The GF was super wrong, but the LW's tone sucks.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

My girlfriend rescued a small, fluffy, abused dog. We have been working on the training, but one behavior will not go away: the dog hates kids. He will growl and try to hide if one approaches him. Taking him on walks is hazardous because there is apparently an uncountable number of idiot parents who think letting their screaming spawn run up to an unknown dog and stick their hands in its face is fine. Half the time I have to pick up my dog because they will not listen when I say not to approach and my dog isn’t friendly. I actually had a mother argue with me that her kid “knows” when a dog is friendly and implied my dog would be better off put down than out in public. I told her she was better off putting a leash on her own kid.

So, my sister knows all about the situation with our dog. She came over with her new girlfriend … and the girlfriend’s 8-year-old kid. We put the dog in the upstairs bedroom and closed the door. My girlfriend explained that he was a rescue and not good around kids, so no going upstairs. The adults went out on the porch for drinks and the kid was playing on their tablet. The next thing you know, the kid comes out bawling and says the dog attacked him. He went upstairs, into the bedroom, and tried to drag our dog from under the bed.

Once we made sure the kid hadn’t been bitten, the fur flew. My sister’s girlfriend started to rant and rave about our “dangerous” dog and threatened to report our dog to the authorities. My girlfriend lost her cool. She told my sister’s girlfriend that she was a “moron” and a “bad mom” considering her kid refuses to follow basic instructions and thinks going through a private area is okay. At that point, I told my sister it would be better if they leave. My sister is furious with my girlfriend and demands an apology or she is skipping Christmas. This has my parents very upset. The thing is, I think the girlfriend owes my girlfriend an apology. We explained the situation and put our dog in our bedroom. The fact her son thought it was alright to wander throughout home and stress out our dog—that is on his mom.

— Dogsbody

banana468

This is one of those times that you apologize for yelling only.

But also, if every time your dog sees a kid it goes into attack mode what are your next steps.  Are you taking the training on as the two of you?  Are you seeing a professional trainer?  The answer of just remove the dog from kids is really not a smart solution so what are you going to do NEXT? 

mrsconn23

LW is so defensive in tone and offensive in how they describe children that while I believe they are fully correct when it comes to the dog situation, I am still finding it hard to be 100% on their side.  The sister's GF was entirely wrong for blaming LW and their GF for the dog incident with the GF's kid, but calling someone a moron and a bad parent is just...not the way to keep the upper hand.  I understand the GF was all, "I'm going to call the authorities on your dog."  But the response should have been, "And say what?!" 

I firmly believe the GF's parents don't know (or care?) who was right or wrong here, just that insults were said and now their Christmas is being ruined by adults that lost their tempers. 

IDK, I get the impression from this letter that LW isn't loving being 'saddled' with this problem child of a dog and doesn't want to admit it. Therefore, they're taking it out on anyone (especially children) that looks at the dog sideways for a second too long.  

VarunaTT

You can send a dog through intense training, but if it was a kid that abused it, that dog will likely never be okay around kids.  

So, I think there's a lot of failures here.  If sister came over with GF, and didn't make LW aware of the child = failure.  LW should've suggested another venue or time, b/c he knew his dog = failure.  Keeping control of the crotch fruit = failure.  Each side losing their temper = failure.

These are all actions I've had to take with Zelda, who was an alpha dog and with Thumper, who is dog reactive (my friends are used to coming over with their dogs; those friends I tell them when I have Thumper and that they can't bring their dog).  As a dog owner, you need to prioritize danger for your dog and as a parent, you should do the same.

Each side should apologize and each side should make clear they own their failure and won't make the mistake again.  Honestly though, in all of this, that kid also needs some training.  You.don't.reach.under.the.bed.to.get.an.animal.  PERIODT.  This would be a big learning moment once I had control of my temper.

banana468

VarunaTT said:

You can send a dog through intense training, but if it was a kid that abused it, that dog will likely never be okay around kids.  

So, I think there's a lot of failures here.  If sister came over with GF, and didn't make LW aware of the child = failure.  LW should've suggested another venue or time, b/c he knew his dog = failure.  Keeping control of the crotch fruit = failure.  Each side losing their temper = failure.

These are all actions I've had to take with Zelda, who was an alpha dog and with Thumper, who is dog reactive (my friends are used to coming over with their dogs; those friends I tell them when I have Thumper and that they can't bring their dog).  As a dog owner, you need to prioritize danger for your dog and as a parent, you should do the same.

Each side should apologize and each side should make clear they own their failure and won't make the mistake again.  Honestly though, in all of this, that kid also needs some training.  You.don't.reach.under.the.bed.to.get.an.animal.  PERIODT.  This would be a big learning moment once I had control of my temper.

