Guests moved to Not Invited

knottie2e2924baf03b3f39

Hi! I am doing first round invites due to the amount of guests I can have and sending second rounds once declines come in and everyone has already received save the dates. Since I am doing online RSVPs i want to move all my guests I am NOT inviting the first round to not invited so their RSVP does not show up. Do you know where these guests go when moved to not invited? It looks to me that they get deleted but I still want to have these guests in here.

**Update.. i'm not asking for anyone's opinions. I'm curious as to where the people go when they are moved to Not Invited in the guest list.

banana468

PLEASE do not do this.

Figure out your guest list and please don't put them into an A/B list.   What would you do if someone suddenly can make it and then you tell them that you filled their space like it was a ticket to a theater performance.

Instead, please look at your guest list and create a firm amount of those you intend to invite and just send the invitations once. 

levioosa

knottie2e2924baf03b3f39 said:

Hi! I am doing first round invites due to the amount of guests I can have and sending second rounds once declines come in and everyone has already received save the dates. Since I am doing online RSVPs i want to move all my guests I am NOT inviting the first round to not invited so their RSVP does not show up. Do you know where these guests go when moved to not invited? It looks to me that they get deleted but I still want to have these guests in here.

Nope nope nope. This is so rude.  

knottie2e2924baf03b3f39

I'm confused why this is so rude... we are expecting a third of the people we are allowed to invite to decline. We can only have a certain number allowed to our venue. We already sent save the dates to everyone. We have a good amount only coming to our ceremony and not reception so why wouldn't I want to fill these spots..

banana468

knottie2e2924baf03b3f39 said:

I'm confused why this is so rude... we are expecting a third of the people we are allowed to invite to decline. We can only have a certain number allowed to our venue. We already sent save the dates to everyone. We have a good amount only coming to our ceremony and not reception so why wouldn't I want to fill these spots..

It treats your guests as spot fillers and not like you want them there equally.  Please to not put people in tiers.  Invite those on your list and if you have people who decline you have people who don't attend and a less than filled venue.

downtondiva

You should not have planned to invite more people than your venue can hold, and you should not be assuming that a certain number of people will definitely decline. 

knottie2e2924baf03b3f39

Due to Covid we have to cut our guest list. It is out of our control. I have many people that have TOLD me they will only be coming to the ceremony and not reception. 

MobKaz

knottie2e2924baf03b3f39 said:

I'm confused why this is so rude... we are expecting a third of the people we are allowed to invite to decline. We can only have a certain number allowed to our venue. We already sent save the dates to everyone. We have a good amount only coming to our ceremony and not reception so why wouldn't I want to fill these spots..

You sent STD's to EVERYONE but now are disinviting some?  And those being disinvited don't know yet and their invitation is dependent on whether someone "higher" than them declines?  How can you NOT see how this is rude. 

If you had a change in what your venue allowed, then you need to send a note stating that the wedding expecting to take place on 00/00/0000 will not take place as planned.  That makes the STD's null and void.  Then you re-issue invitations once, and only once, to your one guest list. 

climbingsingle

This is so damn tacky. 

MyNameIsNot

I get that covid caused a venue restriction after you've already made plans. That's out of your control, and it's certainly something that etiquette probably hasn't had to address square on before. 

It's still rude to tier your guests. No one wants to be the runner up guest who will only be allowed if the first tier guests decide not to come. It's just a crappy way to treat people, etiquette aside. Imagine you're having 5 close friends for dinner, but you burn one of the chicken breasts. Instead of scrambling to come up with something else or cancel entirely, you call Sue and tell her she's no longer invited. Then, at the last minute, Kelly cancels because of an emergency. So you call Sue back and tell her you do have space for her after all now that Kelly won't make it. How do you think Sue feels? This is exactly what you're proposing to do on a larger scale. 

My advice would be to postpone until it's safe to invite your entire guest list. If you insist on going through with the smaller version, send out a card to everyone who received a save the date saying that Covid has forced you to cancel your original plans. Then later send separate invitations to the smaller guest list that you choose. When you do that, I'd recommend creating a new website that includes FAQs about the safety precautions you are taking, including that there will be a small number of attendees. 

