Registering and Gifts

Gifts for My Sister

My sister got married on Friday at a court house. Over the past few weeks she has treated everyone in my family horribly. She has told us she hates us and wants nothing to do with us ever again. She deleted everyone on Facebook except for my husband. She didn't even tell us she got engaged and my mom found out from a friend of hers because my sister posted it on Facebook and my mom's friend messaged her telling her that my sister was engaged. She also accused our parents of favoritism and child abuse. She feels she was abused as a child because she was grounded. She happened to be grounded more than my brother or me which is why she thinks they favor us. She seems to forget that she behaved worse than either of us. A few days prior to the wedding, she messaged my mom demanding money in cash because they parents bought my wedding dress. My brother also works for my parents so all of the money he was paid by them while he was working went towards the wedding, but she feels she is entitled to that same amount of money in cash as well. My parents had previously made payments towards her first wedding, but she ended up cancelling that wedding. She was refunded some of the money our parents paid, but she kept it. They offered to buy her a wedding dress, but since she was getting married at the court house she didn't want/need a wedding dress. She just wanted them to give her thousands of dollars in cash because she feels she is entitled to it. My parents said no to handing over a lump sum of cash because they don't trust her or her husband to spend it wisely because they both have a history of drug abuse. After my parents said no, my sister called them about every name under the sun. As of this morning, she texted my grandmother telling her they are now accepting wedding presents. After everything she has said and done, we don't feel she should be expecting anything from any of us. Do you think we are wrong or how would you handle this?

Re: Gifts for My Sister

  • If your sister has told you that she hates you and wants nothing more to do with you, I think you should honor her request.
  • maine7mob said:
    If your sister has told you that she hates you and wants nothing more to do with you, I think you should honor her request.
    We have ceased communication with her. If she wants to talk to us, she knows how to reach us. Since saying she hates us, she messaged us telling us she is accepting wedding presents now. 
  • If she verbally abuses you and says she that she hates you and wants nothing to do with you, that means she doesn't get gifts from you. The End.
    image
    ILoveBeachMusic
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If she verbally abuses you and says she that she hates you and wants nothing to do with you, that means she doesn't get gifts from you. The End.
    This. And don't engage with her. Don't even reply. 

  • In addition to all the good reasons PPs mentioned above.  Wedding presents are a choice people make to give.  And it is even more presumptuous to expect them from people who were not even invited to the wedding.

    But I don't need to tell you your sister is being outrageous and rude AF to try and drum up presents.  That would be awful for anyone to do.

    TBH, I suspect she'd be unhappy and wouldn't think it's "enough", no matter what you, your all's parents and other family members gave her.  I know it is easier said than done, but I would no longer be concerned with her feelings and absurd expectations.  Unfortunately, she hasn't shown much concern for anyone else's feelings.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My sister got married on Friday at a court house. Over the past few weeks she has treated everyone in my family horribly. She has told us she hates us and wants nothing to do with us ever again. She deleted everyone on Facebook except for my husband. She didn't even tell us she got engaged and my mom found out from a friend of hers because my sister posted it on Facebook and my mom's friend messaged her telling her that my sister was engaged. She also accused our parents of favoritism and child abuse. She feels she was abused as a child because she was grounded. She happened to be grounded more than my brother or me which is why she thinks they favor us. She seems to forget that she behaved worse than either of us. A few days prior to the wedding, she messaged my mom demanding money in cash because they parents bought my wedding dress. My brother also works for my parents so all of the money he was paid by them while he was working went towards the wedding, but she feels she is entitled to that same amount of money in cash as well. My parents had previously made payments towards her first wedding, but she ended up cancelling that wedding. She was refunded some of the money our parents paid, but she kept it. They offered to buy her a wedding dress, but since she was getting married at the court house she didn't want/need a wedding dress. She just wanted them to give her thousands of dollars in cash because she feels she is entitled to it. My parents said no to handing over a lump sum of cash because they don't trust her or her husband to spend it wisely because they both have a history of drug abuse. After my parents said no, my sister called them about every name under the sun. As of this morning, she texted my grandmother telling her they are now accepting wedding presents. After everything she has said and done, we don't feel she should be expecting anything from any of us. Do you think we are wrong or how would you handle this?
    I agree with PP that you don't owe her anything. 

