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Etiquette

Developmentally Disabled Cousin at Ceremony

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Re: Developmentally Disabled Cousin at Ceremony

  • Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
    https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
    Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

    I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:
    • You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
    • They have a baby
    • You request that the wedding is children-free
    • Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
    • Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?
    We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.
    This is delusional. Leaving aside everything else, people might cough!
    Or sneeze!
    ei34
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    Regarding the cell phones, we're having an Unplugged ceremony. There's a Knot article about this:
    https://www.theknot.com/content/unplugged-wedding-pros-and-cons
    Obviously this can't be enforced, but during the ceremony we want our guests to be in the moment. I've been to multiple weddings over the past few years where this occurred. Post-ceremony, of course, use phones to your delight.

    I also don't think posters here understand the severity of the disablement. The situation is akin to this:
    • You have a good friend/relative/etc. that you'd really like to attend your wedding
    • They have a baby
    • You request that the wedding is children-free
    • Friend/relative/etc. can only attend wedding if they were to bring their baby
    • Do you make an exception, maybe provide a caretaker during the ceremony-portion?
    We don't want children at our ceremony for the same reason we don't want cell phones going off, lawnmowers in the background, car engines revving, people snapping photos, or people coughing incessently. It's a 15-20 minute ceremony where we want everyone attending in the moment.
    This is delusional. Leaving aside everything else, people might cough!
    Or sneeze!
    Well, they better not! They have to be present and be in the moment! 

    ei34STARMOON44
  • OP, a wedding is live theater.   Things go wrong in live theater.  Welcome to reality.

    Also, are you really going to flip your shit if someone has a coughing fit?  You know that's involuntary, right?
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
    OurWildKingdomMairePoppyei34
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP your comparing of a person to other noise is sickening.  It doesn’t get much colder than that.  You should have come here asking us how to make your ceremony more comfortable for her.  

    And I have plenty of moments without my phone where my mind still wanders to something other than the topic at hand.  There are times when I’m “in the moment”- laughing with my kids, using a sharp knife to chop veggies, an intense moment at work.  If I’m not in the moment at a wedding it’s not bc of my phone...I’m checking out other guests’ outfits, the flowers, wondering how the cocktail hour spread will be...it’ll be different for each guest and it’s out of your control. 
    charlotte989875MairePoppyOurWildKingdom
  • This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
    Guess what? In the 80s and 90s before everyone had cell phones, people brought instant cameras to wedding ceremonies and took pictures! They even took point and shoot cameras. Can you imagine!?!? 

    This is not something new. People take pictures during wedding ceremonies. You don't get to dictate to your guests that they be "in the moment". It's rude and tacky. 
    My parents were married in 1983 and my paternal grandmother, may she rest, took an album full of sweet photos that she kept for herself in an album.  She gave some to my parents who are a bit disorganized with photos and didn’t know where they were.  My parents also had a low key wedding, no professional pics.  Years later my grandmother’s album is all they have, they were incredibly touched to find it among her many photos albums when they were going through her things after she passed in late ‘16.  
    My own photographer took awesome photos (in spite of my guests “not being in the moment” and taking their own) but I didn’t get them for several weeks.  All the guest photos were so fun to have to tide me over. Personally, if the couple is worried about where their guests’ thoughts are at during the ceremony, they’re not in the moment either.
    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
    You know what? I was going to ignore this, but I’m going to say what’s on my mind instead. If you’re going to act this way, maybe you’re not mature enough to get married.
    MyNameIsNot
  • This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
    You know what? I was going to ignore this, but I’m going to say what’s on my mind instead. If you’re going to act this way, maybe you’re not mature enough to get married.
    Aw boo hoo, how would you feel to be nervous as it is up there doing your vows to look to the crowd of guests and not even see anybodies faces just a crowd of people holding up their phones like a bunch of zombies. The reception is for taking pictures, it is incredibly rude for somebody to be holding here phone up in the air blocking somebody else view bc they want to post a picture to Instagram. The bride and groom invite you there to be present with them during that moment and actually WITNESS their marriage. It is not an invitation for people to play photo shoot for their own amusement. Everyone is so obsessed with their iphones today they forget to live in the moment. It really obnoxious when you witness a random girl constantly taking selfies during a couples vows (saw it at a wedding I was at last year). But you guys would probably applaud her for that bc it isnt about the bride and groom it is about the guest. I am so sick of this forum coming after the people actually hosting the wedding and simply asking for respect. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited February 20
    This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
    You know what? I was going to ignore this, but I’m going to say what’s on my mind instead. If you’re going to act this way, maybe you’re not mature enough to get married.
    Aw boo hoo, how would you feel to be nervous as it is up there doing your vows to look to the crowd of guests and not even see anybodies faces just a crowd of people holding up their phones like a bunch of zombies. The reception is for taking pictures, it is incredibly rude for somebody to be holding here phone up in the air blocking somebody else view bc they want to post a picture to Instagram. The bride and groom invite you there to be present with them during that moment and actually WITNESS their marriage. It is not an invitation for people to play photo shoot for their own amusement. Everyone is so obsessed with their iphones today they forget to live in the moment. It really obnoxious when you witness a random girl constantly taking selfies during a couples vows (saw it at a wedding I was at last year). But you guys would probably applaud her for that bc it isnt about the bride and groom it is about the guest. I am so sick of this forum coming after the people actually hosting the wedding and simply asking for respect. 
    @OurWildKingdom, even though it was obvious from the get-go, you win the prize tonight.  Anyone that begins a response with, "Aw, boo hoo" , spews like a sailor on other threads, and basically throws a virtual temper tantrum, is clearly not ready for prime time forums, or perhaps, adulthood.

