Should I make them bridesmaids?

rlm3286

I just got engaged after 7 years of dating (yay!) and we are set to have our wedding next summer. My fiance is the youngest of 3 boys. His oldest brother is married and just had a kid, and the middle brother got engaged a month before us (that was filled with drama and brotherly fighting...  a story for another time, but I haven't talk to either of them since it happened). Should I make the wife and fiance members of my bridal party? I have the space, but I want to be respectful of the fact one is also planning a wedding and one has a 6 month old. We aren't particularly close, but apart from the engagement drama, we're all friendly. We all live in different states so we don't see each other often and I was hoping we could bond through the process.

ILoveBeachMusic

Your bridal party should be your closest friends so if you aren't close to them I wouldn't ask them to be in the party. They can be invited to your bachelorette if you have one and of course included in a shower if you have one. They are honored just by being guests at your wedding and included in family photos.

MobKaz

rlm3286 said:

I just got engaged after 7 years of dating (yay!) and we are set to have our wedding next summer. My fiance is the youngest of 3 boys. His oldest brother is married and just had a kid, and the middle brother got engaged a month before us (that was filled with drama and brotherly fighting...  a story for another time, but I haven't talk to either of them since it happened). Should I make the wife and fiance members of my bridal party? I have the space, but I want to be respectful of the fact one is also planning a wedding and one has a 6 month old. We aren't particularly close, but apart from the engagement drama, we're all friendly. We all live in different states so we don't see each other often and I was hoping we could bond through the process.

There is no reason to feel obliged to ask family members, or extended family members to be in your wedding party.  One family is adjusting to parenthood.  They have no idea what next summer will bring them in terms of time or finances.  It sounds as if they will already be required to travel for the wedding.  Odds are they may have difficulty traveling for any wedding related events, such as a shower.  The other couple is navigating the wedding process themselves.  Their time and interest will be devoted to their own wedding planning.

If you ask the future sister-in-law to be in your wedding party, then that creates a cycle for her to perhaps feel obligated to ask you in return.  The concept of "bonding" because of a shared experience is often exaggerated and/or a misconception.

I would recommend you ask your true nearest and dearest friends and family.  Bear in mind as well that if you would be asking them IN ADDITION to who you already plan to ask, you are also increasing costs to you and your FI.  If your wedding is not until next summer, there is no reason to make this decision right now.  Typically it is suggested you not ask until closer to 9 months out from the wedding.  You have time to think about it.

downtondiva

You should ask people you already feel close to to be in your wedding party - I wouldn't recommend using this as a chance to bond with these women. You don't have to ask them to be bridesmaids if there are other people you'd rather ask, nor do "sides" of the wedding party have to be even if you are concerned about that. I'd say just keep being friendly and include them on the invite list for any pre-wedding events like a shower or bachelorette party. 

short+sassy

If you aren't especially close to these women, don't ask them.  There is no obligation to do that, just because they are married/dating your FI's brothers.  It won't necessarily be a bonding experience.  Even worse, it could backfire and cause a rift.

Your WP should be your nearest and dearest friends.  In addition, don't ask anyone right now because friendships can change over a long period of time.  Like @MobKaz mentioned, wait until you are about 9 months out before asking.

Jen4948

I would limit the people you ask to those to whom you are already close. If that doesn't include future in-laws or extended family members, then that's how it goes. You're under no obligation to ask anyone.

To reiterate PPs above, wait until about 9 months before your wedding. Determine whom you're closest to and ask those people. 

maine7mob

I know that the conventional advice is to ask only those people who have been closest to you in the past to be in your party, but it's not a bad idea to ask those who will be in your future extended family to be in your WP.  Don't leave out people who have been your closest friends to do this, but it's not weird or wrong to include your future family if your have room. Sometimes it can be an investment in your future relationships.

ei34

I didn’t include my fiancé at the time sisters in my BP.  That was strictly for my nearest and dearest.  We got along fine but they weren’t my best friends. 

Jen4948

maine7mob said:

I know that the conventional advice is to ask only those people who have been closest to you in the past to be in your party, but it's not a bad idea to ask those who will be in your future extended family to be in your WP.  Don't leave out people who have been your closest friends to do this, but it's not weird or wrong to include your future family if your have room. Sometimes it can be an investment in your future relationships.

In and of itself it isn't wrong, but if you don't know your FSILs well or just aren't close, unfortunately, you're stuck once you ask them to be your bridesmaids. You can't unask them. So it's better to just ask people whom you won't end up wishing you never asked to be your bridesmaids in the first place. Of course there's no guarantee that this won't end up being the case with a close friend or relative of your own, but the odds are much higher when you choose someone to whom you don't feel close solely out of a sense of self-imposed obligation simply because they are related to your FI.