Jen4948

I would cancel and then reschedule for a time when you can invite your entire guest list at one time, with no "rounds" of invitations.

WinstonsGirl

What about the 'guests' who got a STD and then don't get invited because not enough people declined?  

maine7mob

This is so, so mean! You sent STDs to people. They now ALL expect an invitation. Only some will never receive one, because you won't have enough A-listers declining to accommodate them. Then those uninvited will see the wedding pics all over social media and wonder what they did to offend you. Or if they were invited and their invitation got lost, and perhaps they were being rude because they didn't respond. 

This isn't about "filling a space" that you paid for. It's about deciding whom you want at your wedding, and finding a space to accommodate them.

ei34

Totally agree with the above, just to add- you already know the havoc Covid has wreaked on your wedding plans.  Put yourself in your guests' shoes- how far in advance are the A List guests supposed to rsvp in order to make room for the B listers?  Say your wedding is in mid-November.  Wedding invites should go out around the 8 week mark, so your not-good-enough-guests will get theirs mid-Sept.  Meaning your A listers have to rsvp by early Sept?  No way I'd be able to confirm my attendance at anything so far out.  It's a logistical nightmare for your preferred guests, and crazy rude to the ones you don't care as much about. 

banana468

ei34 said:

Totally agree with the above, just to add- you already know the havoc Covid has wreaked on your wedding plans.  Put yourself in your guests' shoes- how far in advance are the A List guests supposed to rsvp in order to make room for the B listers?  Say your wedding is in mid-November.  Wedding invites should go out around the 8 week mark, so your not-good-enough-guests will get theirs mid-Sept.  Meaning your A listers have to rsvp by early Sept?  No way I'd be able to confirm my attendance at anything so far out.  It's a logistical nightmare for your preferred guests, and crazy rude to the ones you don't care as much about. 

That's another good point.   Covid is making it SO hard to make any kind of plan at this point.   It goes against everything I want to do and at this point all I can do is say "hopefully!" when asked about anything in the future that is more than about 2 weeks out. 

short+sassy

OP, to answer your specific question, it's probably best to contact the site that has your online rsvps for that kind of navigation of mixing people around.  Though it's possible they may not have any good options for what you want because that isn't how invites are normally done.

That's certainly up to you to ignore what is essentially the same opinion held by every one of the over a dozen people who responded to this post.  But KIM, none of us have a dog in this race.  We aren't you're Tier 1 or Tier 2 guests.  We're just trying to save you from the massive rude AF etiquette blunder you are about to make that will probably result in offending many of your guests or "almost" guests.

People, including guests who got the STDs, understand that these are unusual times.  And, through no fault of your own, may have to scale back on the guest list.  But "tiering" is still the wrong way to do it.  Some posters have given good suggestions on alternative ways to go.

downtondiva

short+sassy said:

OP, to answer your specific question, it's probably best to contact the site that has your online rsvps for that kind of navigation of mixing people around.  Though it's possible they may not have any good options for what you want because that isn't how invites are normally done.

That's certainly up to you to ignore what is essentially the same opinion held by every one of the over a dozen people who responded to this post.  But KIM, none of us have a dog in this race.  We aren't you're Tier 1 or Tier 2 guests.  We're just trying to save you from the massive rude AF etiquette blunder you are about to make that will probably result in offending many of your guests or "almost" guests.

People, including guests who got the STDs, understand that these are unusual times.  And, through no fault of your own, may have to scale back on the guest list.  But "tiering" is still the wrong way to do it.  Some posters have given good suggestions on alternative ways to go.

This exactly. I say either postpone your wedding entirely until you can include everyone, or keep your original wedding date and have a much smaller event (whether you have a bigger celebration later on is up to you). I know a couple of people who are doing the latter, where only their immediate families and maybe their wedding parties will be present. People will understand that because of the circumstances, you decided to have a much smaller event and could no longer include them. I'm not sure they'd be so understanding if they knew they were only invited because somebody else declined to attend.