Invitations for family I don't want coming to the reception?

rennocgem

I really don't want to invite my late mom's family to the wedding; grandma, grandpa, and uncle - grandparents hate each other, uncle hates the grandpa, and they all hate my dad. But there could be some major repercussions if I don't, like getting written out of the will or shunned for the rest of time. My grandpa also helped put me through college. Plus, with my mom having passed away, there's just that extra sore spot.

I don't mind if they come for the ceremony and then leave, you can't socialize there as much as you can on the dance floor. I was thinking of possibly printing different RSVPs for just the 3 of them that have check boxes asking which parts of the wedding they will attend; the ceremony and/or "the after party" (the reception), phrased specifically to deter the elderly two. They all probably want to avoid each other anyway so I think they'd actually appreciate an escape route, but they're so immature and petty that if they don't get an invitation, all hell would break loose.

I don't care if they find the RSVP rude because at the end of the day, I invited them, so they can't argue that. Has anyone else done this? Was it successful? Or is this a totally dumb idea?

TLDR; my mom passed away and her family is the worst and while I wouldn't mind them coming to the ceremony, I don't want them at the reception. Could I make RSVPs with check boxes for ceremony and/or reception attendance and cross my fingers they don't come to the reception?

MyNameIsNot

knottief388a57adefd3265 said:

I really don't want to invite my late mom's family to the wedding; grandma, grandpa, and uncle - grandparents hate each other, uncle hates the grandpa, and they all hate my dad. But there could be some major repercussions if I don't, like getting written out of the will or shunned for the rest of time. My grandpa also helped put me through college. Plus, with my mom having passed away, there's just that extra sore spot.

I don't mind if they come for the ceremony and then leave, you can't socialize there as much as you can on the dance floor. I was thinking of possibly printing different RSVPs for just the 3 of them that have check boxes asking which parts of the wedding they will attend; the ceremony and/or "the after party" (the reception), phrased specifically to deter the elderly two. They all probably want to avoid each other anyway so I think they'd actually appreciate an escape route, but they're so immature and petty that if they don't get an invitation, all hell would break loose.

I don't care if they find the RSVP rude because at the end of the day, I invited them, so they can't argue that. Has anyone else done this? Was it successful? Or is this a totally dumb idea?

TLDR; my mom passed away and her family is the worst and while I wouldn't mind them coming to the ceremony, I don't want them at the reception. Could I make RSVPs with check boxes for ceremony and/or reception attendance and cross my fingers they don't come to the reception?

Inviting them to the ceremony and not the reception is a very public slap in the face. If you think there'd be repercussions for not inviting them at all, they'd be there ten fold by doing something so openly insulting.

Either invite them or don't. 

rennocgem

They'd still be invited to both, they would just have a clear opportunity to politely decline the reception, which is highly possible considering my grandparents' health isn't perfect and the fact they wouldn't know anyone but each other and my dad. I'm sure they'd want to come to the ceremony though. I hope this makes sense, maybe my phrasing is weird.

climbingsingle

IMO inviting them to just one part of the wedding if far worse than not inviting them at all. And giving them options about which part of the wedding they want to attend will send a pretty clear message that they're not welcome at the entire event. 

Either invite them or don't. 

banana468

rennocgem said:

They'd still be invited to both, they would just have a clear opportunity to politely decline the reception, which is highly possible considering my grandparents' health isn't perfect and the fact they wouldn't know anyone but each other and my dad. I'm sure they'd want to come to the ceremony though. I hope this makes sense, maybe my phrasing is weird.

People generally don't RSVP that they're attending portions.  They respond so you  know that they'll attend the reception because that's where there's food and beverages that cost you as the host.  

Either invite them or don't.  I can assure you that people remember public slights and public spectacles.  If you're gracious and not poorly behaved they can't hold it against you.  If you do things to deliberately insinuate that you don't trust them then you need to expect them to take that poorly.  Just invite them or don't. 

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with all the above. You can't invite them to one and not the other which the way you are planning to do it would look like. The only thing I can even possibly think would work (and I wouldn't recommend it) is to send the same choice to all your guests. However, remember the reception or what ever you want to call it is a thank you to your guests for attending your wedding.

MobKaz

It is not only dumb, it is rude and wrong.  You’re getting married and starting a new life.  Own your adulthood and your choices.  Either don’t invite them at all or invite them to everything that any other guest is provided.  

There is no guarantee you will remain in any will regardless of what actions you take for your wedding.  That’s also an incredibly tacky and selfish attitude to take. 

Jen4948

If you don't want them to attend the reception, you should not invite them to your wedding ceremony either. All ceremony guests must be invited to the reception. There is no polite or acceptable way not to do this, and I think the repercussions for doing it are more serious than inviting them only to the ceremony, because you have no moral high ground to stand on if you do it.