Second Weddings

Attendee etiquette

We just got engaged and started talking about wedding details. We were both married before. I was married on a beach with 25 people attending - no reception. He worked his butt off to give his ex the big wedding she wanted. We are set on having a church wedding but we haven't discussed much more than that. My question is: Did anyone throw etiquette out the window? Invite one uncle but not the others? Or a few cousins but not all? I would love to have a few of ex-husbands family there because we are still close. We are actually BOTH close to some of his exes family (even though she hates it). Just curious how it turned out! Its our day and our last wedding. We are 40 and I'm tired of worrying about whether people will be offended. I might be overthinking this but I truly want only the people who love and support us there for our big day. Thanks in advance!

Re: Attendee etiquette

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We just got engaged and started talking about wedding details. We were both married before. I was married on a beach with 25 people attending - no reception. He worked his butt off to give his ex the big wedding she wanted. We are set on having a church wedding but we haven't discussed much more than that. My question is: Did anyone throw etiquette out the window? Invite one uncle but not the others? Or a few cousins but not all? I would love to have a few of ex-husbands family there because we are still close. We are actually BOTH close to some of his exes family (even though she hates it). Just curious how it turned out! Its our day and our last wedding. We are 40 and I'm tired of worrying about whether people will be offended. I might be overthinking this but I truly want only the people who love and support us there for our big day. Thanks in advance!
    None of these are etiquette breaches. While it's generally advised to consider family dynamics when looking at groups or circles of family, there is absolutely no etiquette rule that says cousins or uncles must be all or none. You may hurt feelings and have to deal with fallout, but it has nothing to do with etiquette.

    Inviting 25 people to the beach and not bothering to offer them any reception is the only etiquette breach you mentioned. A fancy party with a big dinner and dancing all night isn't necessary, but if you can't be bothered to offer simple refreshments and socialization, you shouldn't invite them at all. 
  • Thanks!  We actually did take everyone to a restaurant for dinner - we just didn't have the "typical" reception after.  I was thinking people will be like well, she invited her exes cousin but not her own. I guess it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks!  
  • I agree with @MyNameIsNot, if you're closer to some of your ex's cousins than you are to some of your own, that's fine etiquette-wise.  My own wedding only had about 35 guests.  I invited some first cousins, but not all of them or even most of them.
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