Just Another Monday

VarunaTT

My weekend was pretty uneventful.  I got hooked into a new Netflix series (to me) called The Sinner.  If you like detective shows, this one is excellent.  Bill Pullman is the main detective.  It looks like each season is same detective, different case.  Jessica Biel plays "Cora", the first season case.  I really liked it; first season is only 8 episodes and I watched the whole thing in two days b/c I needed to know what happened.

Otherwise, nothing much.  My groceries didn't get delivered yesterday and I'm kind of pissy about it.  Ever since they started sending off to a 3rd party for the delivery, I've had a few issues I didn't have before.  So, they're refunding the order.  Thank goodness there's a "reorder all items" button on the orders so I didn't have to figure it all out again.

climbingsingle

I watched the first season of The Sinner when it came it. It was really good! 

I started The Undoing this weekend. Fell asleep during the last episode, but it's been good. Though for how much people talked about it, I wasn't THAT impressed? I don't know. Maybe the ending will change my mind. 

Also didn't do much this weekend. Got my roots touched up and hair trimmed on Saturday. Aside from housework, that's about it. 

kerbohl

I don't know if anyone follows other countries' politics, but I was a little floored on Friday when Mark Rutte, the prime minister of the Netherlands, biked over his resignation to the king.  I think, the way it was done, it isn't going to give Geert Wilders (commonly compared to Trump in his political stylings) an edge in the upcoming March election.  I really, really hope not.  That would lead to "N-exit" talks and some major upheavals. 
 
I'll be watching closely in March!  I should look into registering to vote there as an expat too. (Edited to mention - wait, is expat the term if you were born in one country, lived in another, and then went back to your first country?)

Other than that, my weekend was quiet.  I finished making my anniversary present and started a diamond painting.  Everyone is talking about the hobby on my Facebook, so I thought I would take the plunge.  Also, I watched that Night Stalker series on Netflix.  Very disturbing.

mrsconn23

I'm tired AF today and in my feelings a little bit. 

DH and I talked about his grandma's funeral plans and apparently it's happening Thursday.  In North Carolina (like, BFE NC).   DH's grandma was here for the last 6 months because she could no longer take care of herself and was going to become a ward of the state if DH's uncle hadn't went to get her.  However, she prepaid the funeral and insisted on being buried down there.  So the 10 or so of us who can go to the funeral will all be from out of state (save for his aunt, if she shows up). 

This has completely upended my plans for later this week.  My bday is Saturday.  I took a day and a half off (Thu into Fri) and had a hair appt planned and was going to schedule a massage.  We were also going to have a small gtg here at the house. 

We've canceled all of it.  DH is going to take me out for dinner Saturday and I may still schedule a massage for Saturday or Sunday.  DH feels bad that this has blown up my week and plans (especially knowing that I had a pretty terrible bday last year with mom being in the ICU and this is the first one w/o her), which I appreciate his sweetness.  I did book us an upgraded hotel room for our trip, a 1 bedroom suite, as some consolation.  

Also, we are passing through where DH's cousin lives and she's one our favorite people.  We may try to have lunch with her if she's not working. SIL and niece are coming up from GA, so we get bonus time with them.  

Beside all that, the weekend was fairly low-key.  DefConn and I just hung out at the house.  He was happy because it snowed enough to play in it.  I also let him have his BFF over yesterday. 

I made some awesome spaghetti and meatballs for dinner last night.   Our friends who we see all the time were here and they all had seconds.  The kiddo and his BFF were over to change their car oil and they both scarfed it down. DH said it was the best batch of sauce I've ever made.  *pats self on back*

MissKittyDanger

The funeral Friday was hard.
My cousin wasn't okay, so I basically kept him close.

It was open casket, and I opted to not go in and see her, but when they opened the wall up I basically NOPED right out. I had a pretty rough panic attack and basically Matt got me outside before I completely broke down or started screaming.
Yes she looked lovely but she's gone. That is the issue here.

My nana was big on butterflies {she's the one who taught us that butterflies are angels from heaven} but out of sheer irony, the reverend wore a robe with butterflies.
I couldn't put the flowers in the casket, so I sat at the back with my dad's photo.
I know it sounds weird, but it kinda felt like he was there also?

I've had weird dreams about him before and we're always in the same place - he calls it limbo where the living and dead meet.
Yes this sounds crazy, but I've never experienced something like this until he died and I've had people die before in my life.
ANYWAYS in my dream, my dad told me he and my poppa were there. My nana was "traveling".
Yes .... this sounds crazy and I'm not religious so it's hard to understand so I always kinda run with it.

After the funeral was the procession to the grave site. I'm so glad they didn't lower the casket, apparently that's not a thing anymore. They wait until people have left before they do.

M isn't much of a crier, but he did have some tears. Which always makes me feel better because he doesn't show a whole lot of emotions and I'm constantly making sure he's okay and not feeling like he has to hide them or anything.
My mum broke down at the grave site as we were leaving. As did my aunt.

This just ... idk. It all sucks.

In fun news, BK got out in the snow lots. MIL & SFIL had her Friday and part of Saturday, and luckily it was pretty mild so she was able to play in their yard. We pretty much JUST got snow, so benefit.
We got her out a bit on Sunday morning but we were not so lucky with temperatures. The wind picked up so BK was willing to come in.

Hopefully it shows but if not, the last photo is my favourite lol

VarunaTT

@MissKittyDanger, I was doing some reading one time about funerals.  It talked about people's experiences of remembering their loved ones faces in the casket so much better than anything else.  Basically it's a phenomena of we see our loved ones faces in so many expressions, it's hard for our brain to remember that, but the stilled one, we do.  Even since then, I've noped right the hell out of casket walks (I always found them disturbing anyway); all that to say, I feel you and I'm glad you did what was good for YOU in this situation.

MissKittyDanger

@VarunaTT I've never had a good experience with open caskets.
13 - my poppa died. My nana tried to have me put something in casket. I basically just dropped to the ground and my mum had to come get me

17 - my grampa died. Sat across the room and glancing being angry the artist messed up his hair. Was ready to throw hands and go buy hair gel {his hair was always like a 1950s style - think John Travola in Grease}

and now 33 - last time I saw my nana it didn't look like her in hospital. My aunt wanted to give me a better image to see her as she apparently she looks more "typical"

Nope. She looks dead. I do not wish to see the dead. I'm good thanks.

mrsconn23

((hugs)) @MissKittyDanger.  I'm sorry the funeral was so hard on you and your family. 

I personally hate it when people stand around an open casket and talk about how 'good' the person looks.  I know they're trying to say something that feels kind or comforting, but it's fucking weird and always strikes a nerve in me.  

short+sassy

I took my cell phone to a repair place on Friday.  Turns out, it was a massive manufacturer's defect.  All phones of this model, not just mine.  But, since I'm outside the 12-month warranty (barely), that's an SOL for me.  So, $190 and a lot of hassle later, now I have a new phone.  I'm still waiting for my case and screen protector to come in from Amazon later this week, so I'm being extra careful.

On even worse news.  The p/t gig I've had for nine years just majorly screwed me over.  It involves taking pictures of hotel event boards.  The job had been suspended from April-August.  Huge bummer, but I totally understood.  Then they brought it back in early September, though for one fewer day and fewer hotels (12 from 18, to be exact).  But we were happy because the money was still good for the time spent and were expecting it to take longer before it came back.

On Friday, I got an e-mail from my scheduler (it was to all his "readers") with a big warning that they were doing massive changes to routes and everyone needed to check their route before heading out on Saturday and every day for the rest of this week.  I was cut down to only TWO hotels!  I am completely livid.  When you factor in the r/t time it takes to get downtown, we really aren't saving much time.  We still have to drive, or my H riding his bike, almost the whole route.  I would rather have ZERO hotels and have my route saved until things get back to normal, than this bulls**t of making 10 bucks for one hour of work.  Oh wait.  I'm sorry.  That doesn't include our expenses.  It's a $3 bus fare (total) for my H or about the same in mileage for my car.  So that's $7 for one hour, plus the hassle, 3 days/week. 

I'm going to let this week go by and see if anything changes.  Though I doubt it.  But, assuming it doesn't, I'll get in touch with my scheduler and see if they can "up" how much I get paid for each hotel until there are more on my route again. 

Edited to fix my pre/post pandemic number of hotels.   

banana468

I married into a family with several funeral directors and I think there's an era of practicality associated with the entire process of the passing of a family or friend.  It's so hard but I will say I appreciate the open casket when possible.  We didn't get to meet either niece before they passed and actually appreciated the ability to see them.  I think it offered additional closure for our kids who knew that they were going to see and say goodbye to their cousins. 

However after going through this I also know many hate the process.  My aunt NEVER liked wakes and loathed the entire funeral process. 

Weekend here was decent.   Saturday Chiquita nearly had the lesson of a lifetime when she nearly walked in on DH and me.  "Dad!  I hear mom whimpering" is something I'll hear for a while.   I did tons of laundry and we had dinner with the ILs Saturday.   FIL had to take a Covid test yesterday and needs to quarantine until Wednesday for his cataract surgery and then needs to do the same thing again next Sunday.  

Christmas decorations are FINALLY away.  The house looks bare but at least we have more space again.  

DH and I talked and I think we also need to talk to a contractor in the next month or two.  I don't want to open the door to my home while the virus is peaking but our thought is that we need to figure out what kind of addition is attainable.  If it's going to be a costly eyesore that doesn't get us more space then we need to know sooner rather than later if our next steps are to make easier upgrades to our family room and bathroom and list the house to move.  

short+sassy

@MIssKittyDanger, I'm sorry your nana's funeral was such an understandably hard day.  It sounds like you held up well, all things considered.  Thank you for sharing your dream.  It's not weird or crazy.  They don't happen often, but I have had 3 dreams where my deceased father has spoken to me.  They aren't like other dreams at all.  They are so real and I feel his presence.  I know many people would believe it's just a manifestation in my mind and I can understand that.  But I don't believe it because I don't want to.  It's comforting to me to think that people's spirits can sometimes reach out and I hope that is comforting to you also.

short+sassy

@banana468, You all should contact that HGTV show, "Love It or List It", lol.  I'm kidding, but your all's conundrum reminded of me of the general premise of that show.

ILoveBeachMusic

Sorry your birthday plans are blown up, mrs.conn. Glad it sounds like some good things will happen. So sorry about the funeral @MissKittyDanger. You don't sound crazy. My H swears his grandma visited him right after her funeral ( he was in college).

Not much this weekend. I binged season 4 of The Crown. Cleaned house and that is about it. Today I'm doing some Italian lessons and probably finishing The Crown. The pup isn't eating much today. She had a pretty good weekend though. I'm guessing this is what it will be like until the end - some good days and some bad until the bad outweigh the good. 

banana468

short+sassy said:

@banana468, You all should contact that HGTV show, "Love It or List It", lol.  I'm kidding, but your all's conundrum reminded of me of the general premise of that show.

Too bad we're cable cutters! 

Seriously I think we need to figure out that kind of cost.  We know it could be in the 6 figure range and need to determine if it'll get us what we want or do we need to look elsewhere.  I also don't want to leave town so we're really narrowing down options.  I've pushed DH though saying we don't need to break ground but we need to figure out step 2 soon.  If we're going to be upended it's best to do that in the summer and that's not far off.   To add to it, now that we have a 10 yo I don't want to push renovations too far knowing we'll be looking at college payments soon too.   But we've been here 10 years with no discernable changes and I'm ready to push him to say it's time to do something or get off the pot. 

Jen4948

I'm sorry @MissKittyDanger. As far as not getting to celebrate your birthday as you like goes, my dad's birthday was in November and he spent it taking my mother to the hospital for emergency surgery. Then she had to spend the next few months in a rehab place. Last week she finally came home, but she'll never be able to walk without a walker again. Lots of things she can't do anymore. 

ILoveBeachMusic

LOL @short+sassy I was just telling H we should do that show. I want to move but he doesn't. I feel we really need to downsize (lot more so than house even though slightly smaller house would be fine). He is fine with redoing our master bath which we need to get priced out and started sooner rather than later. I just feel like the market is so hot right now we are stupid for not selling. A house near us that would be a reasonable comp sold in 3 days for just under asking which was a lot more than what ours appraised for 1 1/2 years ago!

ei34

@MissKittyDanger *hugs*

@mrsconn23 I’m sorry your bday weekend is now all jumbled 
@banana468 lol...oldest DD almost caught us the other day...time to do a better job quelling sound bc I certainly don’t have the energy to wait til the kids are asleep every time!

Got vaccinated on Saturday. My state’s 1B includes educators.  I haven’t been teaching remote or hybrid but in person in a 1000+ person school since Sept, so it felt really good.  Off today in honor of Dr. King Jr.

short+sassy

banana468 said:

short+sassy said:

@banana468, You all should contact that HGTV show, "Love It or List It", lol.  I'm kidding, but your all's conundrum reminded of me of the general premise of that show.

Too bad we're cable cutters! 

Seriously I think we need to figure out that kind of cost.  We know it could be in the 6 figure range and need to determine if it'll get us what we want or do we need to look elsewhere.  I also don't want to leave town so we're really narrowing down options.  I've pushed DH though saying we don't need to break ground but we need to figure out step 2 soon.  If we're going to be upended it's best to do that in the summer and that's not far off.   To add to it, now that we have a 10 yo I don't want to push renovations too far knowing we'll be looking at college payments soon too.   But we've been here 10 years with no discernable changes and I'm ready to push him to say it's time to do something or get off the pot. 

Right!  Those are two very different approaches with different plans of attack for the same problem.  It would be nice to at least narrow down the choice to which one.

In the show I referenced, they have two hosts.  One of them is an interior decorator/project manager (Hilary) and the other one is a real estate agent (David).  The family tells the hosts what they are unhappy about in the house and what their wants/needs are.  Hilary forms a renovation plan from their budget.  David takes them out to look at move-in ready listings that already have what they want.

Either way, the renovation work gets done.  That is part of the show.  At the end, Hilary walks them through their home showing them all the improvements.  David tells them the new value of their house and summarizes the previous listings/prices they saw versus what they have now.  And then the family decides (tagline), "If they are going to Love It or List It."    

banana468

For our place, clearly we're not going to just go through the renovations.  Right now, my thought is
-Get estimate, see how far out we can build (contending with septic, roofing, etc) and then determine estimated cost WITHOUT cabinetry.  If the answer is that we won't be able to build as far as as we want, will have roofing / shingle issues or additional problems then my vote is move the renovations to update the downstairs bath, add new carpet in the family room, paint the pine board walls a white color and then list it.  We'd still be selling w/ a dated kitchen but would have updated the things that are in disrepair (carpet w/ holes) and dated (my downstairs bathroom has an avocado green toilet and wood trim in the sconces).  

The issue is now getting DH to shake his tail feather.  Love the man and love how analytical he is.  He doesn't dive into pools and doesn't dive into home improvements.  But now I'm all kinds of antsy.  

MNNEBride

We had a generally good weekend.  The Packers won and we're headed against Tampa Bay next weekend.

My dryer is taking forever to get clothes dry.  It seems to be working well but I wonder if we have a problem with the vent.  The laundry room isn't on an outside wall and we don't have a basement, so the vent is long and either goes through the slap or up and across the attic.  I need to go outside and see if any air is coming out when the dryer is running.  We'll likely start with our service contract through the gas company and then move on to vent cleaning company if needed.  Ugh.

On the upside, we installed a new handheld shower head in the master bath and I got several more boxes unpacked.  

DH has it in his head that we need a security system since I work from home alone everyday.  I don't agree.  We'll see how this plays out.

mrsconn23

Paging @short+sassy, you need to do Prudie on Thursday since I won't be around.   

VarunaTT

Also, I'm nervous as hell for the inauguration.  I wish they'd just do a Zoom ceremony or something more secure.  I need this inauguration to happen.

climbingsingle

MissKitty - I'm sorry the funeral was so rough. 

Open caskets are the worst, IMO. I've been to way too many. The last one I went to was for my ex-boyfriend back in 2019. As soon as I went up and saw him, I started uncontrollably sobbing. 

MissKittyDanger

@ILoveBeachMusic It's weird because at my mum's you can feel .... something. My mum's bff went over shortly after he died and said she expected to feel nervous but she felt there was a calmness to the house {she's very religious so we took it as a compliment}

@short+sassy  I've had dreams about him for years. At the beginning I chalked to manifestations, but then he'd tell me to tell my mum things and they'd be stuff I wouldn't actually know but they're right. It's just so weird. Never creepy. Sad at first, but never scary. Almost as if a guardian angel guiding?

mrsconn23

VarunaTT said:

Also, I'm nervous as hell for the inauguration.  I wish they'd just do a Zoom ceremony or something more secure.  I need this inauguration to happen.

Duuuuddde.  My friend L's ex (they share a son) works for border patrol or ICE and he called her last week and was all, "stay at home on Wednesday, don't go near the city" and all this other stuff.  Her mom works for the state and her office is downtown and it sounds like all state employees are being told to WAH Tue-Th.  

The story about vetting the national guard troops is startling.  

I truly think it needs to be done from an inside secure location and live-streamed.  I get the whole optics thing and it has to look like there is some modicum of control in our government, but I don't trust shit about any of it.  

charlotte989875

The Bills are going to the AFC Championship!! It’s been since 1994 and the entire city is excited. 

H was gone for the weekend and the baby didn’t sleep. I called my non crying Friday night and she spent the weekend with us. I’m off today and snuggles with the baby is the only thing on my agenda!

short+sassy

charlotte989875 said:

The Bills are going to the AFC Championship!! It’s been since 1994 and the entire city is excited. 

H was gone for the weekend and the baby didn’t sleep. I called my non crying Friday night and she spent the weekend with us. I’m off today and snuggles with the baby is the only thing on my agenda!

Good luck to the Bills!

@MNNEBride, Good luck to the Packers!  Tampa Bay beat my Saints yesterday, so I hope you all cream them because I'm petty like that, lol.

The rumors are this was Drew Brees last season and he is going to retire now.  No official announcements made, but that is what everyone is expecting.  Just makes yesterday feel like an extra sad game.

short+sassy

mrsconn23 said:

Paging @short+sassy, you need to do Prudie on Thursday since I won't be around.   

I can do that!  Though it's within the realm of possibility someone will need to remind me on Thurs., lol.

CharmedPam

Yeah I’m nervous about Wednesday too.  Love the idea of a closed room zoom ceremony.  It’s 2021.  We’re in a pandemic.  It’s ok to go down in history with a zoom inuguration at this point. 

@MissKittyDanger.  You are NOT crazy with that dream, and as a pagan I 100% believe your poppa was there! Nothing crazy at all.

@mrsconn23, sorry about the plans - but hey- upgraded hotel room, there’s a perk!

i also watched/finished the Night Stalker.  Without giving anything away, because like ALL serial killers who get admirers and letters behind bars, they really should examine those women who sent him something. Smh. 

Jstump2

charlotte989875 sorry you had a rough time but s I hope I can do that for my girls one day. 

charlotte989875

Jstump2 said:

charlotte989875 sorry you had a rough time but s I hope I can do that for my girls one day. 

Thanks! I had a long week at work & was exhausted. Thank god for Moms.