He needs to move out, like yesterday.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

I was married 16 years and divorced six years ago. My ex and I became very amicable and quarantined together during COVID. Since we got along so well during the pandemic, we decided to move in together to help with finances and co-parenting our three kids. I said if we can work it out between us, that would be a bonus. So he sold his house and moved into mine. After a few months, I realized there was no spark, but I loved our relationship of friends/co-parenting. I made this clear to him multiple times when he would ask where the relationship was going. We did couples counseling and the counselor agreed that we were not at a “couples” place.

Fast forward to now, we still live together (separate rooms), and I have moved on and found a new relationship. I never thought I’d even want to, but this snuck up on me and has been absolutely wonderful. My ex is very hurt and feels like I played him. (He has paid no rent or bills the entire Two years he’s been here by the way.) I feel guilty that he thought it would turn into more and it did not, even though I was very clear about that only being a potential bonus of the co-parenting setup. He apparently misunderstood or just thought he’d take the chance it would 100 percent workout. (We have not been intimate since before our divorce.) He is furious with me and says he will never trust me again. Why do I feel so guilty, and how do I let it go and enjoy my new relationship?

— Did I Unintentionally Intentionally Hurt Him?

STARMOON44

Omg what is this nonsense. Figure out how to get him out of your house asap. 

ei34

Wow.  Time for him to move out, like, tomorrow.  

"we decided to move in together to help with finances"

Confused on how this was part of it ^ but that he also hasn't paid anything in the last two years?  To each their own but there could be a global pandemic 100x worse than 2020 and it wouldn't find stbxh and I under the same roof.  So I bring a lot of bias to my answer. But I'm not surprised that the exH is being a huge baby and wasn't in touch with reality.  And feel for LW but not surprised that she's left to deal with the resulting issues.  Good luck LW, hope he's out soon!

VarunaTT

HAHAHAHAHA.

Men:  A woman was entirely clear about her boundaries, limits, and expectations.  I didn't listen or believe her b/c stupid woman.  It's her fault I played out fantasies and now feel rejected.

Also, LW, you have no reason to feel guilty.  You just do b/c you've been trained to make men happy.  You did everything right, this is 100000000% HIS issue, not yours and don't let him make it yours.  Keep holding onto those boundaries and get him out of YOUR home.

I hope all of Prudie's letters don't make me exhausted even more with patriarchy today.

banana468

So he thought there was more there despite you saying that there wasn't, never would be and the counselor said so but now that there's another person he's betrayed??? 

You're gonna need to get a lawyer to get him out.  

charlotte989875

Get a lawyer. 

downtondiva

You were very clear about where you were at in your relationship with him and you haven't done anything wrong. You're probably feeling guilty because women are conditioned to feel guilty about disappointing men. Exhausting, isn't it? 

Quarantine is long over and it's time for your ex to get a new place of his own. 

short+sassy

All of this was so obviously a bad idea, the whole time.  I cannot imagine what they were thinking.

Oh, look.  The inevitable...from a myriad of choices for how this could go horribly wrong...has happened.  One of them got romantically involved with someone else and now the other person is upset.

But one of the biggest twists for me is the fact that he doesn't pay anything to live there?!?!?  WHAT?  WHY NOT?

At least I could understand the LW doing this to save a lot of money, even if it was a foolish choice.  But instead, it's COSTING her a lot of money to support another grown-ass adult that she has no tie to, except they're friends and he's the father of their children.

It actually doesn't even sound like the LW is trying to kick him out.  She's just trying not to feel guilty about her new relationship.

She should remind him that she repeatedly told him they would not be in a romantic relationship.  And that, other than helping to co-parent their children, he's not financially contributing to the household.  Which has made the last two years an exceedingly good situation for him.  So his choices are to be civilized and pleasant, even if he doesn't like that she is seeing someone else.  Or GTFO.

Unfortunately, she doesn't sound like the kind of person to say anything like that.