4 men

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

Ten years ago, I was attacked by a dog in a freak accident. I got excellent medical care but was left with visible scars on the lower half of my face. My partner and I had met before that, and he always told me I still looked beautiful and I didn’t need cosmetic surgery. Thanks to this boost, I’ve been mostly fine with my appearance and haven’t considered surgery. However, now that we’re all wearing masks everywhere and my scars are covered, I’ve noticed a huge difference. People treat me better! I feel more comfortable and confident. It’s making me rethink my “no-surgery” stance. I brought this up with my partner briefly and he expressed sadness that I felt this way, and then said some weird stuff that if I got surgery and became more “attractive” he’d have to worry more about me cheating. I was floored. I’m now spiraling. In addition to my dilemma over whether to pursue cosmetic surgery, now I’m suddenly feeling like the partner I know and love is no longer supportive. What can I do to help him understand the surgery isn’t about him or for him, it’s for me?

—Deep Scars

CharmedPam

LW get your surgery.  If you notice a difference in his mannerisms and jealousy... then get yourself a new partner.  

drunkenwitch

Question for the LW, why are you with a man who clearly doesn't trust you?  

and WTF? He thinks a facial scar is the only thing that stops her from cheating?  Like she completely wants to cheat on him but men just won't fuck her because she has a scar?  That's fucked up.  

banana468

Wha?? 

Do what you want LW.   

charlotte989875

Dump the boyfriend then decide if you want surgery. He’s making the surgery about him and someone who does that isn’t thinking about your best interests or happiness they’re only thinking of themselves. That’s unlikely to change. 

downtondiva

The only thing your boyfriend should have said when you told him you were considering surgery is that he'd support whatever decision you made. It sounds like his so-called support of you before you brought up surgery was more about his own insecurities than anything else. 

You need to be able to make a decision this big without your boyfriend's weird comments and insecurities hanging over your head. If that means you have to break up with him in order to make the best choice for yourself, then so be it.

Jen4948

End the relationship. Whether you have surgery or not, your boyfriend should not be taking his insecurities out on you. He's being a jerk by accusing you pre-emptively of "cheating."

levioosa

Ew. LW needs to dump the bf and then do whatever they want regarding surgery. 

short+sassy

Since they've been together for 10 years, I'm not sure the LW should go straight to DTMFA...yet.  I want to believe the b/f's initial reaction came out of surprise and wasn't something he'd really given any thought to.  Because it's incredibly insulting on many levels.

If he can now see and understand the egregious errors of his ways, maybe there is still hope for them.

Either way, no question the LW should get the surgery if that is what they want to do.  Don't even consider the b/f's opinion, it is both irrelevant and hurtful.  I can understand why the LW wants surgery, though it does make me sad to hear it's because they have now noticed that people treat them better when the scars can't be seen.

So many awful people in this letter.  The b/f AND some members of the general public.

climbingsingle

What a dickhead.