Wedding Woes

It is Wednesday.

"It is your Birthday." Office vibes on the title.  Very SSDD over here.  How's everyone else?
charlotte989875cupcait927Jen4948MissKittyDanger
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Re: It is Wednesday.

  • It’s extremely warm here today! It’s only 10:00 and already 82 degrees and 70% humidity. The dog just keeps looking at us like “where’d all the snow go??”

    H is stressed. Did anyone’s H get like this before a baby? He’s making all kinds of lists of projects that need to get done, and he’s waking up in the middle of the night stressed he won’t finish it all. He just finished the floors Monday and now he’s got lists of additional things he needs to do. He’s stressing me out with his stress! 

    But the floors look great!


    Yes!

    Guys - especially with the first when being helpful also know that they can't actually grow the baby.   So instead they figure out what needs to be done to try to prepare.  
    charlotte989875
  • @charlotte989875 my H was the same way!!  All of a sudden we had 2 years worth of projects that just HAD to get done in a couple months.  I think it's just his way of helping and feeling involved since there's not too much baby-wise he could do or help with until the baby was actually here.  I would not recommend starting anything big that you can't finish at least a couple weeks before the due date.  Our guy came 2 weeks early and we had finished painting our whole upstairs only 2 days before!  Your room looks great!!!

    I'm so tired today.  We're still at my parents and we've both been getting SO much work done.  My mom is having an awesome time hanging with the babe all day.  The week is going too fast. 

    short+sassy
  • @charlotte989875 yes, but not in a good way. The first year DH developed major anxiety and horrible coping skills, ie drinking. He started going to therapy and got on medication about 8 months ago. I don't think he had really considered how a baby would change his life before DS came and it really got to him. It doesn't get mentioned a lot but men need postpartum support too. 
    charlotte989875short+sassyOliveOilsMomkerbohl
  • I don't remember DH being too stressed before DefConn was born.  I was fully nesting for the last 2 months.  I was the one up early and stressing about all the things.  LOL 

    @charlotte989875, remind DH that the baby won't come out judging him.  That takes time to instill.  Hee.  

    We had a 2.5 hour zoom meeting with boy scouts last night.  I think we got a lot hammered out, but that is a long time to video conference. 

    I'm so glad I'm off Friday.  This has been another long as week.  I thought off and on all day yesterday that it was Wednesday.  
    charlotte989875short+sassyei34OliveOilsMom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    SSDD over here. 

    I’m working on some resources for patients as a little side project for work. I’m providing materials in both English and Spanish since most of our patients also/mainly speak Spanish. I had an inevitable rage against the system yesterday when I tried to work on my Spanish speaking resource list...and there was nothing. There was all of this stuff in English, local resources, descriptions, additional FAQ. And then nothing for my Hispanic community. Just “sometimes people you love get sad. They should get treatment.” So now I’m manually translating everything over into Spanish and making calls to make sure the resources provided actually can serve the community majority they’re amongst. It shouldn’t be this hard for people to find help. 

    @charlotte989875 the floors look great! I’m sure H is just trying to contribute in any way he can. It’s just not helping you have any peace before babe comes. 


    image
    charlotte989875short+sassyOliveOilsMom
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @charlotte989875 the room looks wonderful! I don't remember H getting like that but lol my first baby was 33.5 years ago and the last one was 26 years ago! I'm sure he's just doing his form of nesting and as others have said preparing in the only way he knows how. 

    Nothing much today. Getting laundry done before we leave for Chicago. DS2 is coming back tonight so that he can watch the dogs while we are gone. He is still working remotely and I'm glad he has that flexibility.

    Last night we had an al fresco dinner with friends. We were lucky the awful weather didn't hit us. It was a great evening catching up. Their 3rd grandson was born a couple of weeks ago so we talked about that and their 6 month old grandson. 
    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • MNNEBrideMNNEBride Midwest member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    @charlotte989875 - the floors are beautiful

    @mrsconn23 - kids randomly screaming drives me crazy.  Scream if you need help but don't scream because your brother is chasing you.  We had screamers/screechers across the street for awhile.  Very unsettling.

