No, it isn't proper.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My good friend never answers their cell phone. This normally isn’t a problem; however, I know they do this because they were bullied as a kid due to their lisp. They never answer the phone and return all calls with a text or email and sometimes an invite to talk in person instead. I feel it’s detrimental to their well-being to do this and it really bugs me, but is it proper for me to tell them to answer the phone and just talk when I know the reason behind why they don’t?

— Am I a Bad Friend?

STARMOON44

Omg get over yourself. They respond to calls in their own totally normal way this isn’t a problem butt out. 

Casadena

oh good lord. This isn't a problem - get over it and out of their business. 

banana468

You KNOW that they don't answer the phone because of this?  I don't have a lisp and rarely answer my own. 

I would NEVER take kindly to being told to answer my phone.  As it is, my MIL will call during work hours because she just does not text.  I don't enable her refusal to text by dropping what I'm doing during the work day so she gets a call back from me when it's convenient from me to do so.  If she ever told me to answer the phone DH and I would have words and most of mine would start with F. 

LW can nicely talk to the friend some time in person and say that you'd love to catch up by phone more often because you usually don't have the time for a date but would love an hour catch up.  But if the friend does not like the phone then the friend doesn't like the phone and your arrogance is going to make the date less likely. 

missJeanLouise

A lot of people here will send voice notes if they aren't confident with their written English or even if they don't feel like typing. I also just respond with a text. It's fine. Let people communicate how they want lest they stop wanting to communicate with you.

levioosa

So your response to their childhood insecurity stemming from bullying is to bully them now into answering their phone? Do you hear yourself?

CharmedPam

banana468 said:

You KNOW that they don't answer the phone because of this?  I don't have a lisp and rarely answer my own. 

This.  I’m not a phone talker. 

charlotte989875

I think LW calls them rather than texting just so they can be obnoxious about the friend not picking up. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

I think LW calls them rather than texting just so they can be obnoxious about the friend not picking up. 

Right.  We roll our eyes a bit with MIL's insistence to "not text".  She can but won't learn and more importantly does not feel she should.  

But I don't feel the need to drop what I'm doing.  She did try to say she was going to try to time the calls between meetings but I don't think she gets that:
-I have 6 meetings every day plus others throughout the week and a new one can pop in with a call at any moment.  

short+sassy

banana468 said:

Right.  We roll our eyes a bit with MIL's insistence to "not text".  She can but won't learn and more importantly does not feel she should.  

But I don't feel the need to drop what I'm doing.  She did try to say she was going to try to time the calls between meetings but I don't think she gets that:
-I have 6 meetings every day plus others throughout the week and a new one can pop in with a call at any moment.  

Curiosity question.  Why doesn't she just call after you all are off work?

Casadena

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

Right.  We roll our eyes a bit with MIL's insistence to "not text".  She can but won't learn and more importantly does not feel she should.  

But I don't feel the need to drop what I'm doing.  She did try to say she was going to try to time the calls between meetings but I don't think she gets that:
-I have 6 meetings every day plus others throughout the week and a new one can pop in with a call at any moment.  

Curiosity question.  Why doesn't she just call after you all are off work?

Some MIL's know no boundaries....or it's when she's thinking of X thing so it needs to be handled immediately at her convenience. 

At least that's mine. *eye roll*

short+sassy

I had to be dragged to texting, lol.  It's been over 10 years since I got used to it, but I was definitely much later to the party than most people.  I still think longer conversations are much better over the phone.  Or even e-mails are better

But I also realize that is not the way of the world, so I have adjusted accordingly.

In fact, when a phone conversation would be better, I will text first to see if "now is a good time" or to set up a good day/time to talk.  That seems to be how other people usually arrange a call also.  I wonder if the LW has tried doing that instead.  Even preferring phone conversations, 

But, either way, the LW needs to accept their friend's communication style.  It's their problem that it bugs them, not their friend's problem.

banana468

Casadena said:

short+sassy said:

banana468 said:

Right.  We roll our eyes a bit with MIL's insistence to "not text".  She can but won't learn and more importantly does not feel she should.  

But I don't feel the need to drop what I'm doing.  She did try to say she was going to try to time the calls between meetings but I don't think she gets that:
-I have 6 meetings every day plus others throughout the week and a new one can pop in with a call at any moment.  

Curiosity question.  Why doesn't she just call after you all are off work?

Some MIL's know no boundaries....or it's when she's thinking of X thing so it needs to be handled immediately at her convenience. 