    knottiea80c13881918e885, I am in the mood to play childish games.  Never have I ever attended a wedding and witnessed "a crowd of people holding up phones like a bunch of zombies".  

    Not all of us are trolls or stalkers.  Some of us (gasp) are really old married hags who live miserable lives and have nothing to live for save torturing brides to be.
    ILoveBeachMusicMairePoppy
  • I'm married and guests took photos at my wedding and reception and none of them blocked others.   

    No one thinks it is ok to be rude.   We just don't think it's acceptable to dictate terms to guests.   

    And in all of that tirade it never addresses the fact that many brides LIKE the photos their guests took IN ADDITION to those their professional photographer took.  
    charlotte989875MobKazOurWildKingdomMyNameIsNot
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
    You know what? I was going to ignore this, but I’m going to say what’s on my mind instead. If you’re going to act this way, maybe you’re not mature enough to get married.
    Aw boo hoo, how would you feel to be nervous as it is up there doing your vows to look to the crowd of guests and not even see anybodies faces just a crowd of people holding up their phones like a bunch of zombies. The reception is for taking pictures, it is incredibly rude for somebody to be holding here phone up in the air blocking somebody else view bc they want to post a picture to Instagram. The bride and groom invite you there to be present with them during that moment and actually WITNESS their marriage. It is not an invitation for people to play photo shoot for their own amusement. Everyone is so obsessed with their iphones today they forget to live in the moment. It really obnoxious when you witness a random girl constantly taking selfies during a couples vows (saw it at a wedding I was at last year). But you guys would probably applaud her for that bc it isnt about the bride and groom it is about the guest. I am so sick of this forum coming after the people actually hosting the wedding and simply asking for respect. 

    SITB

    @banana468, I did get carried away in my response.

    OP, I had a horrible day that started out with my faith in humanity being challenged (you’d think I’d be used to it by now, I’ve been at my job for four years) and ended with my only sibling gaslighting me about something ignorant he said on Facebook. I was a little out of line, and I’m sorry.
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    During my ceremony, I had no idea what was going on with my guests. Not once did I look out to the seated guests to see what they were doing. I honesty can't imagine that most brides and grooms are doing this. 

    Even if people are holding up their phones, WHO CARES!?!? It has no bearing on your ceremony. How about YOU be in the moment with your partner, and focus on what your officiant is saying? 

    ei34InLoveInQueensMyNameIsNotCasadena
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    This is a delusional thread. All of you people must be horrible wedding guests! That is right the day is about the guests, you are invited to a wedding to do what ever you please and be rude just bc you feel like it. The bride has every right to ask if people would kindly refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. At my friends wedding it was for the photographer to get a good shot without people holding there phones up in the way or in the background of the shot, so rude! Can't people just be in the moment for 20 minutes and leave the photos to the professionals. You guys must be from lala land if you think it is ok to be taking away from the bride and groom so you can get pictures that come out like shit. 
    You know what? I was going to ignore this, but I’m going to say what’s on my mind instead. If you’re going to act this way, maybe you’re not mature enough to get married.
    This person isn't mature enough for a freaking message board, let alone a marriage. 

    Image result for eyeroll
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    MyNameIsNotCasadena
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