    But aside from that, I want to say that you can't manage anyone else's relationship with your sister, only your own. It sounds like most of the communications have been toward or with your parents. You've already decided to cut her off, which seems healthy at this point.

    I caution you not to put the emotional labor into her relationship with your parents. They need to manage that for themselves, and make their own decisions. If they decide to maintain some sort of relationship or even give her something, it doesn't really matter whether she deserves it. That's really up to them, and shouldn't have any bearing on the validity of your choice to cut her off. 
    charlotte989875ILoveBeachMusic
  • edited December 2019
    My sister got married on Friday at a court house. Over the past few weeks she has treated everyone in my family horribly. She has told us she hates us and wants nothing to do with us ever again. She deleted everyone on Facebook except for my husband. She didn't even tell us she got engaged and my mom found out from a friend of hers because my sister posted it on Facebook and my mom's friend messaged her telling her that my sister was engaged. She also accused our parents of favoritism and child abuse. She feels she was abused as a child because she was grounded. She happened to be grounded more than my brother or me which is why she thinks they favor us. She seems to forget that she behaved worse than either of us. A few days prior to the wedding, she messaged my mom demanding money in cash because they parents bought my wedding dress. My brother also works for my parents so all of the money he was paid by them while he was working went towards the wedding, but she feels she is entitled to that same amount of money in cash as well. My parents had previously made payments towards her first wedding, but she ended up cancelling that wedding. She was refunded some of the money our parents paid, but she kept it. They offered to buy her a wedding dress, but since she was getting married at the court house she didn't want/need a wedding dress. She just wanted them to give her thousands of dollars in cash because she feels she is entitled to it. My parents said no to handing over a lump sum of cash because they don't trust her or her husband to spend it wisely because they both have a history of drug abuse. After my parents said no, my sister called them about every name under the sun. As of this morning, she texted my grandmother telling her they are now accepting wedding presents. After everything she has said and done, we don't feel she should be expecting anything from any of us. Do you think we are wrong or how would you handle this?
    I agree with PP that you don't owe her anything. 

    But aside from that, I want to say that you can't manage anyone else's relationship with your sister, only your own. It sounds like most of the communications have been toward or with your parents. You've already decided to cut her off, which seems healthy at this point.

    I caution you not to put the emotional labor into her relationship with your parents. They need to manage that for themselves, and make their own decisions. If they decide to maintain some sort of relationship or even give her something, it doesn't really matter whether she deserves it. That's really up to them, and shouldn't have any bearing on the validity of your choice to cut her off. 
    Most of the communication has been with my parents. However, she deleted everyone except for my husband on Facebook because she was mad at my parents. I hadn't talked to her in weeks when she deleted me. After I found out she deleted me, I reached out to her to see why she deleted me. She told me she was done with all us. She then proceeded to message me on Facebook messenger a few days later (even though we are no longer Facebook friends) wanting to know what gifts we bought her husband for Christmas. She also messaged my brother at the same time asking him to come to her house on Black Friday to watch her now step-son. She wanted him to leave his wife sitting at home and come watch the child. When my brother refused she yelled at him for being selfish and all sorts of things. 
  • In addition to all the good reasons PPs mentioned above.  Wedding presents are a choice people make to give.  And it is even more presumptuous to expect them from people who were not even invited to the wedding.

    But I don't need to tell you your sister is being outrageous and rude AF to try and drum up presents.  That would be awful for anyone to do.

