Wedding Woes

How about start with asking your wife?

Dear Prudence,

My wife, Jenny, has recently been diagnosed with cancer. Prognosis is cautiously hopeful, but the last few months have started me wondering if I should broach the long-ignored fact that my eldest (who is 15) maybe isn’t biologically mine.

The thing was that when Jenny got pregnant, we both knew that her family would kick her out, whereas mine would be more willing to help out. Especially since I was going to juvie for a while. So even though there were two other guys it might have been (neither of us were exclusive, or smart, looking back) we just said it was mine. When I got home, Ronnie was a few months old, the apple of everyone’s eye, and I think Jenny had just gotten used to the idea he was mine. We never talked about the fact he maybe wasn’t again.

I could have raised the subject too, I know, but I didn’t want to. My whole life I’d been a loser and now there was this little person that just loved me. It was the best thing I’d ever felt. He’s the reason I got anywhere in life. I don’t think he’s biologically mine—when we tried to have more children, it wasn’t possible, and we adopted our daughter—but as far as I’m concerned he is my son.

The possibility that my wife might not have the outcome we hope has, though, made me wonder if we owe it to Ronnie to tell him the truth. Or find out the truth. It just seems that if we’re ever going to it should be while his mom is here to answer his questions and help him track down his biological family. Or would it be better to let sleeping dogs lie? The last thing either of them need in the middle of all this is the thought that I’m looking to hand him off to someone else if the worst happens.

— DNA or Dad

Re: How about start with asking your wife?

  • I'm team "If he's your son, he's your son." 

    I guess I could see why you might want to figure this out, but now is not the time. Your family has enough stress. 
  • Hopefully Jenny keeps winning against the cancer fight and gets better.  I do think they should have this discussion at some point with the son because these secrets always seem to come out.  But, for goodness sake, now is not the time!

    It's letters like these that make me wonder about people.  "Dear Prudie, we've kept this secret from our son his whole life, but should we tell him now when his life is already in the worst turmoil ever?"
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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