Attire & Accessories Forum

Photographer/Baker/ kinda bridesmaid? What do I wear?

So my “friend” asked me to photograph her wedding. I wouldn’t consider myself a professional photographer but I am a hobby one and do it on the side for fun. I have a professional camera and set up. She led asking me with saying “I was gonna ask you to be a bridesmaid but my fiancé doesn’t have enough men and I have to make it even so I was thinking you can be my photographer? But you can still wear a bridesmaid dress so you can be in some pictures. But you won’t be walking the aisle or anything. I’ll have another photographer there as well.” 

I am also a professional baker and make wedding cakes / desserts. So I will be making her wedding cake. She also asked me last minute if I could do her bridal hair.. 

My question is, what do I wear? She wants me in some pictures but I think it would be weird to wear a bridesmaid dress. Also feel kind of like I shouldn’t be wearing one as I’m not actually a bridesmaid... help

Re: Photographer/Baker/ kinda bridesmaid? What do I wear?

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So my “friend” asked me to photograph her wedding. I wouldn’t consider myself a professional photographer but I am a hobby one and do it on the side for fun. I have a professional camera and set up. She led asking me with saying “I was gonna ask you to be a bridesmaid but my fiancé doesn’t have enough men and I have to make it even so I was thinking you can be my photographer? But you can still wear a bridesmaid dress so you can be in some pictures. But you won’t be walking the aisle or anything. I’ll have another photographer there as well.” 

    I am also a professional baker and make wedding cakes / desserts. So I will be making her wedding cake. She also asked me last minute if I could do her bridal hair.. 

    My question is, what do I wear? She wants me in some pictures but I think it would be weird to wear a bridesmaid dress. Also feel kind of like I shouldn’t be wearing one as I’m not actually a bridesmaid... help
    Why are you doing any of this for a friend-in-quotation-marks-only?

    She has made it clear that something stupid and totally unnecessary like even sides is reason enough to keep you out of the bridal party, but has no qualms asking you to do two or more things you could monetize, but for free? She has no respect for you. Wear whatever you damn well please, if you're going to go.
    banana468short+sassy
  • If you are cool with wearing the bridesmaids dress and if that’s what she wants go for it. If not, maybe consider wearing something that coordinates well or falls within the colour scheme without being identical. I get her asking for help. Sometimes it’s nice to have the wedding things done by people you care about. Makes it extra special. Just don’t spread yourself too thin. I hope she appreciates you! The “friend” part unfortunately makes me think otherwise. Good luck 
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would be doing none of this for a person who clearly values pictures more than you as a person. Why are you doing all of this for them?


    image
    MyNameIsNotshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2020
    It bothers me that you would do so much for someone who told you that you didn't make the cut to be her bridesmaid. You're being a better friend to her than she is to you.

    I think it's up to you what you wear. If you do decide to photograph the wedding and bake the cake, I think you should charge her fees in line with what other professionals in your area would charge her for the photography and what you would charge for wedding cakes, and have her and her fiance sign legally binding contracts setting forth each side's obligations to the other. And those contracts should not mention what you wear or anything other than photography and cake-related matters.
    short+sassy
  • This is...A LOT!  Your friend is rude to you in so many ways.  "Sides" don't need to be even.  I think her real motivation is she didn't want you being a BM, so she could volun-tell you that she wants you taking pictures.

    Now she is volun-telling you, you need to do her hair also.  I only hope the fact that you are baking her cake for free was something you offered without any mention/motivation from her.

    From how you phrased it, it sounds like she is telling you it's okay to wear a BM dress as a consolation prize to feel "included".  Just tell your friend that, since you aren't a BM, you are uncomfortable wearing the same dress.  And that you will be wearing your own outfit.  Don't phrase it like you are asking her.  You are telling her. 
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  • maine7mobmaine7mob Maine, USA member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    So this friend is getting a free cake, free photography, and free bridal hair. What are you getting from this relationship? She sounds like a user.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Your friend is super rude for asking you to do all of this for her. I'm assuming you're not being compensated for any of this, yes? 

    Personally I'd back out of this completely. This is a recipe for disaster. 
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