I am a MOH am I expected to fly to the shower? Please help!!

knottie075a3f1b7f5a585a

Bare with me this is kind of a long one. I am a MOH to my friend who lives in Florida with me. Recently after discussing plans she let me know that she would like to have her shower near where she grew up in Chicago since her family still lives around there. She told me that she doesn’t want her mom paying for a dime for anything, which i totally understand. I am so honored to be her MOH and want her shower to be beautiful but I am so stressed and anxious over how quickly the cost of things are adding up. We are traveling from Florida up north for her bach which I’m so excited about! But she is expecting me to plan, pay and travel for her shower in Chicago. This is a place I have never been and no nothing about. So now I’m expected to pay for venue, food, drinks, plane ticket, and hotel. Is this right? I don’t want to be a bad MOH or cheap by any means and I want to make it great but I just didn’t know if this seemed normal! She also let me know I can stay at her moms, which is so nice! But that makes me a bit uncomfortable and I think I would be best getting a hotel room. I offered to throw it locally in Florida where we live and also asked to maybe do it on the last day of the bach party since we will be in beautiful area but she wasn’t interested in that at all. I know I will also be splitting the cost of the shower with the bach party but these are her friends from Chicago who i don’t know and I’m not sure if they are aware that they will be paying for this shower (usually my friends mothers and family’s pay for the shower and we chip in $100 for something + gift) but this will be way more involved then that. Also for her bach her friends in the bridal party had to pay me in installments for the party which helped me get a gage on everyone’s financial situation. Sorry for being so long winded but I need Help!!! What do I do?

ILoveBeachMusic

The bride shouldn't be dictating anything about the shower except the list and appropriate dates. She also shouldn't be expecting you to do anything. MOH isn't a job of party planning. If you want to throw a shower and/or a bach party, tell her what you can afford. If you don't want to do one or either, explain that you can be in charge of the event. Her friends should in no way should be invited to a party, expected to pay and not know about that in advance. People aren't suppose to pay for a party they are attending. Let her know what you can do and if she isn't ok with that, tell her someone else should be handling the planning.

MyNameIsNot

You need to stand up for yourself. Bride is being extremely pushy and trying to take advantage of you. You offered to throw her a shower in Florida, which is quite generous. If she doesn't want that, it's fine, but it doesn't mean she can demand that you throw a party in New York. You need to tell her no. 

A MOH should never be expected to throw a shower. Often MOHs offer to do that, but it is voluntary and within the location/time/budget that MOH chooses to set (if it's cohosted with other members of the WP, they also set budget). You are not a bad friend if you don't kowtow to your friend's absurd expectations. 

knottiee3bf848711fd28a1

 

geebee908

knottie075a3f1b7f5a585a said:

Bare with me this is kind of a long one. I am a MOH to my friend who lives in Florida with me. Recently after discussing plans she let me know that she would like to have her shower near where she grew up in Chicago since her family still lives around there. She told me that she doesn’t want her mom paying for a dime for anything, which i totally understand. I am so honored to be her MOH and want her shower to be beautiful but I am so stressed and anxious over how quickly the cost of things are adding up. We are traveling from Florida up north for her bach which I’m so excited about! But she is expecting me to plan, pay and travel for her shower in Chicago. This is a place I have never been and no nothing about. So now I’m expected to pay for venue, food, drinks, plane ticket, and hotel. Is this right? I don’t want to be a bad MOH or cheap by any means and I want to make it great but I just didn’t know if this seemed normal! She also let me know I can stay at her moms, which is so nice! But that makes me a bit uncomfortable and I think I would be best getting a hotel room. I offered to throw it locally in Florida where we live and also asked to maybe do it on the last day of the bach party since we will be in beautiful area but she wasn’t interested in that at all. I know I will also be splitting the cost of the shower with the bach party but these are her friends from Chicago who i don’t know and I’m not sure if they are aware that they will be paying for this shower (usually my friends mothers and family’s pay for the shower and we chip in $100 for something + gift) but this will be way more involved then that. Also for her bach her friends in the bridal party had to pay me in installments for the party which helped me get a gage on everyone’s financial situation. Sorry for being so long winded but I need Help!!! What do I do?

Why doesn't she want her mother to spend anything on it? Honestly, if her family in Chicago really wants a bridal shower up there, then one of her family members will offer to host a shower; it's not something you should be expected to do and especially not be told how you'll be spending your money. Just tell the bride it's not something you can afford to do right now.

knottiee3bf848711fd28a1