I am an autistic lesbian, and I need help getting over a friend. “Friend” might be an oversimplification. “Jane” and I met five years ago when she was my college professor. In the years since I graduated, we’ve become friends. (We had an explicit conversation about this, like, “Hey, we had an instructor/student dynamic—are we OK with transitioning to a friend dynamic?”) Because of my autism, I don’t make friends easily, so Jane is one of only a few truly good friends I have.
My problem is that I also have romantic feelings for Jane and haven’t been able to get rid of them. It’s honestly frustrating. When I go on a date with someone, I think, They’re not Jane. Apparently, if I want to have a relationship with someone who isn’t Jane, I need to get over Jane first.
An obvious solution would be if Jane turned out to have similar feelings for me, but I doubt she does. We have an age gap (I’m 23 and she’s 38), and I don’t think she’s interested in women. Another solution is to put some distance between Jane and me, but I don’t want to lose our current friendship!
So: What do I do? How do I get over her while remaining her friend? Can I date around until I find someone who doesn’t make me think “Not Jane”? Maybe finding someone else is the best way to get over Jane romantically, but that also feels dishonest.