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Etiquette

Fiance Gift Etiquette

aisfora86aisfora86 Philadelphia member
25 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
Hi Everyone! So I'm recently engaged, and am wondering what the etiquette is for purchasing an engagement gift for my FI. I was spending time with FI's sister and she asked what I would be getting him for his engagement present. When I looked confused, she told me that when her bf pops the question, she's going to get him a new watch. Then she jumped into all these stories about gifts her friends have given their SO's after getting engaged, and about how etiquette is to spend at least 50% of what the ring costs on a gift for your FI.

Now, I've been around a while. Most of my friends are married or engaged. In fact, I was engaged before and broke off my engagement a few years ago because he just wasn't my person. I've never heard of a tradition of purchasing an engagement gift, especially one that costs 50% or more of what the ring costs. FI comes from a wealthy family, and I do not, so I definitely would not be able to afford to spend that much without going into credit card debt. 

I like the idea of getting him a gift, and he knows that I can't afford to spend a ton of money (and I know that personally he's not expecting a gift at all). I'm just wondering if this is actually etiquette that I somehow have missed out on all my life. If you did it, what did you get your FI?

Re: Fiance Gift Etiquette

  • aisfora86aisfora86 Philadelphia member
    25 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    STUCK

    I did not get my H an engagement gift. I've heard of them but I don't think anyone I know got their H or FI a gift. 

    Sounds like another way for the wedding industry to get you to buy more personalized engraved crap to me.

    But if you want to get him a gift, do it. It doesn't need to be elaborate and there's NEVER (N-E-V-E-R) a rule about what to spend on a gift, of any kind, ever. 

    The 50 cent Cadbury Cream Eggs I find for H every year are his favorite gifts. It truly is the thought that counts.
    Thank you! Yeah, if I end up doing a gift, I was thinking about maybe doing a picture collage or something to hang on our wall. We just moved into our new house, and don't have enough art on the walls. He loves things like that, and it would cost very little to put together, and would be more meaningful then most things I would purchase.
    short+sassyOurWildKingdomMairePoppySTARMOON44
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    aisfora86 said:
    STUCK

    I did not get my H an engagement gift. I've heard of them but I don't think anyone I know got their H or FI a gift. 

    Sounds like another way for the wedding industry to get you to buy more personalized engraved crap to me.

    But if you want to get him a gift, do it. It doesn't need to be elaborate and there's NEVER (N-E-V-E-R) a rule about what to spend on a gift, of any kind, ever. 

    The 50 cent Cadbury Cream Eggs I find for H every year are his favorite gifts. It truly is the thought that counts.
    Thank you! Yeah, if I end up doing a gift, I was thinking about maybe doing a picture collage or something to hang on our wall. We just moved into our new house, and don't have enough art on the walls. He loves things like that, and it would cost very little to put together, and would be more meaningful then most things I would purchase.
    Oh that's a great idea!!!

    H and I have always talked about taking the photos we've taken on vacations and stuff and blowing them up for our art. Never actually done it, but it's a fun thought! :)
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    charlotte989875aisfora86
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have never heard that of that before. I did not get my H an engagement gift. 

  • banana468 said:
    *I* was DH's engagement gift! 

    No, there's no rule about engagement gifts but I can buy that it's NICE to do something it's not required.

    FWIW, watches are often given as wedding gifts to grooms from what I've seen.   


    I've rarely heard of a couple giving each other engagement gifts, other than an engagement ring(s).

    I've definitely never heard anything about a custom where the engagement gift needs to be half the cost of the ring.  What kind of malarkey is that, lol. 

    I have heard of couples giving each other a wedding gift, though not all do.  Watches seem to be a common groom gift for that.

    I asked my H a couple months before our wedding if we wanted to exchange wedding gifts with each other.  We generally don't exchange presents, even for gift-giving type holidays.  I was assuming he was going to say no, but he surprised me when he said something like, "Actually, yes, I would like to exchange presents.  Is that okay with you (it was)?"  He then told me he'd been thinking about getting a watch for awhile and would love that for a gift.

