Classic: You need to talk to your wife...alone.

mrsconn23

My wife and I have failed to conceive for years. After the emotional roller coaster we’ve been through, we finally settled on having my (gay) brother be a sperm donor. This is something both of our families support and we are very excited about going through with. However, as the appointment for fertilization nears, my wife and brother have gone from close to almost inseparable, talking about “their” future child. I feel shut out of my own marriage. This baby is all we’ve ever wanted, and now I want to tell her that we shouldn’t. I’m jealous and anxious and I don’t know what to do…

short+sassy

The LW needs to talk about this with their wife and probably go to some couples counseling sessions.  They've been down a long and painful road and aren't even at the end.  There's no telling how many times the insemination will need to be done/how long it will take to work or if it will work at all.  In the meantime, the wife will probably be taking medication with rough side effects and needs the LW's emotional support.

I also hope the three people have already had multiple discussions about the brother's role, once a baby is born.  He needs to step back and be the uncle.  He shouldn't be thinking of it as "his" child at all.

VarunaTT

Honestly, I think he should say he wants to back out and find another donor.  I get that wanting a bio connection on all parts, but this isn't going to work.  Donor is acting like "dad", mother is letting donor act like "dad", and there's not room in this family for 2 dads.

STARMOON44

The clinic should either have a mental health professional on staff or have one they can refer you to with expertise in this. Do that.