Wedding Woes

Your wife should divorce you if you do this.

Dear Prudence,

I am a happily married man with two awesome kids. My high school girlfriend “Lisa” has recently gotten in contact with me and dropped a bombshell. She confessed that, unbeknownst to me, I got her pregnant 20 years ago when we were teenagers and my mother bribed her to have an abortion. I no longer have contact with my mother, but this type of controlling behavior is very characteristic of her. Lisa, who is childless and unmarried now, has a lot of regrets about the abortion and requested that I father another child with her to replace the one she lost then.

I realize this is an extremely unorthodox request, but I feel very badly about what my mother’s toxic behavior put Lisa through. I can just picture Lisa coming to my mother to ask for help and my mother verbally berating her into submission. I asked my wife for her thoughts on the idea, and she angrily shot it down and said it would be cheating. To be clear, I get that extramarital sex is literally the definition of cheating, but this scenario is kind of different because I’d only be doing it to help Lisa. Can it really technically be considered cheating if it’s for an altruistic reason? I’m considering going ahead with it despite my wife’s objections. Do you think I’m justified to do so, or is my wife correct that this would be cheating? If I do go ahead with it, should I tell my wife I’m doing it despite her objections, or just leave her out of it entirely? I realize there is no way to make everyone happy here, but I’m just trying to do the right thing.

—The Son of Mommy Dearest

Re: Your wife should divorce you if you do this.

  • This is insane!! Lisa is insane and you should block her. Sperm banks exist, if she wants to get pregnant she can go out and do it. There is no reason why she’d need yours, which you’re apparently considering giving her the old fashioned way, no reason to think this would be a one time occurrence, and legally you’d be the father, owing child support. 

  • Having a baby now with Lisa doesn’t replace the baby that was lost.  Wife is 100% correct in saying that.  What does impregnating Lisa prove after 20 years?

  • Your wife should leave you for exercising such poor judgement that you are even considering this.   How old are you??  My 12 year old knows better.
  • What. The. Fuck. 

    Dude if you never loved your wife and Lisa was always the “one who got away,” just do your wife a favor and get divorced now. 

  • This is absolutely bat-shit. I'm struggling to understand how he could even get through that request without being absolutely horrified. I understand that Lisa is struggling, but she should get therapy, not have a child with her married-with-children high school boyfriend. Wife should divorce this guy immediately. I could maaaaaybe understand asking wife what she thought, and then dropping it immediately. I cannot under any circumstances understand how LW could possibly consider doing this at all, let alone doing it even though his wife is not on board, possibly even without telling her?

    If you want to F your high school girlfriend, just do it and divorce your wife. 
  • I wonder if the mother pushed so hard for the abortion because she knew two completely unhinged teenagers would be a disaster as parents. 
  • That is one of the weirdest Prudie letters I have ever read.  Which is saying something!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hell to the no! And what the rest of y'all said! I can't even.
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