Earn cash as you plan. Get a $20 gift card for every 200 points. Learn more
Wedding Woes
mrsconn23
member
No, it isn't proper.
in Wedding Woes
Dear Prudence,
My good friend never answers their cell phone. This normally isn’t a problem; however, I know they do this because they were bullied as a kid due to their lisp. They never answer the phone and return all calls with a text or email and sometimes an invite to talk in person instead. I feel it’s detrimental to their well-being to do this and it really bugs me, but is it proper for me to tell them to answer the phone and just talk when I know the reason behind why they don’t?
— Am I a Bad Friend?
Re: No, it isn't proper.
I would NEVER take kindly to being told to answer my phone. As it is, my MIL will call during work hours because she just does not text. I don't enable her refusal to text by dropping what I'm doing during the work day so she gets a call back from me when it's convenient from me to do so. If she ever told me to answer the phone DH and I would have words and most of mine would start with F.
LW can nicely talk to the friend some time in person and say that you'd love to catch up by phone more often because you usually don't have the time for a date but would love an hour catch up. But if the friend does not like the phone then the friend doesn't like the phone and your arrogance is going to make the date less likely.
But I don't feel the need to drop what I'm doing. She did try to say she was going to try to time the calls between meetings but I don't think she gets that:
-I have 6 meetings every day plus others throughout the week and a new one can pop in with a call at any moment.
Curiosity question. Why doesn't she just call after you all are off work?
At least that's mine. *eye roll*
But I also realize that is not the way of the world, so I have adjusted accordingly.
In fact, when a phone conversation would be better, I will text first to see if "now is a good time" or to set up a good day/time to talk. That seems to be how other people usually arrange a call also. I wonder if the LW has tried doing that instead. Even preferring phone conversations,
But, either way, the LW needs to accept their friend's communication style. It's their problem that it bugs them, not their friend's problem.
Because even from Day 1, I could recognize how much more convenient and efficient texting was for short, informational messages.
But in my early days, much more than that and I didn't like it. To be fair, I was also a dinosaur who held on to my flip phone. Come to think of it, that phone lasted me for years. Unlike all my much more expensive "smart" phones that last for less than 2 years. I'd already been using it only for calls for a few years. Then I started texting on it, because that started becoming more crucial for other people. But the buttons were tiny and it was a big pain to use for anything except minimal texts.
Once I got a smart phone and it was a lot easier to text, I liked it a lot better. I still prefer phone calls or e-mails for medium or long conversations. But my tolerance is much better now and it's not a big deal if it sometimes doesn't happen that way.
And...to the manufacturers of cell phones...that ancient, "laughed at" flip phone was still working after YEARS. I kept planning to switch to a smart phone for "when it died". And planning. And waiting. And a couple more years went by. But it never died, so I finally just had to move on, lol.
Anyway, LW is an asshole.
M, my mum and my bff T
Otherwise fkn text me. I don't mind facetime but I don't want to talk on the phone.
LW needs get over themselves.
It still cracks me up that my ex husband tried to Facetime on Easter at midnight. Like I'd even answer it..lol.
I kinda got used to it over pandemic/lockdowns and I couldn't see people or when my aunt had info about my nana, or when my nana was in the hospital for a bit and coherent, I could facetime her when my aunt was in.
Now I really only facetime my inlaws because BK wants to see them - but M doesn't most of it
We text also. But that is usually for shorter, informative messages. Or occasional pics.
A couple months ago, I only found out she was on vacation in Santa Fe because she sent me some pics. She did have a short text that they were there visiting my cousin. But I got a pic first of her, her husband (L), and my cousin with pretty New Mexico scenery behind them, lol. And was thinking before I got the word text, "Oh! I guess her and L went to Santa Fe." Lol.
DH and I text during the workday to the point that if he calls me and doesn't follow up with a 'just calling to chat' text, I call him immediately and am all, "Did you need something?" But if the kiddo calls me, I usually don't answer and follow-up with a, "Hey what's up?" text because he's burned me too many times with non-emergency 'emergencies'.
At work, we use Teams for messaging. In the past, I would use Teams before I'd ever pick up a phone to call a soul. Now that I'm a supervisor, I pick up the phone more than ever because I cut through so much BS by having a phone conversation with my team member and I feel like so much less can be misconstrued via in person conversation.
But back to LW, they're a shitty friend if they try to force this issue knowing why their friend texts. Also, there's nothing wrong with texting a friend to set up a phone conversation. I do that all the time. It sounds like LW's friend could be open to talking on the phone if they know it's coming, it's more they don't like being caught off-guard. And that seems to be the norm these days. Hell, if one of my sisters called me out of the blue instead of tagging me in our sister chat, I'd be worried. Geeze.
I am that person who will call her mom to say she had pasta for lunch because she felt it's necessary. But tbh that's always been our relationship.
My mum tells me when she may not acknowledge her phone because I msg/call that much lmao!
I include T in my list because she rarely calls - she's not a fan also - so when she calls it's necessary.
Actually funny story - in grade 9, my friend A moved to England/Germany and we'd msg on MSN or Yahoo
She came back to visit and it was like we had nothing to say because we already updated regularly, and it was like normal times lol