Stop. Being. Available.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,

A friend of mine in my city used to ask me to cat-sit for her. The cat was very sweet and had a gravity feeder, so it initially started off as low-key check-ins every couple of days during a couple of annual trips. Over time, this evolved into checking in on the cat every day, with picture updates, during 5-6 trips per year, some of which lasted weeks. My friend also went from thanking me with a nice bottle of wine for helping out, to basically presuming I would always help her out without thanks. I was getting kind of sick of the amount of time and effort being asked of me, and was beginning to push back on cat sitting requests, when the cat died suddenly last year. My friend was devastated and took it hard, especially since she lives alone. Now she’s looking at getting another cat, and already openly discussing ways to lasso in free help from other people in watching the cat. She says she does not want to ever pay for pet sitting because she thinks it’s too pricey. I know I need to talk to her, so the question is: Do I have a chat with her BEFORE she gets the new cat, or wait until the requests start rolling in?

—Don’t Want to Resent a Cat That’s Not Here Yet

banana468

"Why do you not want to pay for cat sitting?  It's a time that people need to take to go to your home, ensure the cat is fed and has water and the mess is cleaned plus you want photos.  I've been thinking that since it worked well when I did this that I'd likely need to charge $ for my services." 

You're not a bad friend for saying no, for being unavailable and for advocating for yourself. 

climbingsingle

Again, say no. I wouldn't bring it up before she gets the cat though. Next time she asks, say you're not available. 

I truly don't understand these people that either don't want to pay for pet sitting, or treat their friends/relatives like this. I had two pet sitters for Stella - one was a good friend of mine, and the other was a good friend of my brother's. I paid both of them, every time and thanked them profusely. I never assumed they'd be available and always asked them way in advance.

charlotte989875

If she brings it up, ask her why she’s against paying someone to care for something so important to her. If she doesn’t, leave it until she gets the cat and the decline to sit. She will figure something else out. 

STARMOON44

When she brings it up “huh interesting. Just to let you know, I won’t be cat sitting for you anymore at all. It got to be much too much and you don’t seem particularly appreciative and it simply won’t work for me.”

friend is a jerk idk why you’d want to maintain the relationship 

mrsconn23

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,

A friend of mine in my city used to ask me to cat-sit for her. The cat was very sweet and had a gravity feeder, so it initially started off as low-key check-ins every couple of days during a couple of annual trips. Over time, this evolved into checking in on the cat every day, with picture updates, during 5-6 trips per year, some of which lasted weeks. My friend also went from thanking me with a nice bottle of wine for helping out, to basically presuming I would always help her out without thanks. I was getting kind of sick of the amount of time and effort being asked of me, and was beginning to push back on cat sitting requests, when the cat died suddenly last year. My friend was devastated and took it hard, especially since she lives alone. Now she’s looking at getting another cat, and already openly discussing ways to lasso in free help from other people in watching the cat. She says she does not want to ever pay for pet sitting because she thinks it’s too pricey. I know I need to talk to her, so the question is: Do I have a chat with her BEFORE she gets the new cat, or wait until the requests start rolling in?

—Don’t Want to Resent a Cat That’s Not Here Yet

So when she said that, why didn't you say, "So people's time has no value to you?"

She really sounds like an asshole.  Why do you consider her a friend?  You're an unpaid cat-sitter for someone who thinks your time has no value. 

levioosa

I think someone wrote this about SIL B. lol. The last time she tried to dump her cat on the in laws MIL lost it and told her she wouldn’t watch her cat anymore while she went to “vacation in sin.” Lol. 

short+sassy

The LW shouldn't bring it up out of nowhere.  But the next time the friend starts "openly discussing" free pet care, the LW can use that as an opening to let her know that the cat care became too much and they won't be doing it in the future.

The worst story I've heard for "free" pet care happened to my friend.  She and I became close friends when we were coworkers.  She lived near our boss and was also friends with him and his wife.  The project we were all working on was slowing down and she was laid off.

A few months later, they asked her to take care of their dog while they were on vacation (10ish days).  This involved her going to their house 2x/day, as well as taking their dog for a walk.

I knew she had done this a number of times for them.  But this was the first time I found out they never paid her for this.  She said she didn't mind.  But, ffs!!!!  Even if they didn't normally pay her, have the decency to throw her a few hundred bucks this time.  When you, Boss, of all people know she is unemployed.

This guy was not hurting.  He'd spend that on gas taking his boat out for an afternoon.  I'd like to think he just never thought of it.  But he should have.