    We had 2-3 inches of rain yesterday into last night.  No local flooding that I'm aware of.  South of us, a small area got almost 8" - wow!

    Trying to make plans with my family for Father's day.  I think we'll end up at my brother's camp so we can be together but social distance.  
    image
    mrsconn23levioosacharlotte989875
  • Thanks everyone! It’s helpful to know it’s not just him freaking out. I think now that we’re a lot closer he’s feeling the pressure to get everything done (and done early! In case he comes early). 
  • mrsconn23 said:
    I don't remember DH being too stressed before DefConn was born.  I was fully nesting for the last 2 months.  I was the one up early and stressing about all the things.  LOL 

    @charlotte989875, remind DH that the baby won't come out judging him.  That takes time to instill.  Hee.  

    We had a 2.5 hour zoom meeting with boy scouts last night.  I think we got a lot hammered out, but that is a long time to video conference. 

    I'm so glad I'm off Friday.  This has been another long as week.  I thought off and on all day yesterday that it was Wednesday.  
    This made me chuckle a lot, thank you!!
    mrsconn23
  • @charlotte989875 yes, but not in a good way. The first year DH developed major anxiety and horrible coping skills, ie drinking. He started going to therapy and got on medication about 8 months ago. I don't think he had really considered how a baby would change his life before DS came and it really got to him. It doesn't get mentioned a lot but men need postpartum support too. 
    That’s really tough and I appreciate you sharing that. I worry about H because he also hates his job (but hiring has all but stopped here) and he’s the type that feels like he has to take care of us. 
  • @charlotte989875 yes, but not in a good way. The first year DH developed major anxiety and horrible coping skills, ie drinking. He started going to therapy and got on medication about 8 months ago. I don't think he had really considered how a baby would change his life before DS came and it really got to him. It doesn't get mentioned a lot but men need postpartum support too. 
    That’s really tough and I appreciate you sharing that. I worry about H because he also hates his job (but hiring has all but stopped here) and he’s the type that feels like he has to take care of us. 
    Tbh, his unhappiness at his job was a major contributor to his anxiety. I feel like men just have completely different set of worries when it comes to babies and toxic masculinity tells them to bury all feelings/ fears. 
  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @CharmedPam minus the brown and gray balloons I actually liked Dwight and Jim's party for Kelly.  A quiet hour to rest sounds awesome
    @charlotte989875 the floors look beautiful!  Lol H did nothing without being asked/begged, may be more of a personality thing than a dad thing
    Ugh @levioosa that's so frustrating!  Your patients are really lucky to have you but how ridiculous that the Spanish-speaking population didn't have the resources they deserved.
    levioosaOliveOilsMomcharlotte989875
  • @charlotte989875, Everything about that room is gorgeous!  The paint job with the stenciled trees.  I love the color and look of the new flooring.

    @CharmedPam, I'm glad you like your new body boss!  I hope you have a better experience with Zzzquil than I did.  I never tried the capsules, but I did try the liquid.  At least for me, it worked to help me get to sleep and stay asleep.  But then I usually woke up with a hangover-like headache.  I gave it 6-7 tries even over widely spread out days, but finally decided it was a lost cause.

    @mrsconn23, where we were previously living before we bought our house, my H and I lived next door to a woman whose g/f (I'll call her Jane) lived in a more "country" area.  She had a few acres with some farm animals.

    One morning, I'm getting ready for work and I hear this terrified, high-pitched shrieking.  It sounded like a young child, except no one around us had any children.  I'm really alarmed, but my H is acting nonchalant like he doesn't even hear it.  I ask him, "You hear that, right?  Should wweeee, double-check next door and make sure a toddler isn't being murdered?"  He starts laughing and says it's fine.  Jane got a baby pot-bellied pig and she brings it over when she spends the night.

