• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Post-Elopement Celebration & Gifts

edited November 24 in Etiquette
My fiance and I are eloping in February and throwing a party a month later for our close family and friends. We will have a band, drinks and appetizers. Is it inappropriate to register for our honeymoon, essentially cash - or to have a card box at our party? 

Re: Post-Elopement Celebration & Gifts

  • My fiance and I are eloping in February and throwing a party a month later for our close family and friends. We will have a band, drinks and appetizers. Is it inappropriate to register for our honeymoon, essentially cash - or to have a card box at our party? 
    Yes, it would be inappropriate.
    MyNameIsNotshort+sassyMesmrEwe
  • Yes, it's inappropriate. 
    image
    short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Entirely inappropriate! 
    short+sassy
  • Never, ever insult your guests by "registering" for cash. Only an idiot wouldn't know that newlyweds need it. Some people will give it as a gift if they are invited to the wedding. In your case, some might give it or another gift after the fact, but you should in no way expect this. On a practical note, have a discreet place to stash any gifts at your party, but don't put out a table or box.
  • Just have a family member help you stash any gifts people bring somewhere out of sight. You don't want your guests who don't bring anything to feel bad. But I suspect most people will bring at least a card.
    short+sassyMesmrEwe
  • maine7mob said:
    Never, ever insult your guests by "registering" for cash. Only an idiot wouldn't know that newlyweds need it. Some people will give it as a gift if they are invited to the wedding. In your case, some might give it or another gift after the fact, but you should in no way expect this. On a practical note, have a discreet place to stash any gifts at your party, but don't put out a table or box.
    I sort of disagree with this depending on where things are going.   They shouldn't solicit gifts but people want to know where to put gifts quickly and efficiently and safely.    A table to the side or a box for cards if they are unlabeled and do not say "gifts here" is discreet.
    MesmrEwe
  • I still find having a party - with a band even - after you elope to be so weird. Just have a wedding with your friends and family in the first place!!!
    MyNameIsNotMobKazCasadena
  • @banana468, that's kind of what I was thinking. A place to receive gifts, but not in public view. No obvious table or box with a slit in the top, just a place where they could be stashed and a trusted person to keep an eye out, because she will likely receive some gifts/envelopes.
  • maine7mob said:
    @banana468, that's kind of what I was thinking. A place to receive gifts, but not in public view. No obvious table or box with a slit in the top, just a place where they could be stashed and a trusted person to keep an eye out, because she will likely receive some gifts/envelopes.
    When we were married we had a table that was in the room and it was off to the side.   It allowed the area to be public so people could put items on it but it wasn't the center of attention like a cake or the dance floor.   Even if something like this was in a corner that could work.   The important part IMO is that it's actually in the main area with people so theft is less likely to occur.   (FYI - a friend told me the story that when her mom was married the first time the venue stole all her cards.  Since then I've been pro - cards in main room so if someone walks off with them it's visible.) 
    MesmrEwe
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yes. Very inappropriate.
  • I still find having a party - with a band even - after you elope to be so weird. Just have a wedding with your friends and family in the first place!!!
    To each their own. We love our family and friends, but are very private when it comes to our relationship and prefer to share that moment just between the two of us, not in front of an audience. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I still find having a party - with a band even - after you elope to be so weird. Just have a wedding with your friends and family in the first place!!!
    To each their own. We love our family and friends, but are very private when it comes to our relationship and prefer to share that moment just between the two of us, not in front of an audience. 
    But you are not so private when it comes to asking for (essentially) cash, or asking those same people to celebrate that relationship?  Honestly, I think when you choose your wedding style, you also make choices regarding the events before and after it.  An elopement is private and secretive for a reason.  I agree it seems counterproductive to have a showy event following it.
    MyNameIsNotCasadena
  • MobKaz said:
    I still find having a party - with a band even - after you elope to be so weird. Just have a wedding with your friends and family in the first place!!!
    To each their own. We love our family and friends, but are very private when it comes to our relationship and prefer to share that moment just between the two of us, not in front of an audience. 
    But you are not so private when it comes to asking for (essentially) cash, or asking those same people to celebrate that relationship?  Honestly, I think when you choose your wedding style, you also make choices regarding the events before and after it.  An elopement is private and secretive for a reason.  I agree it seems counterproductive to have a showy event following it.
    We aren't asking for anything. We're paying for everything ourselves. My only thought for registering or having a card box was because I know there will be people who want to give us something, which we AREN'T DOING per my message above. If people insist, so be it. Our party is really informal and costing us hardly anything. My opposition to the whole wedding thing is the discomfort I feel with everyone staring at me while I share my vows, while I have my first dance, while I cut the cake. My fiance and I just really don't love the attention. The thought behind the party is that we want people to feel like they can celebrate with us if they want, but there is no obligation to come because they won't be seeing us wed - if that's important to them. It's at a bar and there will be appetizers and some drinks provided, with a band that was partially booked by us and partially booked by the venue since we are only renting out a part of it. It's extremely casual and not "showy". I've been to 3 post-elopement parties this year alone and I personally think it's great and everyone is allowed to do what feels comfortable to them. None of this is for us to get something out of it beside being around the people we love and sharing our love in the way that is most comfortable to us. Just because someone asks a simple question on this forum doesn't make them an indecent human. Yikes, grace would be great.
