I should start off by saying I am a very quiet, go-with-the-flow kind of person who does not like to be the center of attention. I’ve never had birthday parties or anything growing up and I’ve always felt undeserving when anyone makes a big deal over me for something. That beating said, ever since I got engaged to my fiancé I have been looking forward to our wedding SO much. And part of that excitement is looking forward to feeling special for that one day and having everyone’s attention - in particular the attention of my future in laws.
I love my fiancé’s family. They’re all really great people - and his mom and I are great together. Ive known them all for years. The only person I can’t get along with his my fiancé’s brothers wife, Meg (who has been in the family less time than I have). She has a polar opposite personality to me and we just don’t mesh. I’ve always felt like I’m in competition with her to be the favorite daughter in law (and future daughter in law). Everyone cried at her wedding and made a huge deal of it. They talked for months about how perfect it was. She’s loud and funny and outgoing and outspoken and blunt. They all think she’s amazing and they love her. To be fair - They feel the same way about me, but I make a conscious effort to be sweet and helpful and kind and gain everyone’s affection. Meg just exists and everyone loves her. So I’ve always been jealous of that and I’ve always been trying to win everyone’s affection.
Anyways, for the last 7 months I’ve been picturing my fiancé’s family being so happy at our wedding: crying at our vows or first dance, his mom getting ready with the bridal party, his brother giving a moving best man speech, etc. I’ve even pictured his extended family (who I’m close with) in that way. My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and planning the whole thing. His mom has been helping give her input here and there which I've really liked too. I’ve liked feeling like she cares and is exited. This has been such a fun time up until now.
A month ago Meg announced that she’s pregnant with the first grandchild in the family. That’s great news and I’m genuinely happy for her and my future brother in law. But it turns out that the first time everyone will get to meet the new baby will be at our wedding. And now that’s all anyone can talk about.
My fiancé’s mom has only spoken of our wedding since then in relation to the baby: how exited she is to meet the baby, how she’s going to have so much fun the week of our wedding getting to be with the baby. She even asked me if we could have our wedding photographer do a special photoshoot of Meg’s family with the baby and all the generations of grandparents and all AT the wedding!
Maybe I’m a horrible person for feeling this way, but I can’t help feeling so jealous and sad about this. The one day that I wanted to feel special is now no longer about me. It’s about the first baby and Meg. Everyone’s attention has been stolen. I’m old news. I’m not important if I’m not the mother of the first grandchild.
I’ve been trying for a month to deal with my feelings and get okay. But I haven’t been able to. Every time my fiancé’s family talks about the baby and how they can’t wait to meet him/her at the wedding it feels like a punch in the gut.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with these feelings and stop being sad that my one day is being overshadowed? I hate myself for feeling this way.