After going to pre-marriage counselling, my boyfriend admitted that he had thought he loved me, but after listening to us talk he realized that his feelings for me were not the same as most people. He enjoys my company and would miss me if I died, but wouldn’t be devastated.
I married him anyway. I thought I could fix him, but I couldn’t. Despite that, I am happy. I love him and he treats me well, we have fun all the time. I was worried he would cheat or leave me, but he says that he doesn’t think he is capable of loving anyone “like that” and that our situation is beneficial enough he can’t see any good reason to put it on the line. (He likes me, we have a lot in common, and divorce is very expensive and stressful.)
The problem we now have is—should we have children? He would like to, and is excellent with my nephews who adore him, but he is unsure if it would be fair to the child. He grew up in foster homes and says it was scary to know that you weren’t a priority in a parental figure’s life. I think that if we don’t tell the child he doesn’t love them, that they won’t even know. I didn’t! On the other hand, I will reluctantly admit I do sort of feel that he might be “fixed” by a child of his own. So that influences me (even though he would rather adopt).
Obviously, there is a lot to work out, but is there any point? Would it just be harmful to bring a child into the world whose father knows up front he will only ever like them?
— Wannabe Mom