    TBH, I suspect she'd be unhappy and wouldn't think it's "enough", no matter what you, your all's parents and other family members gave her.  I know it is easier said than done, but I would no longer be concerned with her feelings and absurd expectations.  Unfortunately, she hasn't shown much concern for anyone else's feelings.
    I just find it funny that she expects us to buy her presents, but she didn't give my brother or I so much as a card for either of our weddings and she was in both of our weddings. I don't know how she thinks she deserves a present for a wedding we weren't invited to. The only person getting a present on her wedding day is my husband because it is his birthday. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    My sister got married on Friday at a court house. Over the past few weeks she has treated everyone in my family horribly. She has told us she hates us and wants nothing to do with us ever again. She deleted everyone on Facebook except for my husband. She didn't even tell us she got engaged and my mom found out from a friend of hers because my sister posted it on Facebook and my mom's friend messaged her telling her that my sister was engaged. She also accused our parents of favoritism and child abuse. She feels she was abused as a child because she was grounded. She happened to be grounded more than my brother or me which is why she thinks they favor us. She seems to forget that she behaved worse than either of us. A few days prior to the wedding, she messaged my mom demanding money in cash because they parents bought my wedding dress. My brother also works for my parents so all of the money he was paid by them while he was working went towards the wedding, but she feels she is entitled to that same amount of money in cash as well. My parents had previously made payments towards her first wedding, but she ended up cancelling that wedding. She was refunded some of the money our parents paid, but she kept it. They offered to buy her a wedding dress, but since she was getting married at the court house she didn't want/need a wedding dress. She just wanted them to give her thousands of dollars in cash because she feels she is entitled to it. My parents said no to handing over a lump sum of cash because they don't trust her or her husband to spend it wisely because they both have a history of drug abuse. After my parents said no, my sister called them about every name under the sun. As of this morning, she texted my grandmother telling her they are now accepting wedding presents. After everything she has said and done, we don't feel she should be expecting anything from any of us. Do you think we are wrong or how would you handle this?
    I agree with PP that you don't owe her anything. 

    But aside from that, I want to say that you can't manage anyone else's relationship with your sister, only your own. It sounds like most of the communications have been toward or with your parents. You've already decided to cut her off, which seems healthy at this point.

    I caution you not to put the emotional labor into her relationship with your parents. They need to manage that for themselves, and make their own decisions. If they decide to maintain some sort of relationship or even give her something, it doesn't really matter whether she deserves it. That's really up to them, and shouldn't have any bearing on the validity of your choice to cut her off. 
    Most of the communication has been with my parents. However, she deleted everyone except for my husband on Facebook because she was mad at my parents. I hadn't talked to her in weeks when she deleted me. After I found out she deleted me, I reached out to her to see why she deleted me. She told me she was done with all us. She then proceeded to message me on Facebook messenger a few days later (even though we are no longer Facebook friends) wanting to know what gifts we bought her husband for Christmas. She also messaged my brother at the same time asking him to come to her house on Black Friday to watch her now step-son. She wanted him to leave his wife sitting at home and come watch the child. When my brother refused she yelled at him for being selfish and all sorts of things. 
    That's exactly what I'm saying. Most of this is directed to them, not you, and is out of your control. 

    If your parents decide to take a different path, it doesn't mean that your decision is invalid or incorrect, or that you should try to interject.
  • edited December 2019
    My sister got married on Friday at a court house. Over the past few weeks she has treated everyone in my family horribly. She has told us she hates us and wants nothing to do with us ever again. She deleted everyone on Facebook except for my husband. She didn't even tell us she got engaged and my mom found out from a friend of hers because my sister posted it on Facebook and my mom's friend messaged her telling her that my sister was engaged. She also accused our parents of favoritism and child abuse. She feels she was abused as a child because she was grounded. She happened to be grounded more than my brother or me which is why she thinks they favor us. She seems to forget that she behaved worse than either of us. A few days prior to the wedding, she messaged my mom demanding money in cash because they parents bought my wedding dress. My brother also works for my parents so all of the money he was paid by them while he was working went towards the wedding, but she feels she is entitled to that same amount of money in cash as well. My parents had previously made payments towards her first wedding, but she ended up cancelling that wedding. She was refunded some of the money our parents paid, but she kept it. They offered to buy her a wedding dress, but since she was getting married at the court house she didn't want/need a wedding dress. She just wanted them to give her thousands of dollars in cash because she feels she is entitled to it. My parents said no to handing over a lump sum of cash because they don't trust her or her husband to spend it wisely because they both have a history of drug abuse. After my parents said no, my sister called them about every name under the sun. As of this morning, she texted my grandmother telling her they are now accepting wedding presents. After everything she has said and done, we don't feel she should be expecting anything from any of us. Do you think we are wrong or how would you handle this?
    I agree with PP that you don't owe her anything. 

