Matron of Honor HELP

knottie74e109012f271f6c

Hi all, looking for a little advice. 

I chose my best friend as my one bridesmaid and I feel like she's being a dead-beat MOH. Yes she has helped put out some fires, put together some of my wedding music, was there when I bought my dress but she has also had a lot going on for months now and has been hyper focused on her issues. I've been the best friend I could be to her and to let her know I'm there, listen, etc but lately it's been too much. I spoke to her a few weeks back and told her how I felt and she was initially defensive but then felt bad...said she would try harder. Anyway, fast forward she offered to plan a bachelorette for me and has been talking to be about finances on how she's saving up so we can do whatever we want that weekend, etc and I feel uncomfortable. The vibe between us has been weird lately...last week I told her I was unsure about a couple people I invited and she told me she doesn't like them. We've been friends for almost 10yrs and I guess I didn't realize how self-centered she is until now. She does have a lot going on though...lost her dad in October and her brother is suicidal. HELP! I don't want this to sound selfish, but I feel like she is sucking the fun out of an already stressful time for me. Is there a polite way to tell her I changed my mind about a bridesmaid without her getting offended? I feel she has too much going on to even be there to support me. 

This has been the wedding from the hell for me and it's very sad that it's my own. 

geebee908

knottie74e109012f271f6c said:

Hi all, looking for a little advice. 

I chose my best friend as my one bridesmaid and I feel like she's being a dead-beat MOH. Yes she has helped put out some fires, put together some of my wedding music, was there when I bought my dress but she has also had a lot going on for months now and has been hyper focused on her issues. I've been the best friend I could be to her and to let her know I'm there, listen, etc but lately it's been too much. I spoke to her a few weeks back and told her how I felt and she was initially defensive but then felt bad...said she would try harder. Anyway, fast forward she offered to plan a bachelorette for me and has been talking to be about finances on how she's saving up so we can do whatever we want that weekend, etc and I feel uncomfortable. The vibe between us has been weird lately...last week I told her I was unsure about a couple people I invited and she told me she doesn't like them. We've been friends for almost 10yrs and I guess I didn't realize how self-centered she is until now. She does have a lot going on though...lost her dad in October and her brother is suicidal. HELP! I don't want this to sound selfish, but I feel like she is sucking the fun out of an already stressful time for me. Is there a polite way to tell her I changed my mind about a bridesmaid without her getting offended? I feel she has too much going on to even be there to support me. 

This has been the wedding from the hell for me and it's very sad that it's my own. 

Your friend is the self-centered one? Your MOH is not your bridal slave; it's supposed to be about having the ones you love standing up with you as you get married. There isn't any more to it than that. Anything else that's offered is a bonus you should be especially grateful for.

You've undoubtedly put a damper on the friendship by letting your bridezilla come out and making everything about your wedding and your expectations. If it's the wedding from hell, you have to ask yourself why that is. Are your expectations unreasonable? It's just a party in the end, one that only you and your fiance are responsible for planning; you're planning a one-day party to celebrate your marriage with all your loved ones. Focus on helping them have a great time and you'll have a great time also.

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with PP you are not being a friend. FFS her dad died and her brother is suicidal. Of course she isn't prioritizing your wedding! If you want to end the friendship, asking her to step down is a friendship ending mood. If upon further reflection and you are sorry for how you have treated her, apologize and hope the friendship can be salvaged.

knottie74e109012f271f6c

Wow! I think ya'll totally misunderstood me. I'm not asking for much, just some support and help. 

geebee908

knottie74e109012f271f6c said:

Wow! I think ya'll totally misunderstood me. I'm not asking for much, just some support and help. 

That's your fiance's role, not your bridesmaids'. How much support and help have you been to your friend? It sounds like she's been going through much harder times.

MyNameIsNot

knottie74e109012f271f6c said:

Wow! I think ya'll totally misunderstood me. I'm not asking for much, just some support and help. 

Yes you are!  You are saying she's not doing enough when she's going dress shopping with you, put together music and throwing a party! Those are more than enough.

Your friend is mourning her father and trying to deal with a suicidal brother, and you are upset that she's not focused on you. You are being incredibly selfish. If you were any kind of a friend, you'd be figuring out how you could support her right now, not the other way around. 

Honestly, this has got to be fake. 

flantastic

I don't think they misunderstood. You have some serious wedding blinders on.

downtondiva

Even if your MOH didn't have as much going on as she does, she isn't obligated to be your "support and help" as you plan your wedding. It's nice if the wedding party offers to help, but ultimately, it is up to you and your fiancé to plan your wedding. 

And since your MOH does have a lot going on in her life, I think you are being particularly selfish and unfair. It's ridiculous to complain to someone that they're not invested enough in your wedding when they are grieving the loss of a parent and dealing with a suicidal family member. Don't you realize how stressful and scary that must be for her? You owe her an apology. 

levioosa

This is MUD, right? You cannot seriously be this shallow. 

MobKaz

levioosa said:

This is MUD, right? You cannot seriously be this shallow. 

I'm thinking this post is real.  This poster also now has NO intentions of sending an invitation to people for whom she sent a STD.  She's hoping to change jobs, thinking that will put her in the clear! 

banana468

"I get that your brother is suicidal but come on.  I'm getting MARRIED!!" 

climbingsingle

OP, I think you need to a long, hard look at yourself and how you've treated your friend. Her father died, her brother is ill, and you're upset she's sucking the fun out of your wedding?! 

As another poster said, she's not your bridal slave or employee. Your fiancé is the one that should be supporting you and helping you plan. 

You owe your friend a huge apology. And honestly if I were her, I wouldn't want to continue a friendship with you.