    maine7mob
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MobKaz said:
    I still find having a party - with a band even - after you elope to be so weird. Just have a wedding with your friends and family in the first place!!!
    To each their own. We love our family and friends, but are very private when it comes to our relationship and prefer to share that moment just between the two of us, not in front of an audience. 
    But you are not so private when it comes to asking for (essentially) cash, or asking those same people to celebrate that relationship?  Honestly, I think when you choose your wedding style, you also make choices regarding the events before and after it.  An elopement is private and secretive for a reason.  I agree it seems counterproductive to have a showy event following it.
    We aren't asking for anything. We're paying for everything ourselves. My only thought for registering or having a card box was because I know there will be people who want to give us something, which we AREN'T DOING per my message above. If people insist, so be it. Our party is really informal and costing us hardly anything. My opposition to the whole wedding thing is the discomfort I feel with everyone staring at me while I share my vows, while I have my first dance, while I cut the cake. My fiance and I just really don't love the attention. The thought behind the party is that we want people to feel like they can celebrate with us if they want, but there is no obligation to come because they won't be seeing us wed - if that's important to them. It's at a bar and there will be appetizers and some drinks provided, with a band that was partially booked by us and partially booked by the venue since we are only renting out a part of it. It's extremely casual and not "showy". I've been to 3 post-elopement parties this year alone and I personally think it's great and everyone is allowed to do what feels comfortable to them. None of this is for us to get something out of it beside being around the people we love and sharing our love in the way that is most comfortable to us. Just because someone asks a simple question on this forum doesn't make them an indecent human. Yikes, grace would be great.
    Your primary question was regarding a registry.  A registry is telling/asking for things you want.  Even worse, it is never appropriate to ask for cash, whether you elope or host a black tie affair. 
    I personally cannot wrap my head around hosting wedding events for an elopement.  Wedding events are for those who attend the wedding.  Hosting a party in your own honor is about as attention seeking as it gets, in my opinion.  Just because someone else did something does not make it right.  I made no commentary on your character.  I simply find an elopement and after party to be contradictory.
    Casadenaclimbingwife
  • banana468 said:
    maine7mob said:
    @banana468, that's kind of what I was thinking. A place to receive gifts, but not in public view. No obvious table or box with a slit in the top, just a place where they could be stashed and a trusted person to keep an eye out, because she will likely receive some gifts/envelopes.
    When we were married we had a table that was in the room and it was off to the side.   It allowed the area to be public so people could put items on it but it wasn't the center of attention like a cake or the dance floor.   Even if something like this was in a corner that could work.   The important part IMO is that it's actually in the main area with people so theft is less likely to occur.   (FYI - a friend told me the story that when her mom was married the first time the venue stole all her cards.  Since then I've been pro - cards in main room so if someone walks off with them it's visible.) 
    We actually had a local knottie years ago that some aunt asked about something they'd given to find out that a number of gifts were stolen.  This is the kicker of it being discreet, It's the balancing act of the celebration as there are people who will still insist on getting you a card/gift.  It is for those people that a small registry that no one knows about at a place like Target, Amazon, or BB&B is a good idea (those that will look for one can find it without asking).  The honeymoon funds are just a HORRIBLE idea because on top of what everyone else has said, the company makes their money by taking a % off the top plus processing fees.  Those who will give you a cash gift would rather do that than a "fund an experience" that only gives the couple 80-90% tops...  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • OP, I think it's fine to to have a party celebrating your marriage. People used to do this years ago, when they had had a small wedding and still wanted their friends and neighbors to come and visit after the fact. The key is not to make it a wedding reception. That's why a registry would be a bad idea. But of course some of your friends will want to bring you gifts.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    maine7mob said:
    OP, I think it's fine to to have a party celebrating your marriage. People used to do this years ago, when they had had a small wedding and still wanted their friends and neighbors to come and visit after the fact. The key is not to make it a wedding reception. That's why a registry would be a bad idea. But of course some of your friends will want to bring you gifts.
    Years ago, if people eloped it was because they had something to hide. Usually it was that they were pregnant or the families didn't approve. There wouldn't be a celebration after an elopement. 

    I don't have a problem with a party after a private ceremony, but it's certainly a modern invention. 
  • I think the meaning of the word elopement has changed. It used to mean you just ran off to Gretna Green (if you were in England) or wherever and got hitched without telling anyone. Now, people seem to use the word to describe a very small, but very planned ceremony. Myself, I just call the latter a tiny wedding. If it's planned, it's not really an elopement. I know a few couples who had tiny weddings because someone was being deployed or because someone's family member was ill or dying. Later on, they had a big bash celebrating with their friends. I think this is fine as long as you're not gift grabby.

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards