My sister got married on Friday at a court house. Over the past few weeks she has treated everyone in my family horribly. She has told us she hates us and wants nothing to do with us ever again. She deleted everyone on Facebook except for my husband. She didn't even tell us she got engaged and my mom found out from a friend of hers because my sister posted it on Facebook and my mom's friend messaged her telling her that my sister was engaged. She also accused our parents of favoritism and child abuse. She feels she was abused as a child because she was grounded. She happened to be grounded more than my brother or me which is why she thinks they favor us. She seems to forget that she behaved worse than either of us. A few days prior to the wedding, she messaged my mom demanding money in cash because they parents bought my wedding dress. My brother also works for my parents so all of the money he was paid by them while he was working went towards the wedding, but she feels she is entitled to that same amount of money in cash as well. My parents had previously made payments towards her first wedding, but she ended up cancelling that wedding. She was refunded some of the money our parents paid, but she kept it. They offered to buy her a wedding dress, but since she was getting married at the court house she didn't want/need a wedding dress. She just wanted them to give her thousands of dollars in cash because she feels she is entitled to it. My parents said no to handing over a lump sum of cash because they don't trust her or her husband to spend it wisely because they both have a history of drug abuse. After my parents said no, my sister called them about every name under the sun. As of this morning, she texted my grandmother telling her they are now accepting wedding presents. After everything she has said and done, we don't feel she should be expecting anything from any of us. Do you think we are wrong or how would you handle this?
Re: Gifts for My Sister
But I don't need to tell you your sister is being outrageous and rude AF to try and drum up presents. That would be awful for anyone to do.
TBH, I suspect she'd be unhappy and wouldn't think it's "enough", no matter what you, your all's parents and other family members gave her. I know it is easier said than done, but I would no longer be concerned with her feelings and absurd expectations. Unfortunately, she hasn't shown much concern for anyone else's feelings.
But aside from that, I want to say that you can't manage anyone else's relationship with your sister, only your own. It sounds like most of the communications have been toward or with your parents. You've already decided to cut her off, which seems healthy at this point.
I caution you not to put the emotional labor into her relationship with your parents. They need to manage that for themselves, and make their own decisions. If they decide to maintain some sort of relationship or even give her something, it doesn't really matter whether she deserves it. That's really up to them, and shouldn't have any bearing on the validity of your choice to cut her off.
If your parents decide to take a different path, it doesn't mean that your decision is invalid or incorrect, or that you should try to interject.
"We haven't purchased anything because you haven't introduced him to everyone and we haven't even met the guy yet!" is a viable answer. Maybe a "First Christmas Together" ornament TOPS since you weren't invited to the wedding, reception, etc.
Also, footwear for your wedding, unless the dresses were short and you were paying, she gets the "in the right" for that one...
I bought her dress and my mom paid the alterations so I wasn't going to pay for her shoes as well. She tried to convince us to pay for hair and makeup as well. Our wedding was formal so Ked's weren't appropriate. I told all of the bridesmaids to wear silver shoes, but not sneakers which is what Ked's are. She ended up wearing sandals which is totally fine, but sneakers to a wedding was not.