Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guests moved to Not Invited

Hi! I am doing first round invites due to the amount of guests I can have and sending second rounds once declines come in and everyone has already received save the dates. Since I am doing online RSVPs i want to move all my guests I am NOT inviting the first round to not invited so their RSVP does not show up. Do you know where these guests go when moved to not invited? It looks to me that they get deleted but I still want to have these guests in here.

**Update.. i'm not asking for anyone's opinions. I'm curious as to where the people go when they are moved to Not Invited in the guest list.

Re: Guests moved to Not Invited

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hi! I am doing first round invites due to the amount of guests I can have and sending second rounds once declines come in and everyone has already received save the dates. Since I am doing online RSVPs i want to move all my guests I am NOT inviting the first round to not invited so their RSVP does not show up. Do you know where these guests go when moved to not invited? It looks to me that they get deleted but I still want to have these guests in here.
    Nope nope nope. This is so rude.  


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    aisfora86
  • I'm confused why this is so rude... we are expecting a third of the people we are allowed to invite to decline. We can only have a certain number allowed to our venue. We already sent save the dates to everyone. We have a good amount only coming to our ceremony and not reception so why wouldn't I want to fill these spots..
  • You should not have planned to invite more people than your venue can hold, and you should not be assuming that a certain number of people will definitely decline. 
    image
    short+sassyaisfora86
  • Due to Covid we have to cut our guest list. It is out of our control. I have many people that have TOLD me they will only be coming to the ceremony and not reception. 
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is so damn tacky. 
    short+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I would cancel and then reschedule for a time when you can invite your entire guest list at one time, with no "rounds" of invitations.
    MyNameIsNotdowntondivaei34
  • WinstonsGirlWinstonsGirl The Cold North member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What about the 'guests' who got a STD and then don't get invited because not enough people declined?  

  • maine7mobmaine7mob Maine, USA member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    This is so, so mean! You sent STDs to people. They now ALL expect an invitation. Only some will never receive one, because you won't have enough A-listers declining to accommodate them. Then those uninvited will see the wedding pics all over social media and wonder what they did to offend you. Or if they were invited and their invitation got lost, and perhaps they were being rude because they didn't respond. 

    This isn't about "filling a space" that you paid for. It's about deciding whom you want at your wedding, and finding a space to accommodate them.
    MyNameIsNotILoveBeachMusicshort+sassy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Totally agree with the above, just to add- you already know the havoc Covid has wreaked on your wedding plans.  Put yourself in your guests' shoes- how far in advance are the A List guests supposed to rsvp in order to make room for the B listers?  Say your wedding is in mid-November.  Wedding invites should go out around the 8 week mark, so your not-good-enough-guests will get theirs mid-Sept.  Meaning your A listers have to rsvp by early Sept?  No way I'd be able to confirm my attendance at anything so far out.  It's a logistical nightmare for your preferred guests, and crazy rude to the ones you don't care as much about. 
    banana468short+sassycharlotte989875
  • ei34 said:
    Totally agree with the above, just to add- you already know the havoc Covid has wreaked on your wedding plans.  Put yourself in your guests' shoes- how far in advance are the A List guests supposed to rsvp in order to make room for the B listers?  Say your wedding is in mid-November.  Wedding invites should go out around the 8 week mark, so your not-good-enough-guests will get theirs mid-Sept.  Meaning your A listers have to rsvp by early Sept?  No way I'd be able to confirm my attendance at anything so far out.  It's a logistical nightmare for your preferred guests, and crazy rude to the ones you don't care as much about. 
    That's another good point.   Covid is making it SO hard to make any kind of plan at this point.   It goes against everything I want to do and at this point all I can do is say "hopefully!" when asked about anything in the future that is more than about 2 weeks out. 
    ei34charlotte989875levioosa
  • OP, to answer your specific question, it's probably best to contact the site that has your online rsvps for that kind of navigation of mixing people around.  Though it's possible they may not have any good options for what you want because that isn't how invites are normally done.

    That's certainly up to you to ignore what is essentially the same opinion held by every one of the over a dozen people who responded to this post.  But KIM, none of us have a dog in this race.  We aren't you're Tier 1 or Tier 2 guests.  We're just trying to save you from the massive rude AF etiquette blunder you are about to make that will probably result in offending many of your guests or "almost" guests.

    People, including guests who got the STDs, understand that these are unusual times.  And, through no fault of your own, may have to scale back on the guest list.  But "tiering" is still the wrong way to do it.  Some posters have given good suggestions on alternative ways to go.
    This exactly. I say either postpone your wedding entirely until you can include everyone, or keep your original wedding date and have a much smaller event (whether you have a bigger celebration later on is up to you). I know a couple of people who are doing the latter, where only their immediate families and maybe their wedding parties will be present. People will understand that because of the circumstances, you decided to have a much smaller event and could no longer include them. I'm not sure they'd be so understanding if they knew they were only invited because somebody else declined to attend.

    image
    short+sassyJen4948ILoveBeachMusicei34
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