Bridal Shower Date Conflict

knottie9dd9e26c35fa8178

I got engaged in March and the wedding is planned for late October, so there’s little time to have all of the necessary pre-wedding parties. To make matters worse, I work every other weekend, so that cuts any possible time in half. 

My Bridesmaids were able to all agree on a date for my bridal shower... August 7. 

Here’s the problem...My future in-laws have had a family vacation (which I was invited to) planned for a year that spans from August 4th-11th. 

They’ll obviously not cancel their long-awaited trip, but there’s no other date that we can have the shower. 

What do I do? What/how do I tell them? I’m petrified! Please help!

flantastic

knottie9dd9e26c35fa8178 said:

I got engaged in March and the wedding is planned for late October, so there’s little time to have all of the necessary pre-wedding parties. To make matters worse, I work every other weekend, so that cuts any possible time in half. 

My Bridesmaids were able to all agree on a date for my bridal shower... August 7. 

Here’s the problem...My future in-laws have had a family vacation (which I was invited to) planned for a year that spans from August 4th-11th. 

They’ll obviously not cancel their long-awaited trip, but there’s no other date that we can have the shower. 

What do I do? What/how do I tell them? I’m petrified! Please help!

The bolded is one solution. A bridal shower is not a necessity. It is fine to tell your BMs, "Thank you so much for offering, but I just don't think it's going to work out to have a shower."

Another solution is that your BMs throw you a shower and whoever can come comes. I did not really want a bridal shower, but my MIL and her neighbor really wanted to throw one. My own mother and sister/MOH did not come, because it was a long trip and I told them I honestly did not mind. Sometimes conflicts happen. If your ILs really want to be at a shower, they are welcome to offer to throw another with a different "set" of wedding guests.

banana468

Why is that literally the only weekend?

Can you see if any others are possible and advise your MIL?  This seems to be a big recipe for disaster.  Can you swap weekends for work?

ILoveBeachMusic

flantastic said:

knottie9dd9e26c35fa8178 said:

I got engaged in March and the wedding is planned for late October, so there’s little time to have all of the necessary pre-wedding parties. To make matters worse, I work every other weekend, so that cuts any possible time in half. 

My Bridesmaids were able to all agree on a date for my bridal shower... August 7. 

Here’s the problem...My future in-laws have had a family vacation (which I was invited to) planned for a year that spans from August 4th-11th. 

They’ll obviously not cancel their long-awaited trip, but there’s no other date that we can have the shower. 

What do I do? What/how do I tell them? I’m petrified! Please help!

The bolded is one solution. A bridal shower is not a necessity. It is fine to tell your BMs, "Thank you so much for offering, but I just don't think it's going to work out to have a shower."

Another solution is that your BMs throw you a shower and whoever can come comes. I did not really want a bridal shower, but my MIL and her neighbor really wanted to throw one. My own mother and sister/MOH did not come, because it was a long trip and I told them I honestly did not mind. Sometimes conflicts happen. If your ILs really want to be at a shower, they are welcome to offer to throw another with a different "set" of wedding guests.

My MIL and SILs (who were in my BP) didn't attend any of my showers - no big deal. They were invited but chose not to attend. I have no idea to this day (38 years later) why my MIL didn't attend but figure my one sister in law was in college and couldn't get away and the other was a teacher and couldn't get away either (they were both out of town from the showers). They are still my sister in laws and still were part of the bridal party. 

downtondiva

You either need to find another weekend or decline a shower entirely. Having it that day is pretty much automatically excluding your in-laws. It's one thing if they choose not to attend, but this is almost like not inviting them and could cause some serious hurt feelings.

banana468

downtondiva said:

You either need to find another weekend or decline a shower entirely. Having it that day is pretty much automatically excluding your in-laws. It's one thing if they choose not to attend, but this is almost like not inviting them and could cause some serious hurt feelings.

That's pretty much where I am. 

And in addition, it can add further fuel to the fire because it isn't just the IL's vacation but the OP is invited.  Continuing with the shower on that date can send the message, "A better offer than your vacation came along and I won't be attending," and I think that's a REALLY bad message to send. 

I'd try to figure out again if there may be another date that works because IMO the one picked is a non-starter. 

maine7mob

Can it be on a weekday evening? If not, and your schedule really is that tight, it will be best to decline the shower. They aren't necessary and it is way, way more important to get off on the right foot with your future in laws. They will be your family, after all, and your friends will be fine not hosting a shower.

I know there are traditions that seem like they are obligatory, but there are literally no required pre-wedding parties. You can get married without a shower, bachelorette, or rehearsal dinner.