    She would take it outside to go potty, but that involved her picking it up and carrying it both out and back into the house.  Piggies are NOT fans of being carried, lol.  And it would scream bloody murder like that anytime it's little hooves weren't solidly on the ground.  I've always lived in urban environments and would never have guessed that sound came from an animal.   Even once I knew it was a pig, it still sounded exactly like a young child to me.

    Argh!  I had such a crappy morning!  Murphy's Law.  We made it through days of "flash flood warnings" while Cristobal was moving through town.  Nothing.  Then it was raining hard this morning.  It was annoying, but I wasn't that concerned because it rains hard here all the time.  But apparently it was too much in too short of a time.

    As I'm driving to work, I ran into one block that was flooded.  Which I didn't realize until I was driving through it but, okay.  Made it through fine.  Then as I'm approaching the Downtown (I work right outside of it), I hit another flooded street.  Same thing.  The waters weren't so high I could tell it was flooded, until I started driving into it.  But now I'm forced to carefully drive through it for about 1/2 a mile, because there is nowhere else to go.  Still made it through okay, but that was IT!!!!  I turned around and went home.  One of the worst places I know for flooding in the city are the streets that surround my office building, so I didn't see any point in continuing on to work.

    About an hour after the rain let up, I made my second attempt to get to the office.  That trip was successful, so now I'm here.  But I lost about 3 hours of time.  Meh.  I prefer to save my vacation time for taking whole days off.  I think I'll be able to make up some of the time today and some of the time on my half-day Fri.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875mrsconn23
  • Thanks @short+sassy! I sing his praises to anyone that needs to hear it when becoming first time parents because honestly, I don't know how I would've gotten through those first two months without someone as supportive as my H. I hate when women try to dismiss men and say that they're not "natural caretakers" and no one will be as good as mom at taking care of baby (I haven't seen that on here, but it's rampant in my mom group on FB). He relies way more on instinct when taking care of DD while I have to read every baby book and website under the sun because none of it comes naturally to me. He took care of both of us when we needed it and it was awesome.
    This is really awesome, and so good to hear. I have no doubt H will be a great Dad, and I think he’s maybe feeling a little like your H about not doing much to prepare. I’ve done all the research for the registry/what we’re going to want, he will help if I need help making a decision, but he hasn’t done a lot of that type of research. He will occasionally ask questions (last nights was when do babies start to eat real food) but I think he’s realizing how much more I’ve done to prepare and what he can do is stuff around the house. 

    How are you doing now with the PPD/PPA? I’m a little concerned about it, just knowing how common it is. 
    cupcait927
  • Thanks @short+sassy! The trees turned out a lot better than I thought, too! 

    I would not have guessed that noise was a pig!
    short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It’s extremely warm here today! It’s only 10:00 and already 82 degrees and 70% humidity. The dog just keeps looking at us like “where’d all the snow go??”

    H is stressed. Did anyone’s H get like this before a baby? He’s making all kinds of lists of projects that need to get done, and he’s waking up in the middle of the night stressed he won’t finish it all. He just finished the floors Monday and now he’s got lists of additional things he needs to do. He’s stressing me out with his stress! 

    But the floors look great!


    This is beautiful! I love those trees on the wall.
    charlotte989875
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @charlotte989875 the floors look great. I can't wait to see the whole thing put together!

    SSDD here. It's been pouring rain all day, which I'm rather enjoying. It's been too hot this week, I needed a little break. 

    My company decided to give us the day Friday to reflect on everything going on and recharge ourselves. I can't figure out if that's just a bonus holiday or what we're supposed to do. I would like to reflect on my Netflix queue, but I don't think that's the purpose. Maybe I'll do some continuing education or something. 
    cupcait927charlotte989875
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Very busy at work today. My days are running together. But that's a good thing. 

    It's also very hot, but I'll have to wait my turn in the pool. Because of Covid-19, only 4 people can use the pool at a time at my building.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Whew.  Its been a crazy time here.  We had some crazy storms last Thursday and a huge tree fell onto their house in the second round of storms.  It is currently unlivable.  They went to my parents house to stay since they were at their shore house.  My parents came up the next day and while my brother is literally standing at his house while a crane is removing the tree from his house - my dad tells him they can stay at his house as long as they pay the electricity bill.  Ummmm, bad timing dad!  So my brother and his family are currently staying with us, as my brother is a bit ticked at my dad for his comment.  Its a bit crazy here and work has picked up too - not a good combo!

