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Wedding Etiquette Forum
aisfora86
member
Fiance Gift Etiquette
aisfora86
member
Hi Everyone! So I'm recently engaged, and am wondering what the etiquette is for purchasing an engagement gift for my FI. I was spending time with FI's sister and she asked what I would be getting him for his engagement present. When I looked confused, she told me that when her bf pops the question, she's going to get him a new watch. Then she jumped into all these stories about gifts her friends have given their SO's after getting engaged, and about how etiquette is to spend at least 50% of what the ring costs on a gift for your FI.
Now, I've been around a while. Most of my friends are married or engaged. In fact, I was engaged before and broke off my engagement a few years ago because he just wasn't my person. I've never heard of a tradition of purchasing an engagement gift, especially one that costs 50% or more of what the ring costs. FI comes from a wealthy family, and I do not, so I definitely would not be able to afford to spend that much without going into credit card debt.
I like the idea of getting him a gift, and he knows that I can't afford to spend a ton of money (and I know that personally he's not expecting a gift at all). I'm just wondering if this is actually etiquette that I somehow have missed out on all my life. If you did it, what did you get your FI?
Now, I've been around a while. Most of my friends are married or engaged. In fact, I was engaged before and broke off my engagement a few years ago because he just wasn't my person. I've never heard of a tradition of purchasing an engagement gift, especially one that costs 50% or more of what the ring costs. FI comes from a wealthy family, and I do not, so I definitely would not be able to afford to spend that much without going into credit card debt.
I like the idea of getting him a gift, and he knows that I can't afford to spend a ton of money (and I know that personally he's not expecting a gift at all). I'm just wondering if this is actually etiquette that I somehow have missed out on all my life. If you did it, what did you get your FI?
Re: Fiance Gift Etiquette
No, there's no rule about engagement gifts but I can buy that it's NICE to do something it's not required.
FWIW, watches are often given as wedding gifts to grooms from what I've seen.
H and I have always talked about taking the photos we've taken on vacations and stuff and blowing them up for our art. Never actually done it, but it's a fun thought!
I've rarely heard of a couple giving each other engagement gifts, other than an engagement ring(s).
I've definitely never heard anything about a custom where the engagement gift needs to be half the cost of the ring. What kind of malarkey is that, lol.
I have heard of couples giving each other a wedding gift, though not all do. Watches seem to be a common groom gift for that.
I asked my H a couple months before our wedding if we wanted to exchange wedding gifts with each other. We generally don't exchange presents, even for gift-giving type holidays. I was assuming he was going to say no, but he surprised me when he said something like, "Actually, yes, I would like to exchange presents. Is that okay with you (it was)?" He then told me he'd been thinking about getting a watch for awhile and would love that for a gift.
I told him that sounded great and tried to get an idea of what he'd like. But then he said, "Wait, no. Not yet. I'll buy a cheap watch first, because I want to see if I'll even like wearing one." As it so happened, I had a pair of men's and ladies watches that had been a gift from Harrah's Casino. I gave him the men's watch and told him to let me know.
He didn't last a day with it, lol. He decided, nope!, it would drive him nuts to wear a watch. We then decided not to exchange wedding gifts, which had been a little more my preference anyway.
I love the idea of doing picture collages for your home. If you're doing e-pics, you could also blow up a few of them in nice frames for around the house.
It sounds like a modern ~wedding culture~ "rule" that's been made up to sell more stuff, honestly. If you want to get a gift, get a gift. But don't think you're breaking any kind of known etiquette rules if you don't.
I got my (now H) a beejay.
As with any gift, it should be meaningful and individualized, regardless of how much or little you spend. I would shy away from watches, etc., unless you know that's what he would like. For BF, I would probably splurge on something extravagant and musical. The man can teach himself just about any instrument, but being a leftie, he gets discouraged sometimes by the lack of user-friendly instruments. It would be so fun to surprise him with a really nice left-hand guitar or something! (He's got a milestone birthday coming up, so who knows, maybe he won't even have to propose, lol.)