I am stuck in the box!

My MIL does this most often in the summer when she "needs a plan for if we're going to the marina for dinner".  And I can absolutely understand that she wants to know what we may do more than 10 minutes before we do it but the easiest way to get me to respond is via text.  I can be on a meeting and text but I can't be on a meeting and a phone call at the same time and I think she doesn't get that.   MIL has not worked an office job in over 4 decades so I don't think that's something that she gets and that you can be in a meeting and put down your phone (especially with all the virtual ones now) but you can't exactly be on mute and talk to someone else while listening for the company president to call your name. 

She's actually understanding of the timing but the frustration is that she's not understanding that texting is easier.  I get it - when you want to talk about feelings or big picture stuff you don't do that over a text.  But if it's "Hey I have hot dogs and buns and potato salad - want to meet at 6?" then that's SO much easier to do via text vs. a call.  

short+sassy

banana468 said:

She's actually understanding of the timing but the frustration is that she's not understanding that texting is easier.  I get it - when you want to talk about feelings or big picture stuff you don't do that over a text.  But if it's "Hey I have hot dogs and buns and potato salad - want to meet at 6?" then that's SO much easier to do via text vs. a call.  

This kind of thing was definitely my first baby steps into texting.

Because even from Day 1, I could recognize how much more convenient and efficient texting was for short, informational messages.

But in my early days, much more than that and I didn't like it.  To be fair, I was also a dinosaur who held on to my flip phone.  Come to think of it, that phone lasted me for years.  Unlike all my much more expensive "smart" phones that last for less than 2 years.  I'd already been using it only for calls for a few years.  Then I started texting on it, because that started becoming more crucial for other people.  But the buttons were tiny and it was a big pain to use for anything except minimal texts.

Once I got a smart phone and it was a lot easier to text, I liked it a lot better.  I still prefer phone calls or e-mails for medium or long conversations.  But my tolerance is much better now and it's not a big deal if it sometimes doesn't happen that way.

And...to the manufacturers of cell phones...that ancient, "laughed at" flip phone was still working after YEARS.  I kept planning to switch to a smart phone for "when it died".  And planning.  And waiting.  And a couple more years went by.  But it never died, so I finally just had to move on, lol.  

climbingsingle

I absolutely hate talking on the phone and will avoid it all costs. And I have a friend who will never understand this. Just calls and calls and calls. 

Anyway, LW is an asshole. 

banana468

climbingsingle said:

I absolutely hate talking on the phone and will avoid it all costs. And I have a friend who will never understand this. Just calls and calls and calls. 

Anyway, LW is an asshole. 

I'm sure I've said this story before but DH and I so rarely talk on the phone that when we'd been dating for about a year he called me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and I asked him what was wrong. 

CharmedPam

banana468 said:

climbingsingle said:

I absolutely hate talking on the phone and will avoid it all costs. And I have a friend who will never understand this. Just calls and calls and calls. 

Anyway, LW is an asshole. 

I'm sure I've said this story before but DH and I so rarely talk on the phone that when we'd been dating for about a year he called me on my birthday to wish me a happy birthday and I asked him what was wrong. 

I thought this was going to end with “and I asked hom who this was?” Lol

MissKittyDanger

There are 3 people I can talk extensively on the phone with.
M, my mum and my bff T

Otherwise fkn text me. I don't mind facetime but I don't want to talk on the phone.

LW needs get over themselves.

Casadena

MissKittyDanger said:

There are 3 people I can talk extensively on the phone with.
M, my mum and my bff T

Otherwise fkn text me. I don't mind facetime but I don't want to talk on the phone.

LW needs get over themselves.

That so interesting - i absolutely despise facetime.  

climbingsingle

I only like a planned Facetime. Even if it's "hey, let's Facetime in 30 mins". But hell no to a raw dog FT. 

It still cracks me up that my ex husband tried to Facetime on Easter at midnight. Like I'd even answer it..lol. 

MissKittyDanger

Casadena said:

MissKittyDanger said:

There are 3 people I can talk extensively on the phone with.
M, my mum and my bff T

Otherwise fkn text me. I don't mind facetime but I don't want to talk on the phone.

LW needs get over themselves.

That so interesting - i absolutely despise facetime.  

Tbh it's still certain people and 90% of the time I facetime it's because of BK or situations.
I kinda got used to it over pandemic/lockdowns and I couldn't see people or when my aunt had info about my nana, or when my nana was in the hospital for a bit and coherent, I could facetime her when my aunt was in.

