Don't know what to do!

knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c · March 2019

From the beginning, our guest list max has been 65 people. We originally wanted only 50. We CANNOT invite more due to financial constraints--I refuse to go over our budget. We want small, intimate, and simple and I have a really large family that's taking up most of the spots. I have some coworkers that keep hinting at the fact that they expect to be invited. I am not close with them. They don't know my fiance. I like them, but I can't invite them. I also work with these people and don't want there to be tension. I despise conflict/it makes me very anxious.

Should I be blunt and tell them that due to finances, we are only inviting family and a few close friends but we plan on having a house warming party after the honeymoon (which is all 100% true)?

I am kind of angry that I even feel like I have to explain myself to these people. We're not close; why do they care if they're invited or not??

ShesSoCold · March 2019

knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c said:

From the beginning, our guest list max has been 65 people. We originally wanted only 50. We CANNOT invite more due to financial constraints--I refuse to go over our budget. We want small, intimate, and simple and I have a really large family that's taking up most of the spots. I have some coworkers that keep hinting at the fact that they expect to be invited. I am not close with them. They don't know my fiance. I like them, but I can't invite them. I also work with these people and don't want there to be tension. I despise conflict/it makes me very anxious.

Should I be blunt and tell them that due to finances, we are only inviting family and a few close friends but we plan on having a house warming party after the honeymoon (which is all 100% true)?

I am kind of angry that I even feel like I have to explain myself to these people. We're not close; why do they care if they're invited or not??

"We're having a small wedding with only family and a few close friends."

I wouldn't say anything about your reasons why or offer a consolation prize. The other party is a totally separate event and I'd keep 'em that way.

MyNameIsNot · March 2019

knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c said:

From the beginning, our guest list max has been 65 people. We originally wanted only 50. We CANNOT invite more due to financial constraints--I refuse to go over our budget. We want small, intimate, and simple and I have a really large family that's taking up most of the spots. I have some coworkers that keep hinting at the fact that they expect to be invited. I am not close with them. They don't know my fiance. I like them, but I can't invite them. I also work with these people and don't want there to be tension. I despise conflict/it makes me very anxious.

Should I be blunt and tell them that due to finances, we are only inviting family and a few close friends but we plan on having a house warming party after the honeymoon (which is all 100% true)?

I am kind of angry that I even feel like I have to explain myself to these people. We're not close; why do they care if they're invited or not??

No, don't explain to them why they aren't invited. Frankly, your budget and guest list is none of their business. If you aren't close with them, they shouldn't expect to be invited even if you were inviting 300 people.

From here, I would avoid all wedding talk at work. If someone is rude enough to blatantly ask if they are invited, I would go with "we're keeping it to family and good friends only." But otherwise, I would ignore hints.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you really hang out with them outside of work. I wouldn't invite someone in that category to a housewarming either. But if you are going to invite them to that, don't present it as a consolation prize for those that didn't make the wedding cut. That's a separate party for a separate occasion, not related to the wedding.

climbingsingle · March 2019

Agree with "we're having a very small wedding with just family and close friends". And then don't discuss anything about your wedding at work. If they bring it up, change the subject.

I didn't invite any of my coworkers to my wedding.

cupcait927 · March 2019

Another person agreeing with the advise to say that you're having a small wedding with just family and close friends. My wedding was exactly as how you are planning - we invited 65 and we ended up with about 54 - all family and very close friends and that's what we communicated to anyone who asked about our plans, how many people we were inviting, etc.

maine7mob · March 2019

What everyone else said, and I also want to highlight what @MyNameIsNot said: NO wedding talk at work. I know this will be hard, because when you're planning a wedding, the wedding is all consuming, but if you can talk about anything else, do it and their interest will die down.

downtondiva · March 2019

I agree, just tell them you are having a small wedding with close family and friends only. Don't get into your reasons - you don't owe your coworkers an explanation, and giving them one may just give you more trouble.

Jen4948 · March 2019

I would not even mention that the wedding is small or limited to family and friends.

I'd just say, "Unfortunately, we are not able to accommodate everyone we would have liked at our wedding, so invitations have been limited accordingly. I'm sorry for any confusion or inconvenience."

knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c · March 2019

Thanks for the advice, all. I haven't talked about it at work unless specifically asked a question and even then I've been very vague. I definitely have said SEVERAL times to these people "We're having a very small wedding with just family and a few friends," and still have been getting the hints. Which is why I am baffled at the fact that my point hasn't been taken by now.

ei34 · March 2019

knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c said:

Thanks for the advice, all. I haven't talked about it at work unless specifically asked a question and even then I've been very vague. I definitely have said SEVERAL times to these people "We're having a very small wedding with just family and a few friends," and still have been getting the hints. Which is why I am baffled at the fact that my point hasn't been taken by now.

Some people are just rude. I didn’t have a small wedding but still didn’t invite my coworkers at the time. I didn’t talk about my wedding (although like you, I answered vaguely if someone asked.) Just lather, rinse, repeat...good luck!

short+sassy · March 2019

eileenrob said:

knottie52a0e50e464f8a9c said:

Thanks for the advice, all. I haven't talked about it at work unless specifically asked a question and even then I've been very vague. I definitely have said SEVERAL times to these people "We're having a very small wedding with just family and a few friends," and still have been getting the hints. Which is why I am baffled at the fact that my point hasn't been taken by now.

Some people are just rude. I didn’t have a small wedding but still didn’t invite my coworkers at the time. I didn’t talk about my wedding (although like you, I answered vaguely if someone asked.) Just lather, rinse, repeat...good luck!

OP, sounds like you've been handling it perfectly. Weddings sometimes can be the type of big event that coworkers get invited to, even if they don't socialize with that person outside of work. Add that to some people being naturally FOMO and that's where some of this invite angling might be coming from.

As PPs have mentioned, there is no need to tell coworkers they aren't invited, unless they go past strong hints and specifically ask. @Jen4948 has good wording, in case that happens.

I doubt there will be tension in your workplace from this. So stay the course and try not to let it stress you out. It seems like the kind of thing where a few people might be "hopeful" they'll be invited, but not resentful if they don't. Especially since it sounds like you aren't inviting anyone from there.

Don't know what to do!

Re: Don't know what to do!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards