This is a hill to die on?
Dear Prudence,
My lovely wife and I are in a fairly low-stakes argument that’s getting worse now that Christmas is coming up. Years ago, we adopted a little mixed-breed pup, and she’s the love of our lives (especially because we don’t have kids and don’t plan on it). My wife has become obsessed over the last few months about getting the dog DNA tested. I think it’s a waste of money. It would be $250-300 for a high quality one that will give us medical results as well, which is cool, but I don’t care enough about the dog’s heritage to drop the cash.
My wife would pay for it herself but she can’t. She’s not working right now, and I’m the breadwinner. I pay for everything (all bills, food, gas, dates, etc.) except her little stuff, like if she needs new clothes or gets coffee. It wouldn’t be wise for her to dip into her savings to pay for a dog DNA test. She’s become even more attached to the dog (didn’t think that was possible) than ever since losing her job, and I think this is just part of that weirdness. I never make her feel bad that I pay for everything, and she’s never expressed any shame as she contributes majorly around the house and with our pets, so I don’t think it has to do with that.
I feel like an asshole in part because I have some clothes items to be returned that could easily cover the cost of the test. The money isn’t the problem—I just think it’s a stupid thing to spend it on. She brings it up once every other week at this point, and I’m tired of it. Should I give in and get it for her? Or not budge because it’s the dumbest purchase ever?!
— I Don’t Want to DNA Test the Dog
Re: This is a hill to die on?
But this is something that is obviously really important to her. And apparently he just spent at least that much on clothes. Did he get her permission to spend that much on his clothes? I'm getting the impression he didn't. So, yeah LW, that does make you TA.
FWIW, I think it's a stupid purchase also. Only because I've been super tempted to order one of these for my own pound puppy. But, every time I've done the research, what I've uncovered say they are basically total crap and very inaccurate. And the more breeds that are mixed into a dog, the more inaccurate they are.
But if it gives her some emotional comfort to be able to say, "Look! Our sweet girl is part Dalmation, Toy Poodle, and Rottweiler," than $300 is a small price to pay to help with her mental health. Which sounds like it is suffering since she lost her job.
To my H and I, our dog Izzy has the coloring, size, and face that is similar to a Boston Terrier. But then she has much longer fur. "Izzy, where do get your medium-length fur from?"
For reference:
Meh. It's not the best picture to give an idea of what she looks like. But it's the one I have handy.
The ear you can see almost always stays flopped down. But her other one is so funny when it's on high alert and sticking up, because proportion-wise, it's just a little too big for the rest of her face. I think her extra big ears, with the off-kilter one up and one down, makes her look especially cute. But it's hard to capture good pics of her because she will rarely look at the camera.
Also, the LW mentions it is ramping up with Christmas coming up. So maybe their spouse wants this as a Christmas present. Is LW one of those annoying gift givers that only gives something they actually want?
I wouldn't spend the money on the dog DNA test myself, and I get why you're reluctant, but it sounds like your wife is struggling right now, and if this would make her happier for whatever reason, I think it might be worth it. Whatever you decide to do, though, quit being so judgmental.
But it could also just be a difference in how these two people manage money. I semi-frequent a variety of "money/personal finance" types of forums and there are people who do this.
I realize this isn't this person. But I highly recommend this type of strategy, even if it's temporary, for people who have trouble making ends meet and staying on budget. It can be eye-opening how often people spend 5 and 10 bucks without really thinking about it.
Me personally, it would drive me nuts and be a part-time job if I kept track of my finances to the penny! But I do keep just about every receipt, even small ones. And I do have a few complex budgeting spreadsheets that capture every, single one of my regular bills. Plus categories for expenses that vary by the month. I have one category called "slush" and THAT is my category to account for all the piddly stuff that I don't want to keep track of, to the penny.
Too late for your friend of a friend. But, if she's a "to the penny" budgeter and it drove her H crazy, a compromise would have been to set up a bank account...kind of like my "on paper" slush account...that is just for minor purchases. They could have agreed on a monthly amount that is deposited into it. She writes off that amount in her budget. And he doesn't have to provide a receipt, when he uses that account.
I do make sure that Hubby is okay with it though. The way he did finances felt a little suffocating, so I took over and we are both happier about it.