    Charlotte - We were already weekend warrioring our main bath for the past 10 months.  But as I was getting later into my pregnancy, H was really pushing to get the bathtub working for me, since our master bath only has a stall shower.  The weekend that DD ended up arriving, H was planning to put the final touches on the bathroom.  But that didn't happen since DD came a month early!  

    Levioosa - That is really great and kind of you to work to translate all of the material on the website.
    charlotte989875short+sassylevioosaei34
  • @OliveOilsMom, wow!  I'm so sorry to hear that about your brother and his family.  What a scary, terrible thing to have happen.  But it sounds like everyone is okay and no one is injured?  That's the main thing.  Though I'm sure it's devastating to suddenly be facing extensive home repairs.  I would think the property insurance company is responsible for paying for hotel rooms while the home is being repaired.  Or even a rental if the repairs will take longer than X amount of time.

    My H grew up in Oregon and lived there through his 20s (before I knew him).  He owned a house that had a few really tall pine trees in his backyard.  They were having a week-long rainstorm.  Real rain as opposed to their usual constant drizzle, lol.  The ground got so oversaturated that one of the pine trees...along with its root ball...just rolled one day right out of the ground.  Onto his neighbor's house.  Fortunately, no one was hurt.  But the damage was extensive.

    And everyone got an up close and personal look at exactly what the phrase "Act of God" in property insurance contracts means!  Both insurance companies were contacted.  And both agreed the claim would go 100% under the neighbor's policy.  Because although it had been on my H's property, it was a healthy tree and the only reason it fell was because of the storm.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I'm glad your brother is OK @OliveOilsMom.  What the what at your dad.  That's something you work out if someone is staying with you for months and months (which could be the case depending on what it takes to get their house back in order), but not as you're standing there surveying the damage. 

    Your brother should see if their insurance company would cover an extended stay/furnished apartment once the adjusters come out to give a timeline and whatnot.  
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Thanks @short+sassy! I sing his praises to anyone that needs to hear it when becoming first time parents because honestly, I don't know how I would've gotten through those first two months without someone as supportive as my H. I hate when women try to dismiss men and say that they're not "natural caretakers" and no one will be as good as mom at taking care of baby (I haven't seen that on here, but it's rampant in my mom group on FB). He relies way more on instinct when taking care of DD while I have to read every baby book and website under the sun because none of it comes naturally to me. He took care of both of us when we needed it and it was awesome.
    This is really awesome, and so good to hear. I have no doubt H will be a great Dad, and I think he’s maybe feeling a little like your H about not doing much to prepare. I’ve done all the research for the registry/what we’re going to want, he will help if I need help making a decision, but he hasn’t done a lot of that type of research. He will occasionally ask questions (last nights was when do babies start to eat real food) but I think he’s realizing how much more I’ve done to prepare and what he can do is stuff around the house. 

    How are you doing now with the PPD/PPA? I’m a little concerned about it, just knowing how common it is. 
    I'm doing SO much better! Looking back, I should've reached out to a therapist before she was born because I felt pretty disconnected to the idea of being a mom even before she was born. Once she got here, I kept waiting for someone to come and get her because she didn't feel like my baby. And I was paralyzed with fear - fear of doing something wrong as a first time mom. I had panic attacks every night. I got right into my doctor a week and a half after she was born and got on medication. I also see a therapist as well. My recommendation would be to never hesitate to reach out to your provider if you even think you might be suffering from PPD or PPA. I went to my PCP but your OBGYN can also help. 
    charlotte989875OliveOilsMommrsconn23
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @Jen4948 how does that pool thing work?  Sign up sheet?  4 at a time for how long?  Just curious about procedures everywhere.  I don’t have a pool in my community center myself

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