Wedding Woes

You've done enough to try and fix this. Don't move in with her.

Dear Prudence,

I am in my early 20s and living with two roommates. Roommate 1, “Jane” is clean, considerate, and a close friend from college. Roommate 2, “Anne,” was also a close friend from college, but was a terrible roommate—inconsiderate, messy, and generally rough to live with.

Last month, Jane let me know she was moving to a different city for a job switch. I deeply wanted to stay in our house, so I agreed to look for a third roommate with Anne with the intention to tell her that I wanted the situation to be different next year. Then our landlord opted not to renew the lease. Rather than telling Anne I wanted to live somewhere else, I stupidly agreed to live with her in a new apartment, which I did all the work of finding and preparing. I’ve started to be more direct in asking her to clean common areas and not invade my space, but she’s answered this by giving me the silent treatment and has alluded to only living with me because “neither of us have better options.”

This is simply not true. When I mentioned I was thinking about moving in with my partner after our landlord gave us the update, she stared me down flatly and told me that that would “really screw her over.” She isn’t confrontational, but is extremely passive aggressive. I am dreading moving to a two-bedroom with her. I had a potential subletter lined up, but Anne told me she refused to live with her because SHE WAS MESSY. I don’t know my options: Anne and I have overlapping social groups and I am trying to not burn bridges, but I also desperately want out of a situation that I know I created.

— I Want Out

Re: You've done enough to try and fix this. Don't move in with her.

  • Burn the bridge. Cancel the new lease. Do it now before you’re stuck another year 
  • You're not sleeping with Anne, so I don't really see why you feel the need to keep this relationship going.  Just say no and move on.  Anne will have to deal with her own living situation.
  • Get out now.  You and Anne aren't compatible and if you want to preserve any friendship that may remain you surely shouldn't live together.
  • Acrually Anne, I will be moving in with my partner. Lets kill this contract before it even starts.

  • Don’t move in. Things are already bad, actually moving it will be worse. Cancel the lease, or let Anne take it over entirely and go live with your partner. Or by yourself, or literally with a stranger. 
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LW didn't have to include their age, it's really obvious they're young and things like having mutual friends is so important that you'd rather live with someone you're so incompatible with.  LW, if you can afford to live elsewhere, do it!  
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