Now I really only facetime my inlaws because BK wants to see them - but M doesn't most of it

Casadena

raw dog FT......I am dying over here  

VarunaTT

Me and @short+sassy are so alike, it's scary sometimes.  I really didn't start texting all that much until K and I started dating.  I still don't really care for entire conversations over text.  I'm terrible at texting and always have typos.  Most of my friends are pretty good at reading them anymore.  Most of the time, i still think a quick phone chat will take care of 90% of things quicker than a text message, but it's alright.  I've acknowledged that it's reality and I have to catch up.

short+sassy

MissKittyDanger said:

There are 3 people I can talk extensively on the phone with.
M, my mum and my bff T

Otherwise fkn text me. I don't mind facetime but I don't want to talk on the phone.

LW needs get over themselves.

My mom is definitely my "talk on the phone" with person.  We don't talk that often, so they are often 60-90 minute conversations.

We text also.  But that is usually for shorter, informative messages.  Or occasional pics.

A couple months ago, I only found out she was on vacation in Santa Fe because she sent me some pics.  She did have a short text that they were there visiting my cousin.  But I got a pic first of her, her husband (L), and my cousin with pretty New Mexico scenery behind them, lol.  And was thinking before I got the word text, "Oh! I guess her and L went to Santa Fe."  Lol.

mrsconn23

So I have a weird relationship with texting, LOL.  I have friends that I exclusively text and FB/IG message with.  If I call them, I either give them a head's up or something is seriously wrong and I need to talk to them.   And then I have friends (like BFF/SIL) that I still feel odd texting with since our relationship (in HS) started with hours long phone conversations.  I have friends that I have three separate threads with (text, IG, and FB) depending on what we're sharing.

DH and I text during the workday to the point that if he calls me and doesn't follow up with a 'just calling to chat' text, I call him immediately and am all, "Did you need something?"  But if the kiddo calls me, I usually don't answer and follow-up with a, "Hey what's up?" text because he's burned me too many times with non-emergency 'emergencies'.   

At work, we use Teams for messaging.  In the past, I would use Teams before I'd ever pick up a phone to call a soul.  Now that I'm a supervisor,  I pick up the phone more than ever because I cut through so much BS by having a phone conversation with my team member and I feel like so much less can be misconstrued via in person conversation.  

But back to LW, they're a shitty friend if they try to force this issue knowing why their friend texts.  Also, there's nothing wrong with texting a friend to set up a phone conversation.  I do that all the time. It sounds like LW's friend could be open to talking on the phone if they know it's coming, it's more they don't like being caught off-guard.  And that seems to be the norm these days. Hell, if one of my sisters called me out of the blue instead of tagging me in our sister chat, I'd be worried.  Geeze. 

MissKittyDanger

short+sassy said:

MissKittyDanger said:

There are 3 people I can talk extensively on the phone with.
M, my mum and my bff T

Otherwise fkn text me. I don't mind facetime but I don't want to talk on the phone.

LW needs get over themselves.

My mom is definitely my "talk on the phone" with person.  We don't talk that often, so they are often 60-90 minute conversations.

We text also.  But that is usually for shorter, informative messages.  Or occasional pics.

A couple months ago, I only found out she was on vacation in Santa Fe because she sent me some pics.  She did have a short text that they were there visiting my cousin.  But I got a pic first of her, her husband (L), and my cousin with pretty New Mexico scenery behind them, lol.  And was thinking before I got the word text, "Oh! I guess her and L went to Santa Fe."  Lol.

I text people often.

I am that person who will call her mom to say she had pasta for lunch because she felt it's necessary. But tbh that's always been our relationship.
My mum tells me when she may not acknowledge her phone because I msg/call that much lmao!

I include T in my list because she rarely calls - she's not a fan also - so when she calls it's necessary.

MissKittyDanger

mrsconn23 said:

So I have a weird relationship with texting, LOL.  I have friends that I exclusively text and FB/IG message with.  If I call them, I either give them a head's up or something is seriously wrong and I need to talk to them.   And then I have friends (like BFF/SIL) that I still feel odd texting with since our relationship (in HS) started with hours long phone conversations. 

This would be T & I had she not lived in random spots across country that wasn't in our time zone so we had no choice lmao

Actually funny story - in grade 9, my friend A moved to England/Germany and we'd msg on MSN or Yahoo
She came back to visit and it was like we had nothing to say because we already updated regularly, and it was like normal times lol