    But aside from that, I want to say that you can't manage anyone else's relationship with your sister, only your own. It sounds like most of the communications have been toward or with your parents. You've already decided to cut her off, which seems healthy at this point.

    I caution you not to put the emotional labor into her relationship with your parents. They need to manage that for themselves, and make their own decisions. If they decide to maintain some sort of relationship or even give her something, it doesn't really matter whether she deserves it. That's really up to them, and shouldn't have any bearing on the validity of your choice to cut her off. 
    Most of the communication has been with my parents. However, she deleted everyone except for my husband on Facebook because she was mad at my parents. I hadn't talked to her in weeks when she deleted me. After I found out she deleted me, I reached out to her to see why she deleted me. She told me she was done with all us. She then proceeded to message me on Facebook messenger a few days later (even though we are no longer Facebook friends) wanting to know what gifts we bought her husband for Christmas. She also messaged my brother at the same time asking him to come to her house on Black Friday to watch her now step-son. She wanted him to leave his wife sitting at home and come watch the child. When my brother refused she yelled at him for being selfish and all sorts of things. 
    That's exactly what I'm saying. Most of this is directed to them, not you, and is out of your control. 

    If your parents decide to take a different path, it doesn't mean that your decision is invalid or incorrect, or that you should try to interject.
    My parents are free to do as they please. I don't believe they plan on buying her a gift, but that is their decision. I don't think I will buy her one because I don't feel like she should expect gifts when we weren't invite to her wedding. If she had invited us to the wedding, I would have no problem getting her a gift. We bought my husband's brother a wedding present even though he didn't get us one. I will admit I hate the way she has treated my parents, but she has also treated me terribly. She only ever speaks to me when she wants something. It has been like what for a long while and I have just gotten tired of it. She made my wedding planning incredibly difficult because one second she wanted to be in the wedding and the next she hated everyone. Unless she is willing to change her behavior which I doubt she is then I don't really want more to do with her. It is just sad because she is my sister and I would never do the things she has done to us. Most of her behavior has been directed at our parents, but she has also gone off on me. At one point during the wedding planning, she went off on me because I asked her not to wear Ked's because our wedding was formal and seeing as she was my maid of honor I didn't think it was appropriate footwear for the wedding. She told me I was a selfish *itch because of that. 
  • Focus on your relationship with her sans second hand information.  From your description it sounds like you may be dealing with some sort of addiction/mental illness/manic states.  And while cutting her off is only something you can decide is healthy or not from you, one of the biggest factors in recovery is support network which is not to be confused with enablers.  However, if her being around you now is unhealthy for you, you decide the parameters that are healthy for you and who you associate with!

    "We haven't purchased anything because you haven't introduced him to everyone and we haven't even met the guy yet!" is a viable answer.  Maybe a "First Christmas Together" ornament TOPS since you weren't invited to the wedding, reception, etc. 

    Also, footwear for your wedding, unless the dresses were short and you were paying, she gets the "in the right" for that one...  
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • MesmrEwe said:
    Focus on your relationship with her sans second hand information.  From your description it sounds like you may be dealing with some sort of addiction/mental illness/manic states.  And while cutting her off is only something you can decide is healthy or not from you, one of the biggest factors in recovery is support network which is not to be confused with enablers.  However, if her being around you now is unhealthy for you, you decide the parameters that are healthy for you and who you associate with!

    "We haven't purchased anything because you haven't introduced him to everyone and we haven't even met the guy yet!" is a viable answer.  Maybe a "First Christmas Together" ornament TOPS since you weren't invited to the wedding, reception, etc. 

    Also, footwear for your wedding, unless the dresses were short and you were paying, she gets the "in the right" for that one...  
    She is bipolar and we has done drugs in the past. Her husband has also done drugs in the past. We have met him, but none of us like him. She is the one that decided she wanted nothing more to do with any of us. 

    I bought her dress and my mom paid the alterations so I wasn't going to pay for her shoes as well. She tried to convince us to pay for hair and makeup as well. Our wedding was formal so Ked's weren't appropriate. I told all of the bridesmaids to wear silver shoes, but not sneakers which is what Ked's are. She ended up wearing sandals which is totally fine, but sneakers to a wedding was not. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards