Dear Prudence,
I was raised in a wealthy and prominent family in a country with extreme socioeconomic disparities. My parents were violently abusive. My older sister became violent and volatile in turn. The three of them made my childhood hell. I left home for university in a more egalitarian country thousands of miles away and never returned. I secretly saved money since my family was always threatening to end their financial support unless I moved back. Several years ago, I cut off all contact after a lot of painful deliberation, and I’ve lived independently ever since. I changed my name when I got married, and my husband’s the only person who knows about my history and my family’s wealth. We have a simple, low-key lifestyle. We also have two young children. My family knows about them (because they’ve hired private investigators to gather information about me), but have never met them.
I am also now terminally ill with cancer. My husband and I have been discussing the family’s financial future as I write my will, and he raised an unpleasant but valid point: Our children may be entitled to a significant portion of my family’s fortune. I did not anticipate dying young. We had always planned to leave something for our kids, but I can’t work any longer. My husband hasn’t brought up this point again, but I can’t stop thinking about it. My relatives are racist, homophobic, violent, and manipulative. My children are not safe with them. I’m not prepared to leave my husband as the sole gatekeeper between them and the children. I don’t think any amount of money is worth being in contact with my family. But I can’t offer my husband and children financial security any longer—only medical debt. My husband is currently unable to work, since he is my sole caretaker. I’m also not ruling out the possibility of my children eventually discovering my family history simply by searching online for my maiden name. How would they feel about this?
—Affluenza Aversion