Was it incessant talking or just normal conversation?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 

I come in here looking for … advice? Vindication? Something in between. I broke up with my partner recently, and one of the reasons was our different outlook on what a quiet moment should sound like. They thought that unless we were actively engaged in activities (such as reading) a shared moment would necessarily include conversation. I, on the other hand, am fine with being quiet and existing in my head for a while next to someone. If there is nothing specific to talk about, is it weird that I would like quiet from time to time? To look around a place in silence? He said it was weird and shared moments include conversation, but Prudie, sometimes there is nothing to talk about, and I have no desire to talk about articles or whatever he is seeing on Twitter. Do people really just talk? That much? Sounds exhausting.

— Would Like a Moment of Quiet Please

VarunaTT

LW, why does it matter?  The definitions weren't compatible.  Find someone that is compatible.

banana468

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence, 

I come in here looking for … advice? Vindication? Something in between. I broke up with my partner recently, and one of the reasons was our different outlook on what a quiet moment should sound like. They thought that unless we were actively engaged in activities (such as reading) a shared moment would necessarily include conversation. I, on the other hand, am fine with being quiet and existing in my head for a while next to someone. If there is nothing specific to talk about, is it weird that I would like quiet from time to time? To look around a place in silence? He said it was weird and shared moments include conversation, but Prudie, sometimes there is nothing to talk about, and I have no desire to talk about articles or whatever he is seeing on Twitter. Do people really just talk? That much? Sounds exhausting.

— Would Like a Moment of Quiet Please

This is the difference between DH and me.  And he has to say that he's wanting to be alone.  I also follow the signals and give him space. 

The SO in this situation needs to know that not everyone wants to talk all the time. 

charlotte989875

My H is someone who would never choose to pass the time with someone by sitting and having a conversation as a form of entertainment in and of itself. 

He’s someone who doesn’t need a lot of talking to feel connected to someone else. And that’s fine. He gets I need it more than he does and we both understand when each other is hitting the edge. 

But we figured a lot of that out by talking to each other. 

mrsconn23

This person would hate DH and me.  We are such conversationalists.  We'll talk about watching a show and then end up talking for an hour, and then we're like, "It's 9:45pm, we can't start a show now." Or we'll be watching something, and an idea or memory will spark, and one of us will be like, "Pause this!" and then we'll spend 20 min talking about that thing (and likely going off on a tangent). 

Anyway, this person didn't have the right partner and they broke it off.  I'm not sure what else they want besides they know what they want and need to find that, or if they don't, be comfortable with their own, quiet, company. 

short+sassy

I think both the LW and their ex-SO sound too judgmental of each other.  It's just as well they broke up.

The SO called the LW weird, because they like to have silent times.  And the LW essentially called people who have conversations about more superfluous stuff, "exhausting".

I think most people fall somewhere in between those two stances.  I know both my H and I do.

If they want to have more successful relationships, they need understand that different people have different personalities and POVs.  Neither stance was "right" or "wrong".  But both of them being negative about a fairly core component of the other person's communication style made each of them a really shitty partner.