Wedding Woes

Take it to an appraiser.

Dear Prudence,

Some years ago, my mom randomly gave me a ring. The ring was her first big purchase for herself after she started working. It’s got a gold band, small diamond, and a sapphire set in platinum. I’m not into it and have never worn it. Lately, as I’ve been planning for my future, I’ve been wondering if I should sell it. I’m not a fan of holding onto things that don’t have meaning to me, and I’m trying to both pay off student loans and save to move across the country. How would I go about figuring out how much it’s worth and selling it? Should I share these thoughts with my mom?

— Ring Cha-Ching

Re: Take it to an appraiser.

  • This is a tough one for me- sure the LW can do with the ring what they like, but what’s the risk if your Mom asks about it? 

    I’d say get it appraised- it might not be worth as much as you think it is. But also think long term- when your Mom is no longer here how would you feel about having sold this? I’d say get it reset, made into a necklace/ bracelet/ earrings that you would wear. 
  • At first, I read the title as "take it to an appetizer".  Then I reread it and was disappointed we weren't going to be talking about Buffalo wings or bruschetta.

    I'm with @STARMOON44.  Jewelry massively loses it's value when it is sold secondhand or sold to a pawn shop.  The LW probably wouldn't get much for it anyway, so I don't think they should hurt their mother's feelings.  Either turn it into a piece of jewelry they would like.  Or wait until she has passed on and then sell it.

    Plus, it's a ring.  Not a dining room table.  So it doesn't take much space and can just be left in a jewelry box.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • She's never worn it and doesn't speak of any issue with mom re: that.  I'd sell it and just not tell my mother unless it somehow came up.  If it did, I used it to buy my freedom, just like my mother bought it to celebrate hers.

    i know that sounds heartless, but my mother and I have recently had a CTJ talk about jewelry and some other things that definitely to my mother mean status and success, but don't mean those things to me at all and honestly, sometimes resent having to remember to use/wear the gifts for her.  She has bought me some really expensive jewelry in the past that I do enjoy, but rarely wear.  I finally discussed with her that I appreciate her thinking of me in such a manner, but these things don't have the value to me that they do to her, it's not really a status symbol in modern times in my circle of professionalism or personal life, and I'd really rather gifts like X, Y, and Z, or just sharing a dinner or something else. 
  • Definitely get it appraised. The value may help make this decision for you, and if you decide to keep it you probably need an appraisal for insurance. 

    In my relationship with my mom, I'd discuss with her but probably sell it assuming it was worth enough to make a difference in student loans. But that's highly subjective based on relationships. 
  • My mother gave my several rings that were not my style. After telling her that, she agreed that I should have them reset into things that I would wear. I did and do enjoy wearing those pieces. DD doesn't like all the pieces but she will inherit them someday and can reset them if she wants or I might leave them to grandchildren. I would definitely talk to mother about it before selling it. If LW sells it, then the mother finds out there could be some hurt feelings.
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