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Etiquette

Don't know what to do!

From the beginning, our guest list max has been 65 people. We originally wanted only 50. We CANNOT invite more due to financial constraints--I refuse to go over our budget. We want small, intimate, and simple and I have a really large family that's taking up most of the spots. I have some coworkers that keep hinting at the fact that they expect to be invited. I am not close with them. They don't know my fiance. I like them, but I can't invite them. I also work with these people and don't want there to be tension. I despise conflict/it makes me very anxious.

Should I be blunt and tell them that due to finances, we are only inviting family and a few close friends but we plan on having a house warming party after the honeymoon (which is all 100% true)? 

I am kind of angry that I even feel like I have to explain myself to these people. We're not close; why do they care if they're invited or not??  :neutral: 

Re: Don't know what to do!

  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Another person agreeing with the advise to say that you're having a small wedding with just family and close friends. My wedding was exactly as how you are planning - we invited 65 and we ended up with about 54 - all family and very close friends and that's what we communicated to anyone who asked about our plans, how many people we were inviting, etc. 
    ei34nightnerdOurWildKingdom
  • What everyone else said, and I also want to highlight what @MyNameIsNot said: NO wedding talk at work. I know this will be hard, because when you're planning a wedding, the wedding is all consuming, but if you can talk about anything else, do it and their interest will die down.
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassyMyNameIsNot
  • I agree, just tell them you are having a small wedding with close family and friends only. Don't get into your reasons - you don't owe your coworkers an explanation, and giving them one may just give you more trouble. 


    image
    knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited March 17
    I would not even mention that the wedding is small or limited to family and friends.

    I'd just say, "Unfortunately, we are not able to accommodate everyone we would have liked at our wedding, so invitations have been limited accordingly. I'm sorry for any confusion or inconvenience."
    knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c
  • Thanks for the advice, all. I haven't talked about it at work unless specifically asked a question and even then I've been very vague. I definitely have said SEVERAL times to these people "We're having a very small wedding with just family and a few friends," and still have been getting the hints. Which is why I am baffled at the fact that my point hasn't been taken by now.
    short+sassy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Thanks for the advice, all. I haven't talked about it at work unless specifically asked a question and even then I've been very vague. I definitely have said SEVERAL times to these people "We're having a very small wedding with just family and a few friends," and still have been getting the hints. Which is why I am baffled at the fact that my point hasn't been taken by now.
    Some people are just rude.  I didn’t have a small wedding but still didn’t invite my coworkers at the time. I didn’t talk about my wedding (although like you, I answered vaguely if someone asked.) Just lather, rinse, repeat...good luck! 
    short+sassySTARMOON44charlotte989875
  • eileenrob said:
    Thanks for the advice, all. I haven't talked about it at work unless specifically asked a question and even then I've been very vague. I definitely have said SEVERAL times to these people "We're having a very small wedding with just family and a few friends," and still have been getting the hints. Which is why I am baffled at the fact that my point hasn't been taken by now.
    Some people are just rude.  I didn’t have a small wedding but still didn’t invite my coworkers at the time. I didn’t talk about my wedding (although like you, I answered vaguely if someone asked.) Just lather, rinse, repeat...good luck! 
    OP, sounds like you've been handling it perfectly.  Weddings sometimes can be the type of big event that coworkers get invited to, even if they don't socialize with that person outside of work.  Add that to some people being naturally FOMO and that's where some of this invite angling might be coming from.

    As PPs have mentioned, there is no need to tell coworkers they aren't invited, unless they go past strong hints and specifically ask.  @Jen4948 has good wording, in case that happens. 

    I doubt there will be tension in your workplace from this.  So stay the course and try not to let it stress you out.  It seems like the kind of thing where a few people might be "hopeful" they'll be invited, but not resentful if they don't.  Especially since it sounds like you aren't inviting anyone from there. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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