    I told him that sounded great and tried to get an idea of what he'd like.  But then he said, "Wait, no. Not yet.  I'll buy a cheap watch first, because I want to see if I'll even like wearing one."  As it so happened, I had a pair of men's and ladies watches that had been a gift from Harrah's Casino.  I gave him the men's watch and told him to let me know.

    He didn't last a day with it, lol.  He decided, nope!, it would drive him nuts to wear a watch.  We then decided not to exchange wedding gifts, which had been a little more my preference anyway.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've never heard of this. It's not a common tradition, and certainly not an etiquette requirement to spend any amount of money!

    I love the idea of doing picture collages for your home. If you're doing e-pics, you could also blow up a few of them in nice frames for around the house. 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I didn’t get my FI an engagement gift and I’ve never heard that rule before. If anything I bought some new lingerie and called it a day. 


    image
    charlotte989875nightnerd
  • That 50% of the ring cost "rule" sounds just as ridiculous as the 3 months salary "rule".

    It sounds like a modern ~wedding culture~ "rule" that's been made up to sell more stuff, honestly. If you want to get a gift, get a gift. But don't think you're breaking any kind of known etiquette rules if you don't. 
    aisfora86banana468ei34MesmrEwe
  • aisfora86aisfora86 Philadelphia member
    25 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks everyone! This is definitely a relief. I thought maybe I'd been living under a rock for the past 32 years and somehow missed this! Definitely sticking to my collage idea. This has definitely helped to put my mind at ease though!
    ei34redwoodoriginalcharlotte989875nightnerd
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It’s new to me too!  The collage sounds lovely :) 
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    aisfora86 said:
    STUCK

    I did not get my H an engagement gift. I've heard of them but I don't think anyone I know got their H or FI a gift. 

    Sounds like another way for the wedding industry to get you to buy more personalized engraved crap to me.

    But if you want to get him a gift, do it. It doesn't need to be elaborate and there's NEVER (N-E-V-E-R) a rule about what to spend on a gift, of any kind, ever. 

    The 50 cent Cadbury Cream Eggs I find for H every year are his favorite gifts. It truly is the thought that counts.
    Thank you! Yeah, if I end up doing a gift, I was thinking about maybe doing a picture collage or something to hang on our wall. We just moved into our new house, and don't have enough art on the walls. He loves things like that, and it would cost very little to put together, and would be more meaningful then most things I would purchase.
    This is a lovely idea. Go for it!
  • The PP have covered it - big NOPE! not a "thing" to get your FI something as an engagement present.  DH & I did exchange a gift to eachother between our rehearsal and RD (I got him a tie tack and cuff links, he got me a simple pearl necklace), and I purchased his ring (we went together and he picked it out, didn't go overboard and would have been fine with not even getting one himself)...  
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  • Add me to the "never heard of this" clan. 
    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • I've never heard of getting an engagement gift for your FI either, but your photo collage sounds like a really sweet idea.

    I got my (now H) a beejay. :D
    Same. 
    sparklepants41Jen4948
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I've never heard of getting an engagement gift for your FI either, but your photo collage sounds like a really sweet idea.

    I got my (now H) a beejay. :D
    Same. 
    Cosigned.
    sparklepants41
  • I didn't think this was a widespread tradition, but I actually think it's kind of a nice idea, if by no means necessary. My boyfriend and I aren't obsessed with getting the government involved in our relationship; however, if we do decide to get married and he gives me an engagement ring, I know I would like to return the favor and get him something special too!

    As with any gift, it should be meaningful and individualized, regardless of how much or little you spend. I would shy away from watches, etc., unless you know that's what he would like. For BF, I would probably splurge on something extravagant and musical. The man can teach himself just about any instrument, but being a leftie, he gets discouraged sometimes by the lack of user-friendly instruments. It would be so fun to surprise him with a really nice left-hand guitar or something! (He's got a milestone birthday coming up, so who knows, maybe he won't even have to propose, lol.)
    OurWildKingdom
  • I got my FI a new gaming system after we got engaged. He was over the moon and wasn't expecting it at all. He uses it constantly and I know he appreciated the gesture. 
    nightnerd
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