Wedding Woes

This is annoying behavior, but the dog is probably fine.

Dear Prudence,

I am married to a lovely, kind, and funny man. Our marriage is wonderful—we both just gel when it comes to most things life throws at us. However, he’s the type who likes to fall asleep snuggling, and I can’t fall asleep if I’m being touched. Plus I feel terrible when I have to disentangle myself from a snuggle, so we sleep on our own sides of the bed. My husband does often cuddle our small dog, and she’s usually very happy to sleep in any number of ways that would be very uncomfortable for me. But there are often times when she doesn’t want to snuggle, and my husband will hold her in place. If she does wiggle away, he’ll move her right back. I’ve explained that she might need to scratch herself or stretch out, or just wants to sleep on her own corner of the bed, but she doesn’t get free until he’s totally asleep. I feel bad for the dog and guilty that I let him violate her bodily autonomy like this! Should I insist he let her sleep as she sees fit?

—Give the Dog Her Space

Re: This is annoying behavior, but the dog is probably fine.

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    The dog can speak for herself in this scenario.

    Also, dude can get a body pillow.

    I do not understand people who insist on cuddling while sleeping and silently judge them while not being touched.
  • Yah I mean when the dog bites the husband he may not be so keen to snuggle the dog. This is weird and I think LW is right that husband shouldn’t be forcing the dog (or anyone else!) to be held at night. 
  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I could have half-written this letter.  We don't have a dog.

    DH is a cuddler and needs physical touch. I hate cuddling in bed. It makes me feel suffocated.  It's hot and uncomfortable and I will never fall asleep in that position.  I don't mind sitting next to him on the couch and putting my legs on his or leaning against his shoulder/chest.  When I'm ready to go to bed, I want to settle in and go to sleep. I need my space to do this.  I do try to be aware and initiate hugs and kisses or ask DH to sit next to me on the couch, but I get touched out very easily.  On weekend mornings, I'll roll into his back and either throw my arm around him or scratch his back. 

    I don't think DH would force cuddles on our imaginary dog.  I think he'd let them snuggle up to him, but if the dog wanted to move around, he'd let it go. 
  • Something else the LW could point out to her H is that, if he keeps forcing the dog to cuddle him when she isn't in the mood, then the dog will start to see cuddles as a punishment and won't ever want to do it.  

    I agree with @banana468 that he should try a body pillow.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This dude needs a teddy bear. 

    The dog is going to get pissed and nip him, especially when it gets older and isn't as comfortable being contorted into weird positions. 
  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 7
    Get him a body pillow or a teddy bear if he needs something to snuggle at night. Let the dog sleep move around so she doesn't feel trapped.
  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    This sounds like my dog's idea of heaven.  She is like the husband in this scenario.  She wants all the cuddles, all the time, and wants to sleep on top of me.  I do not like anything living snuggled up to me when I'm ready to sleep.

    So, I'll find this LW and we will trade dogs.  Problems solved!

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