase? "In the moment", my ass. How ridiculous it is for people to think they can tell me what to fucking THINK about? The fuck is this? Why does a wedding need to be this serious?)

MyNameIsNot

ShesSoCold said:

If OP is THIS worried about potential noises and people simply existing, will SHE really be "in the moment"? 

I gotta admit, I wasn't "in the moment" at my own damn wedding. We were on the 95th floor and there were these huge spiders in the windows. "They're so huge and gross! How did they get there? Shit, what did the officiant just say?"

(can I talk about how much I hate that phrase? "In the moment", my ass. How ridiculous it is for people to think they can tell me what to fucking THINK about? The fuck is this? Why does a wedding need to be this serious?)

Right! And also, who cares that much about anyone else's vows to be that concentrated on them? 

But regardless, if you have to stomp your feet and make up rules to get people to pay attention to you, the problem isn't with them. 

climbingsingle

Also, one of the best things is getting photos your guests took, especially during the ceremony. My friends got some shots that my photographer missed. 

ShesSoCold

climbingwife said:

Also, one of the best things is getting photos your guests took, especially during the ceremony. My friends got some shots that my photographer missed. 

Oooooooh good point!! 

One of my favorite things ever - like, run back into a burning building to grab it because it's THAT important - is a picture my MIL took while I was walking down the aisle. The photographer was somewhere else and MIL took a picture of me from the side. My mom is in the background just BEAMING. My MIL blew it up and zoomed in on my mom. She framed it and gave it to me a couple weeks after my wedding, the night of my mom's funeral. Had I been so selfish to not allow her to take that picture, I wouldn't have my favorite moment of the day. I wouldn't have even known that moment existed. I wouldn't have this perfect picture of one of the last happy days I had with her. And that is more important to me than anything else. 

OurWildKingdom

climbingwife said:

Also, one of the best things is getting photos your guests took, especially during the ceremony. My friends got some shots that my photographer missed. 

Our photographer took forever to get our photos to us. Our neighbor and my dad got some photos that he didn’t get, and I was very happy with them.

OP, I really hope it’s just nerves talking and you’re not seriously thinking of excluding your cousin. The important thing about your wedding day is that the two of you are getting married. Get some perspective, or elope if you can’t handle the thought of your guests (gasp!) being human.