Oh totally agree.  It's a bit of an ESH situation.  The parents were SUPER out of line.  I don't care if it's a dog or something not living that was breakable.  The kid was given limits to respect and didn't.  That's not OK either.

My point is that I'm wondering if the LW and the GF have looked into this professionally at all or is it just them? 

MissKittyDanger

Honestly, despite the insult I'd react same.
They said leave the dog alone.
What did kid do? Not only go see the dog but try to drag it out.

Non-abused dogs do not like this. Cats too. They will defend themselves.

Why did the kid's mom not also deal with the kid who cannot follow rules in someone else's home?
Fuck I'd be pissed if someone did that to my cat and she's never been abused.

kerbohl

Oh, I'm super pissed at this kid.  They are 8 years old, they should know better.  If I'm their parent, I'm letting the kid know that under NO circumstances do you just run up to an animal that you have been told that you can't be around.  This is not a parents being mean situation, this is a "I don't want you to be mauled to death" situation.  And sure, I'll check to see if they were bitten, but even if they were, I'm not blaming the dog.  The dog owners removed the dog from the situation and made sure everyone was aware of the issue, and the child still ignored that and as far as I'm concerned attacked the dog.  

Now, to what others are saying about the LW's attitude .... did they honestly tell parents to put a leash on their kid?  Yes, kids should learn young not to run up to strange dogs without asking permission.  The kids in my neighbourhood always ask me, and that gets me time to explain that my dog is friendly but might jump and I'll pull her away if she does.  But if they don't ask, I'm not arguing with the mom in public.  No, their child doesn't know better because I know what's better for my dog.  Your child is not entitled to my dog.  But I'm not going to change that parent's mind, so I'll just tell them that I'm not going to allow the child to pet my dog and leave it at that.  Let them think I'm a jerk, at least my dog is not in a situation it is uncomfortable with.  

mrsconn23

kerbohl said:

Now, to what others are saying about the LW's attitude .... did they honestly tell parents to put a leash on their kid?  Yes, kids should learn young not to run up to strange dogs without asking permission.  The kids in my neighbourhood always ask me, and that gets me time to explain that my dog is friendly but might jump and I'll pull her away if she does.  But if they don't ask, I'm not arguing with the mom in public.  No, their child doesn't know better because I know what's better for my dog.  Your child is not entitled to my dog.  But I'm not going to change that parent's mind, so I'll just tell them that I'm not going to allow the child to pet my dog and leave it at that.  Let them think I'm a jerk, at least my dog is not in a situation it is uncomfortable with.  

This.  Why even get in a pissing match with a parent to the point where you're insulting a stranger?  Just be firm on the 'no, leave my dog alone' of it and get out of the situation. 

And when it comes to GF vs sister's GF, LW should talk to their sister.  If they can get somewhere with the sister taking any ownership of how the situation with the kid went off the rails because he decided to ignore direct orders and honestly, violate their space, then I'd at least be open to saying that maybe the delivery was over the top.  I wouldn't apologize in any way, shape, or form for being upset.  

But overall, LW needs to get a grip on their frustration with the world around them when it comes to the dog.  Maybe they need to find a better time to take the dog out on walks or find a route that is less populated by children or whatever.  Also, I get that a couple bad interactions can make you on edge, but I just can't believe this is happening every time LW steps foot outside the house with the dog. 

short+sassy

There is a lot of fault to go around in this letter.  Though, on the part of the LW, their only fault with the situation is that they and their g/f are hot heads.  They should apologize to the sister and sister's girlfriend for the yelling back and rude comments.  But, as long as they can say this without themselves rising to a fight again, they should not apologize for their dog or the incident because the person 100% responsible for all of this was the sister's g/f's son.

I'd also ban the son from coming into their apartment again.  It's not just that he antagonized their dog, even after being warned.  That's enough reason.  But he opened a door that was shut in someone else's house.  8 is old enough to know that this is rude and invading someone's privacy.  I wouldn't trust a child who did that in my home nor the mom who didn't seem to teach him this lesson and didn't keep an eye on him either.

Though, for harmony's sake, I wouldn't go into that much detail and bluntness.

short+sassy

My dog is also afraid of young children, though she's never growled at one or any person for that matter.

But it's interesting to see what a total change in demeanor it is.  With people who are about 7-8 years old and up, she is ridiculously friendly.  My H and I become chopped liver, as she excitedly fawns on people and stands on her hind legs to make new friends.  I'm talking about people that come up to her (they almost always ask).  Obviously, we don't let her just run over to strangers

But with smaller children, she looks wary and unsure.  She hides behind my legs.  With all that said, it's not something that's come up very much for us.  And when we've told parents that she's nervous around young children, they've just been polite and thanked us.  And told their child that "the doggie doesn't like to be petted, leave her alone".