Wedding Etiquette Forum

Rude wedding guests? Am I wrong on this?

Hello, our wedding was last month and I know there is always things you look back on and would change, I'm more-so needing to vent and see if I am handling this situation appropriately. 
Here's a bit of background before I address the situation:
My husband's brother, and his wife never liked us together nor never personally liked me (for unknown reasons, all I've been is nice to them the rare occasions we see them) Me and my now husband have been together 5 years before we got married.
They were involved friend group we decided to leave due to the toxicity and drama that was constantly happening (they would try and break us up, post things about me on social media, run to husbands mom with lies and rumors about me, his brother and wife were involved in all of this!) 

We decided to still invite them because things were going well and we have been civil for quite some time, and it's his brother so there was more reason to give them a chance. 
During the reception, we had a open bar, we spent a lot of time and money on the bar and providing ng a assortment of alcohol (we had wine, beer, mixed drinks, you name it) 

I found out they brought a huge cooler to the reception, with THEIR own cups and liquor, without even asking us. 
They were requesting so many songs during dancing that barely any of the music we picked out got played, and they kept bumping people off the dance floor so it was just them! (This caused for a lot of guests to leave early) 
His brother boo'd us off the stage during the generation dance, then bragged about how him and his wife got married before us. 
In the wedding video, he would only clap for certain people in the wedding party that he knew and that was it. 

What's your advice on this? I've been self evaluating to see if I'm wrong on this but this honestly made me wish I didn't invite them. 

Re: Rude wedding guests? Am I wrong on this?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello, our wedding was last month and I know there is always things you look back on and would change, I'm more-so needing to vent and see if I am handling this situation appropriately. 
    Here's a bit of background before I address the situation:
    My husband's brother, and his wife never liked us together nor never personally liked me (for unknown reasons, all I've been is nice to them the rare occasions we see them) Me and my now husband have been together 5 years before we got married.
    They were involved friend group we decided to leave due to the toxicity and drama that was constantly happening (they would try and break us up, post things about me on social media, run to husbands mom with lies and rumors about me, his brother and wife were involved in all of this!) 

    We decided to still invite them because things were going well and we have been civil for quite some time, and it's his brother so there was more reason to give them a chance. 
    During the reception, we had a open bar, we spent a lot of time and money on the bar and providing ng a assortment of alcohol (we had wine, beer, mixed drinks, you name it) 

    I found out they brought a huge cooler to the reception, with THEIR own cups and liquor, without even asking us. 
    They were requesting so many songs during dancing that barely any of the music we picked out got played, and they kept bumping people off the dance floor so it was just them! (This caused for a lot of guests to leave early) 
    His brother boo'd us off the stage during the generation dance, then bragged about how him and his wife got married before us. 
    In the wedding video, he would only clap for certain people in the wedding party that he knew and that was it. 

    What's your advice on this? I've been self evaluating to see if I'm wrong on this but this honestly made me wish I didn't invite them. 

    Some of this stuff is just silly, but some isn't. 

    I found out they brought a huge cooler to the reception, with THEIR own cups and liquor, without even asking us. That was inappropriate, but it should have been handled when it happened. You or your venue staff should have noticed and had them remove it. There's really no value in bringing it up now. 
    They were requesting so many songs during dancing that barely any of the music we picked out got played, This is a failing on the part of your DJ. A good DJ knows how to blow off excessive requests.  and they kept bumping people off the dance floor so it was just them! (This caused for a lot of guests to leave early)  Getting physical with people is a problem and I'm really surprised that more didn't come of it at the time. Did neither you nor your husband notice this happening? Did the DJ or other staff not see this going on?  Why would so many guests just leave without saying anything to anyone?
    His brother boo'd us off the stage during the generation dance, You shouldn't have left the stage because he boo'd you.    then bragged about how him and his wife got married before us. This really doesn't matter.
    In the wedding video, he would only clap for certain people in the wedding party that he knew and that was it. This also doesn't matter. The fact that you're looking in the video to see when he claps is extremely petty. 

    For the most part, you need to let this go. He was obnoxious, but there's really nothing gained from hanging on to it. Put some distance between you and him, but also think about why you and your husband didn't act at the time. e.g. Saying something about the boo'ing in the moment would have been much easier than carrying it with you. 

    The only thing that's really worth mentioning now is physically pushing people off the dance floor. I don't think you're going to get an apology or feel better about it, but any time someone gets physical I think it's worth calling out. 
    banana468downtondivashort+sassy
  • He's not going to get an award for his behavior but I think you need to leave what's done in the past.  


    charlotte989875short+sassy
  • Vent away!  An anonymous forum is the best place for that.

    You aren't wrong, some of your BIL's behavior was outrageous.  If it's any consolation, I bet all the guests who knew him before the wedding, now see him in a different and very negative light.

    It sounds like you and your husband are already low contact with him.  It's up to you all but, I'd opt for the only contact being when you all are at the same family function.
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